I have only recently joined this forum and I am full of pain from the recent loss of my husband and can read and feel all the pain in the posts. I am not sure if it is helping me to read the posts as it feels like it never gets better and the crying and pain never goes away.
But maybe that is also the reality.
I am starting to look for a grief counsellor as I don’t think I can face the prospect of this being years and years of feeling like this. Did anyone else get professional support and did it help?
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Hello @Milley,
I’m so sorry to hear about your husband. It sounds as though things are very difficult at the moment and you are in a lot of pain.
I’m glad that you’ve been able to share how you are feeling here and I hope that you find the community a good source of support. Everyone here has experienced the loss of a loved one and will understand some of what you are going through.
I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that may help you right now.
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Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief
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Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
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Our free Online Bereavement Counselling which is held via video chat
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Our Bereavement Information pages which can walk you through what you are going through.
Take care - keep reaching out,
Alex
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Thankyou x
Hi I lost my husband suddenly 2 yr in Nov ,I couldn’t get my head round it ,So my GP put me on to talking changes ,I waitedca whole year before I got an appointment to see a Counsellor, then they cancelled appointment after appointment ! So it was pretty much a waste of time for me ,but everyone is different ,For me its better to talk to someone going through the same emotions .
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Hi Milley, I’m having talking therapy and it’s really really helping. I lost my mum in April and have been really struggling with it. If you can afford it I would find one privately as you’ll be waiting for an eternity on the NHS.
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Thank you for your reply’s.
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Hi Milley, my husband died 14 May this year from a brain tumour. It’s the most horrendous, painful experience I could ever have imagined. I started seeing a private counsellor a few weeks ago. She’s very nice, I’m not sure how much she can help, but it definitely doesn’t hurt to try. I find some books on grief are slightly helpful too.
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Milley, I had four free 1 hour zoom sessions with a counsellor which my daughter was able to arrange through her work. Unfortunately not much else available where I live without paying, which is a bit difficult for me atm.
The counsellor was lovely, and helpful in that she was an ear to listen, she gave me some strategies to help understand and ease my distressing, ruminating thoughts, and she reassured me, when I described how I felt that I was losing my mind, that what I was experiencing was completely ‘normal’.
It’s four months tomorrow since I lost my much loved partner and best friend and the crying and deep pain are still with me on a daily basis, but I’m also managing to have some chatty, happy times when walking with friends and on the days I do my volunteering.
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@Milley it’s very hard at the beginning and I felt most alone and like you, felt reading all the posts, that life would not get any better and I would be stuck in pain in a world without the love of my life. What life is that. I debated coming off the site as I did find everyone else’s suffering overwhelming but a friend, I met on here, said I could monitor what I read and I could be of support to people coming behind me, as my experiences may help others.
So I did that, and it’s been a godsend and I have got to meet some lovely people from this site. The support is amazing and really does help.
I sought a conceller from week 1, privately and I found it hugely beneficial. There are some things that were better said to a stranger.
I lost my partner just shy of 7 months ago. Yes the pain is raw at the beginning and all consuming but for me, it subsided and the pain dulls and it doesn’t consume every waking moment.
The grief comes in waves and the space between each wave gets bigger. I’ve just returned from a 5 day trip away that I never thought I would do and although there were still some tears, it was good and I enjoyed it.
He will always be missed, always be in thoughts, I love him big time but it does get more accepting that he’s not here and I have to live. I’ve got potentially another 30/40 years to go. I can’t do misery for life, it’s just not what he would have wanted for me.
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That’s really good advice thank you
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I have also now found a counsellor and starting next week. So I am hoping that will help.
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You sound like you want to survive. That’s a good start. I wish you all the best.
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Hi Milley work offered me counselling which I accepted via a zoom call one hour weekly. That was 9 months ago. I think it helped at the time as it was very tough. I had none of my late husbands family support so I was alone to deal with it all. Take anything that is offered to make your grief easier to deal with xxx
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Thank you. Sorry to hear that you didn’t get support. I hope you are feeling a little more peace now. My sister in law and friends have been amazing and I don’t know what I would do without them.
I have now found a counsellor so I am hoping that will help and as you mentioned it I think maybe my health insurer does provide some support so I will look that up too.
Thank you. Yes I did look at those and saw that you have to have suffered your bereavement at least two months before you can access these. So I would be able to do that soon.
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Hi Milley. I am sorry for your loss. I had one to one counselling through St Lukes Hospice in Sheffield every two weeks for over six months. I believe it did me a lot of good letting out my anger, grief and loneliness to a complete stranger. I now go to a bereaved partners group every week run by the same organisation. It’s very informal and we help each other as best we can. Hope you find something similar in your area.
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Hello Milley - I lost my daughter last year and new I couldn’t cope. I had counselling and it really helped. Didn’t take away all the pain but did get me to think about what I wanted to do with my life without her. On day one the counsellor asked me what I wanted to get from the counselling. I wanted to be able to get myself back together enough to lead a meaningful life. I knew I couldn’t go back to how it was before she died because she’s gone. So I knew I needed to talk about it all with someone who didn’t know me and was a professional counsellor. She listened and pointed out some options and encouraged me to learn how to live with it for myself. I’m not fixed but I’m calmer and learning to accept what I can’t change and being kinder to myself. It’s tiny baby steps but definately, for me, a big step in the right direction getting counselling. I’m no longer ‘crying for the moon’ and ‘stuck’ like I was. I still have lots of bad days but there are some better ones too. Grief doesn’t go away but it does change and counselling helped me see the start of learning to live again. Slowly, slowly. I send you all the best and it’s still up and down but at least not all down!
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Thank you for your responses. 
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Lyndsey lodge hospice scunthorpe where sadly my gorgeous fantastic beautiful wife sue offered me counselling and I have to say its been a huge help to release a lot of emotional issues. Some days are better than others.teddy n George our two dogs are helping me a lot by snuggling up next to me on the sofa and it helps in ways i can’t explain
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My dad died 2 months ago, and my daughter is about to begin grief counselling. I myself am relying on time, friends, family, & people who have been through the loss of a loved one. I hope find the best way forward for yourself. Take care
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