I went for lunch with my sister. A lady came to the table from the gallery shop and said that unfortunately my dog smudge who is one had weed on a handbag they had him on cctv so there was no doubt. I looked at him with his big brown doe eyes and smiled. I then paid for the damages. If I go anywhere which is not often I always feel lost. Someone is missing. My H. I come home and the emptiness hits me. Life is never going to be the same. I walk smudge and go to yoga on Fridays and the rest of the time I am at home. I think of H and I cry. It’s so hard living a different life and even after almost twelve months I find it so difficult to move forward. My sister is doing all the couple things with a new partner. I am not jealous but miss the closeness and H to talk to and laugh with when we watch tv. I make coffee for one. Everything is for one. X
This is the second time I have been widowed. I was married to my second Husband for two years, he passed away from a massive heart attack in front of my eyes last October. We were so happy and I just can’t believe how cruel life can be. I am really struggling - I miss him so much and think constantly about the life we had together. Yesterday I went out for a long walk, followed by tea with my Daughter, her Husband, my Grandchildren and their friends. I had a nice day but even though I was with other people I still felt alone. When I came home the house was so quiet. I spent most of last night and today crying. I just wish my Husband was still here and I could talk and laugh with him and hug him. I am trying to be really strong but the future looks long and bleak at the moment
I’m so sorry your going through this, It’s also my first Easter after my partner passed, it’s been 7 weeks since he died, the last two weeks have been incredibly hard. I feel so alone even when I’m with people
The house is so empty and quiet
Don’t have any positive words to offer you I’m
Afraid, I wish I did, as I’m just permanently sad, he was my soul mate and children told me he was planning on asking me to marry him, and I found my ring in his things. So I’ve hit a different level of loss now.
I don’t feel like me anymore, he took a part of me with him and I don’t think it will ever come back.
I hope I could flick a switch and this nightmare be over x
So incredibly sad that you have experienced this pain not once but twice, I can’t imagine what your feeling, as my grief was horrific just loosing one partner.
I admire you for getting through each day,
Hi Carol. I am so sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine what is must be like having found your ring. It was bad enough finding my birthday presents (my Husband passed away two days before my birthday). I feel just like you - despite having family and a handful of special friends I feel so alone and so sad. I never know what to say when people ask me how I am . And I am so angry that this has happened to me for the second time. Even memories are so painful. The house is so quiet and tidy. If it is any consolation I feel very much the same as you do. Stay strong and remember you are not alone
I’m so sorry you are having to go through this grief for a second time. Keep taking one day at a time which is what we are all having to do. I find the loneliness hard especially like you say when you go out and then have to come home to face it again.
Keep going xx
My first Easter without my husband and like you it doesn’t feel any different to any other time. My daughter and husband are away for the weekend so haven’t seen anyone the last couple of days. Been out for a long walk both days and just trying to keep busy.
Going to my sister’s tomorrow as it’s her birthday but these family gatherings just don’t feel the same as there is someone missing and then you have to come home to the loneliness again.
Take care xx
If it wasn’t for my Daughters I wouldn’t have seen anyone all weekend. I am going round to one of my Daughters for tea tonight - her in laws will also be there. No doubt they will twitter on about where they are going on holiday, which room they will be decorating next and moan about who made the tea this morning. Already my heart is feeling like a stone in my chest. I will sit there with a smile painted on my face although tears won’t be far away feeling lopsided and missing my Husband so much. Hope everyone has the best day they can
I feel like being on my own constantly
I just don’t want to be around people
Who are chatting about their lives and mines gone
So I’m finding myself mostly on my own it’s easier
I feel quite selfish as all I think about sometimes is myself and that I’m going to be alone now, and that upsets me, I waited so long to meet Mike, and he was taken away so young, I feel sick when I think of him as it’s so painful.
But then I’m back to well what about me, what will I do now, I’ll never ever be able to feel anything like that again.it’s like I’m just thinking of me.
It’s so strange, I’m longing to love, and the person who I ant to give it to has gone.
Yes I’m struggling this weekend as well. The sun is shining and I’m trying to motivate myself to do something in fact anything but my thoughts just keep going back to when Pete was here!!! He’d be in the garden now tidying up, cutting the lawn and in the greenhouse potting up tomatoes.
We’d have a bite to eat midday then he’d watch the football and I’d go and see a friend. Such a simpie but meaningful life and now…
My thoughts are with you.
I know exactly what you mean Carol - it is very early days for you yet. My feelings are so confused - like you I want to be by myself but then the silence is deafening. Memories fill my head constantly. My head tells me that I can’t change what’s happened and I have got to make the best of it but my heart is broken into millions of pieces and I just want everything back to what it was. I wish so much I could just hug my Husband again.
I think that the nice weather is making it worse for us all. At least on cold dark days you can shut yourself away. I see couples doing 'couply ’ things and it breaks my heart and the worst thing is when you see them sat having a coffee and they are both engrossed on their phones - I want to scream at them and say talk to each other you never know how quickly your life can change forever
You are not selfish and I’m sure lots of people on this site feel the same, I know I do. I also don’t want to be around most people as they haven’t a clue how you’re feeling and won’t sadly until one of them finds themselves in this situation. It just seems unreal at times and yes lonely.
Love Jenny x
Oh gosh yes I know what you mean, I was laughing last night as when Mike was cooking, he’s playing all his favourite music and I used to shout oh god turn that wracked off Mike, and now all I listen to is his songs. I wish I’d of liked his music with him as it’s actually pretty good, but I would always laugh and complain, we were a match I’m most aspects of our lives but we certainly had didn’t musical taste
Well now I’m not so sure as it’s become my favourite music
Odd isn’t it
Thank you for your messages I’ve not been on here for a while as I’ve been really struggling to cope the last few weeks
As when I message it makes everything so emotional and I end up in a grief hole for days sometimes
So I’ve been trying to manage it differently as it’s been weighing me down.
The weather in South Wales is lovely today despite the weather case saying it was rain, so I’m going to try and fix up the garden as we both loved being outdoors watching the birds feeding and just enjoying the weather
Hope you have an ok day. X
Yes I know, I’ve a friend who has asked me how I’m feeling every single day over the past 6 weeks
I feel like screaming please stop asking me the same thing over and over again
I’m no different to yesterday or the day before or the day before that, and I won’t be tomorrow either, but she means well bless her.
I might reply today saying i wish I was dead today Cath, how are you ?
You actually made me laugh with your last remark so thank you for that. I have a friend who always says ‘Oh Poor You’ it must be awful and I want to scream at her but I’m to polite!!! I also posted on here last week that a well meaning!!! neighbour put his arm around me and said 'You never know you could meet somebody else. Couldn’t believe it what a stupid thing to say I could go on and I’m sure there are many on here who have had similar experiences with the well wishes… Not sure what to do today and there’s plenty that needs doing.
Thinking of you all this Easter.
Love Jenny x