Devastated đź’”

I know its the right thing to do, but my husbands IV fluids have been turned off today.
He has a syringe driver giving him pain relief and his medication.
I think he can still hear us but its only a matter of time now. 54 is no age to die. He had so much to live for. We had so many adventures still to do.
He was so fit and healthy. Always cycling and running. We thought he could fight his brain tumour forever.

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Sorry for loss , i lost my husband early January this year to terminal cancer ,he had a syringe driver at the end for pain relief .keep talking to your husband he can hear you ,he knows you are there Think of the happy memories you shared together with him

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Thank you x
Ive been through so many emotions. So angry since Christmas.
Nick has fought his brain tumour for 10yrs! We’ve been through it together.
I just keep thinking… its not fair!
All the good times and fantastic places we have been to.
Thats all ive got now… photos and memories :broken_heart:

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Im sorry you lost your husband.
At the moment i can only think about my loss. I didnt think about yours.
Please forgive me :cry:

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Hi Mandy c15
Your with him and he can hear you, make his passing as loving and calm as you can, tell him you will meet again and you love him so much, hold him tight…
If you have anything you want to say try to do so…
I lost my wife mum step dad and step mum within 6 months of last year to cancer and heartbreak…
I was with all but my step fathers last breath… its not nice but im glad i was there now, to give them comfort and love as they passed to heaven…
They are always with me in my heart… its not easy, but it gets better with time and counselling…
My thoughts and prayers are with you…
Chris

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Thank you x
So sorry for your loss… thats a lot!

I am so sorry @MandyC15. I had a similar experience with my partner, although he lived just three months after being diagnosed with brain cancer. He died on 19th February at home with me and his two grown-up girls by his side. It is truly devastating. He was super-fit too - a great triathlete. With the district nurses and the palliative care team, we were able to keep him fairly comfortable the whole time. That is some comfort, but there’s no escaping the shock when it actually does happen. I spoke to him in his last moments, and told him he should go when he was ready. He didn’t want to die, and we didn’t want him to die, but we had no choice. If I could help you in any way through this terrible time, I would. Just know that people care, and people on this forum are ready to listen if you ever want to talk.

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Thank you so much.
Syringe driver was put in today.
Nick shouted, ’ Mand, Mand.’ As i walked in. He was restless all morning. I just hugged him and told him i love him.
Hes not eating or drinking anymore.
The syringe driver went in 12.30pm.
Giving him his medication and pain relief. The macmillan nurse hinted to the weekend.
I cant imagine life without him… well i can… solo travel, walking the dogs on my own. Avoiding people, especially couples.
Missing Nick!!
I knew Nick in school. I was silly and went for a bad boy, who i was with for 7yrs… we grew apart.
I brought my daughter up on my own. When she was 8 i met my sons dad.
We got married and i had my son.
Our relationship lasted 6yrs. He was aggressive, especially after drinking.
I never thought id meet my soul mate.
2011 i went to a school reunion. Nick was on a date but it didnt last.
We remained friends for 4 months and naturally it developed into a relationship.
My daughter was 22 and had left home. My son was 10.
Nick was everything i was looking for and more! We were so happy. Then 2014… the devastating news about his brain tumour. Nick has always been a positive person, had all the treatment but we still travelled the world and kept fit.
Now 10yrs later… Nicks having palliative end of life care and im lost without him.
Also, its effecting my children, especially my son who is now 22.
Nick has been a fantastic role model for my son. Encouraged him in whatever he wanted to do.
I was talking to Nicks brother today… he said, Oh youre only 54. You will meet someone else!’
No, i wont and i dont want to.
I had the best relationship, we had so much to look forward to.
Plus, i never want to go through this heartache ever again.

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You are lucky he was at home with you and your children.
Nick felt sick xmas eve and went to bed. I thought nothing of it.
Xmas day he ate his dinner and went to bed.
Boxing day, he wouldn’t get up at all.
I took him the hospital, even though he kept refusing to go.
He had inflammation on the brain pushing his tumour.
He was put on 8 steroids a day but had multiple seizures while in hospital.
His oncology team said no more chemotherapy tablets. There was nothing more they could do.
Nick came home 6th January. I looked after him.
At first he could walk hold one hand.
We got a special licence and got married at home 15th January with 2 witnesses. It was beautiful.
Nicks work organised a party.
The week after Nick had to walk holding my 2 hands and i walked backwards.
The next week, he needed a walker.
I got him out every day in his wheelchair.
Then it started getting harder.
Beginning of March Nicks mobility went completely.
He fell out of bed trying to get on the commode. Luckily he didnt hurt himself.
A social worker got involved and found a hospice for Nick which is a beautiful place.
He needed to be hoisted. Has pads on and a catheter.
I couldn’t have looked after him at home. He went into the hospice 13th March.
I could see him deteriorating on a weekly basis. In the end he couldn’t even swallow.
Hes out of pain now… just waiting for the next step.
2 years ago he had the shingles in his face and got sepsis. He was in hospital for 2 weeks then and fought it.
People say it shouldn’t be a shock but it is… i never thought the tumour would beat him.
In 2018 we were told it had shrunk. He had 15 rounds of chemotherapy tablets… over the 10yrs.
Then 2020 we were told is was growing again.
Life is so unfair :sleepy:

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So sorry to hear you going through this absolute nightmare. Sending you lots of love and hugs.x

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I’m so sorry they say the harder we love the harder the heartache it’s so true… keep
Talking to your nick he can definitely hear you… I was with my mum on passing I sung her wedding song told her she could go I would be strong… tears rolled down her cheeks and she passed peacefully… I will never forget the day she passed the time… the words… I’m 58 and lost my partner in July I’ve had people say exactly the same your meet someone… I will never love and trust anyone as much as I did with my Chris and
Still do…it’s just my doggie and me I miss him so much :frowning:

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Aww lovely reply x
Yeah im really struggling but i realise especially being on here that im definitely not the only one going through so much loss.
Its hard because Nick was my best friend as well as my love.
We have 3 dogs and i cry everytime im walking them on my own.
We used to do everything together.
I know ill carry on… ill need to start doing solo travel etc
But, im not ready for anything yet… and definitely not meeting anyone else xx

@MandyC15 I am so sorry that you are going through this…life is so cruel and unfair. I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at Christmas 2022. He had collapsed and I missed him by a few minutes, did CPR on him as no ambulance when I arrived home. My 22 year old son was with him. My husband was 53 years old. He died of a massive blood clot and undiagnosed kidney cancer, no chance to say goodbye or I love you. I found that so hard not being there when my husband died. Like others have said keep talking to your husband and tell him everything how you feel. Take care and big hugs xx

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My heart is literally breaking for you and your lovely man, I haven’t even got enough words to say how sorry I am that you find yourselves is this position. Love and light to you both :yellow_heart:

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Thinking about you @MandyC15 at this dreadfully sad time. My heart breaks for you x

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Do not be sorry,You are grieving ,i understand

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Hes got the syringe drivers in but fighting it! Its so distressing to see. Hes throwing his arms up and groaning. Me & his brother got there at 3am.
I asked the nurse so many times.
His last dose was 1.10pm so cant have anymore yet. They think he could be hallucinating??
Im hugging, kissing and talking to him :sob::broken_heart: heartbreaking

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Totally understand Chris was my best friend too…I wouldn’t even think about solo travel yet it’s so early days… I’ve booked a holiday with my doggie and I in Devon but my daughter is only 20 min away staying on the Cornwall Devon boarder… I booked something 3 months after I lost Chris and ended up in hospital with broken heart syndrome… it can get serious but I’ve started yoga which helps with my breathing ect…
I also cry walking my doggie… I looked through the photo albums yesterday which triggered more tears and depression…
life is so s………

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Hi Hazel I really understand when you say that you weren’t able to say goodbye. I was actually with my Husband but his passing came suddenly and unexpectedly, I didn’t getchanceto say goodbye either. I have gone over this a million times in my mind and still do.
Now what I am about to say may appear controversial, but it has really helped me. I had a medium read for me I was desperately trying to make sense of this heartbreaking time.The medium told me that my Husband hadn’t been able to say goodbye to me , she said , He is telling me to tell you he was sorry and that it wasnt goodbye as love is eternal and he would always be there for me.As you can imagine there was lots of tears , but I do think back to this often as it makes sense to me. I know mediums arent everyones choice , and I hope I haven’t offended you in any way. To me it is a tiny step forward :sparkles:

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@Ivy1 no you haven’t offended me at all… it’s nice to have this information as such a comfort to you. I’m sorry that you are going through this as well. Life definitely unfair and cruel. Take care and big hugs Xx

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