Thank you I’m back to work now which has helped me to get up and dressed in the morning x
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I know what you mean but I feel like I put on a mask to go to work. Saying that though if I don’t go to work I won’t see a soul all day.x
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Its been a nightmare. I was called in at 3am. Nick had laboured breathing. They thought he was passing away, but actually he was in pain! His tumour is growing and the dosage isnt high enough. So he has to have PRN every 2 hours too as a top up!
The macmillan nurse is coming tomorrow to hire his steroids too.
Into the syringe driver.
Im watching him tonight. Im drained but cant leave him 
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Oh god… higher not hire!! Im so tired.
Thank you for your lovely message x
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When Nick was struggling… groaning and throwing his arms up… he shouted mum, for his mum who passed away 20yrs ago.
I dont think i will ever get over this… its so traumatic
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Hes 54 with a good heart so i dont know how long it will go on for 
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Life is very unfair at times, it must be devastating to be on your journey, I am sending you love light and the strength to bear this.Your lovely man knows you are there and doing your very best for him. Take great care of yourself x
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Thank you so much x
Nicks had pain relief every 2 hours since 9pm and he has remained sleeping.
Hes peaceful 
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When my partner passed away few months back was the most traumatic thing I have ever gone through. All we want is peace for our loved one I was distraught but I was pleased that he wasn’t in anymore pain sending hugs to anyone going through this it’s not easy to deal with x
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The medication in the syringe driver was increased today, so hes sleeping and peaceful.
Thank for your lovely messages
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Take care both x
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I left the home at 10pm.
Its horrible not knowing when or what he will look like when hes passing away.
Im dreading it.
Still wishing his tumour was gone and he was back home.
The house is too quiet.
Ill try and sleep, go back at 8am.
Thank you x
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Mandy you must be exhausted, I cannot imagine how you are holding it together at this time.All I can send you is love and light and hope that all goes as well as it can for you. Sadly we cannot turn the clock back , we all would if we got the chance. Take care precious x
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My son was in hospital when he died, he was eating his dinner the day before. He would phone me every morning always cheeky,saying get up you lazy bones. That Monday morning he did not phone,so I phoned him.I could hear him say bloody hell as he dropped the phone . He said to me my arm has been hurting all night,I said we are coming. I said have the doctors been,he said not yet as they are on strike, I sort of knew it could be his heart . We got there the nurse asked him where is the pain he said all over, they gave him more morphine . He died at 10 to 2 pm , my lovely lad was so brave.
We so miss his cheeky smile, this cancer has a lot to answer for. 
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So sorry for your loss x
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I stayed over the other night.
Came in 8am today and hes groaning again, not responding to medication. The nurse is trying all sorts of pain killers PRN etc
I cant bare seeing him like this 
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Thank you
Hes sleeping again now. The macmillan nurse has given her permission to up the dose of all drugs.
No, we’ve got 3 dogs. They would never be left like this.
He looks peaceful x
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Thinking of you at this awful time.x
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Nick passed away peacefully today 12.35pm.
No words to say how i feel but thank you all for your support. I really appreciate it. Xxx
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