depression from loss

Coping with bereavement
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I think people suffer depression from loss because you cannot see them talk to them write to them … nothing.

being so completely cut off from something so critical to your survival, it is almost hard to imagine how anyone is expected to go on.

if these people are your whole world, then what are you supposed to do when your world is taken from you? loss is staggering. and then one gets depressed dealing with that on top of it. well keep on everyone. find the small things to make life worth living. :sparkling_heart:

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Hello Berit. I am slowly coming to believe that there is being really really sad and in grief which only your own mind can lessen gradually and then as a separate thing is an illness called depression which is a real nd separate thing, sometimes brought on by grief. The first thing is terrible but the second thing on top can be deadly and then medical help can relieve the symptoms like with other illnesses. I’m not sure if there is a cure.

I just woke in the night feeling weird after a nightmare and then got myself into a mini-rage so will write more another time but just wanted to let you know i read a few of your recent messages and I’m thinking of you. take care.

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I agree with you Berit. I believe I’m now suffering from depression from the loss of my mum. It’s been magnified by isolation because of the pandemic.

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Hi @Berit,

Grief and depression have a lot of emotions in common and grief can indeed turn into depression. I agree with your observation that due to lockdown many people who grieve are describing symptoms of depression. I think lockdown has stopped people from doing all the things we would normally do when we lose a loved one, such as spending lots of time together as a family, supporting each other, having a wake, planning a funeral where everyone who wants to be there can be there to say their goodbyes and give support, attending bereavement support groups, meeting up with friends and family. It has made grief a very lonely experience for many, having to deal with their loss on their own rather than with others.
Jo

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Hi Joe65, Berit, fleurDelis, Jooles45 thank you all for sharing your thoughts and feelings, which is really comforting to me. I lost my mum recently and it doesn’t seem to get any easier. I have suffered with depressions and anxiety for sometime but learned ways to deal with it. This situation has just made it so bad and as you say you can’t do anything to ease your pain because of what is going on with the world at the moment. I sometimes think I need to take time off work as I have days where I get overwhelmed but then I think it would make it worse just not doing anything as well as too much time to think, so work helps to focus on something’s. Take care all Perth xx

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Hello All, I love this post because it is so relevant for me. After my loss, I had this constant fight in me like adrenalin… the shock, as I know.from.reading your posts, so many of you suffered shock and trauma, Those of you that were unable to be with your loved one,…It’s a never ending list isn’t it?

It’s 23 weeks now, just over the 5 month mark. I’ve moved mountains, back at work, trying to put the pieces of my life back together… waves of emotions, melt downs, days in bed etc etc and then days where the fight is back on.

However, I started to feel unwell, vertigo, nausea and muscular pain all over. Burning skin … generally con fused, unable.to think straight or hold a conversation, messaging… well everything, even the tv became too much. This is when I had gotten through the first 8 blurry weeks ! I couldn’t go to work. MY WORLD HAD ENDED,yet again x Too much, I felt suddenly very very dark, very very low. I could not think of nothing good.

I GAVE UP! The image of life had changed from a mean cloudy grey to a soggy fierce charcoal x Vile ,This is depression I think.caused by grief and then a.full blown Fibromyalgia.flare x This is now 5 weeks.ago.x x.

I am now.taking medication for.the pain and I.am improving slowly. I.cant see my future … there really is no point but it’s a.tad and I mean, a tad better now x

We love our loved ones so much, my life was completely around him … my best friend etc, I know, that we know and any of us that come here, do so because our grief is profound and the process is so steady and slow … Grief is grief … We all have different levels of resilience and.deal.with thing differently. However, some losses are so life changing our resilience is.weakened. On top as we refer to … Covid restrictions have been damning.to our progress.

There is no limit on time… I will always feel this loss, it will always have an impact on my life as it will you too. I’m facing a tall brick wall that I can’t climb and nor do I want to because I would be leaving him behind.

Please please keep talking … my heart breaks for all of.you … my fight is.back on, it’s just not.quite as strong… I.spend.days in bed and then I force myself.to.do things x the pain is less, the vertigo is.easier because I’m on anti sickness tabs which controls the nausea … doing stuff is.always what makes.me.feel slightly better but sometimes I.just cannot.find the motivation and.at times trying to keep.going seems.futile without my quirky fab man x Missing is painful x x x

My love to you all and thank you so much for.talking.about.depression because I know.I am very high risk of slipping into the depths of.it.x.thankyou x

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Having read all these comments about depression i am beginning to think i am slipping into it, 9 months on from losing the love of my life i feel as though i am walking through treacle that is getting thicker, does any body else feel the same? xx pat.

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it is a bad time to lose someone.

the whole world is in a depression and the economics and stagnation weighs on people, in general.

in some cases on this board, the people we relied on to get through bad times are the ones who died. then, you are left to battle these bad times without them. economy, pandemic and climate change … so … it is tough.

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Hi All thank you for taking the time to talk to each other and gives us the comfort and understanding to keep going. Take care all and your in my thoughts Perth xx

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I feel that too feelings depression
I think number of reason
Mum in law died last year
Then my dad died made it harder as he’s in different country & the pandemic
Restrictions made everything so much harder
Don’t really feel supported at home
But now going through a lot pressure with my brother etc
So yes as well as grieving loss depression :broken_heart:

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S47
Well done for getting In touch as it’s never easy and on where to go? You as like many have been through some pretty awful times and at the moment not feeling when it will end with what’s going on, as well as trying to grief on top of all of this. My mother in-laws lost 3 brothers last year and her husband lost his brother, we have not been able to support as we would like as they are a distance away. We have been doing zoom on a weekend but not everybody is able to do this, both myself and MI-L speak a lot as we both say we need some female time. Forgive me if I’m lost for words to say but I’m thinking of you and our in my thoughts x

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I feel my life is at a standstill - yes, I’m going about my business but I sense a loss. (My wife is not here with me ) It’s almost like how do I move on? It’s not the same anymore. I am lost! Like a child who gets separated from his/her mother in a big apartment store. I didn’t do too much after that feeling - my heart still yearns for her ---- I can’t say it enough – I miss her!
Herb

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I’m must admit I feel very lost too. I was a long term carer for my mother. I lived with her for decades. It been over a year and a half. I’m sad, depressed, slightly shocked and lost.
I’m also utterly fed up with grieving, but I think for me grief will continue for some time still. My mum is dearly missed. I still cry several times most days and I’m not normally a crier.

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poor Daffy. I am same. same situation. 2016. it takes a very long time, if ever. it only abates. but finding some big goals down the road, helps.

at least we were really there for them. :gift_heart:

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I agree with both of you ladies - I cry for my wife now and then, especially if I hear a song she would sing or love - (I guess nobody really understands that— I try to keep busy at home but at times a reminder
occurs. (I do not feel I can just forget her ---- I did love her - and I never stopped loving her - even now.). I’ve been told to get over it - so how easy is that to do? (Any takers?) The house is empty and quiet -
I remember when she was here doing laundry, making my breakfast — (How do you replace those moments???). I loved my wife, never cheated on her - she was an Angel to me - Just wanted to share this with you, maybe not everyone sees it that way - but I too am lost at times - I do a good show at not showing this at times - today was one of those days. Thank you friends!
Herb

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No one expects you to forget her. That would be insane.

Your life was your wife. That you lost her is one of the most unfortunate parts of being a human being. You have every right to trudge around the house and mourn.

You don’t replace any of it. You can only relish the memories, and the love and the great life you had together. You have to take it all very slowly. That is the best way.

It is hard to enjoy life without those you love. At least you can use the time to honor what you had. :gift_heart:

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Dear berit
Appreciate your remarks, but that does not ease my pain (memories of who she was in my life) She was a helper and loved me for who I was — nobody can replace that my friend. Thank you,
Herb (greencat1950)

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Herb my beautiful wife died suddenly 9 months ago.
Nothing in the world can ever replace her, i still cry every day, even with friends & family around life is empty i keep telling myself to get over her loss but it doesn’t work so have decided to carry on as i am if it means crying every day then i just have to accept it, i can’t wipe out over 50 years of knowing her so will carry.on , keep safe my friend we are all in this together its a club no body wants to.join. Pat.

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Oh Cinders. Your story is heartbreaking and to loose your love so quickly after being married.
I know exactly what you mean with noti having any motivation.I was such a creative person, a person full of ideas and respected for my input at work. Now nothing has any meaning to me. I used to love clothes shopping and I still enjoy the looking at clothes but I don’t feel better when I buy them because the motivation and purpose of looking nice is not here anymore. Nothing seems to matter to me now. My confidence has gone. I have always suffered from depression but what I feel now is.It is a real fear but I don’t know what of!
Things do get a bit better but we never recover. I am thinking of you. Xx

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@Angiejo1 Thank you so much x we are all in such a tough place x