I know I looked after my daughter through all her operation and needs and now I’m left with what feels like no purpose in life. She was my best friend we did everything together and I’m still finding it hard to believe she has gone and this even happen. I have guilt I hold from what I think could have changed things the what ifs. I feel I’m just going from one day to the next I can’t focus on anything really. And people don’t seem to understand that fear that rolls over you when you some how realize for a moment they are gone and your never hold them kiss them hold their hand talk and laugh with them again. My heart or what is left physically hurts each day.
Losing a disabled child you care for 24/7 is hard because we do everything with that child long into there aldult life sometimes so are always together and build such a tight bond so when we lose them we are totally lost and people don’t understand we have lost the most important person in our life, our caring role as that had become our job in some way. In my case I took my daughter to all the places she wanted to go hospital appointments friends. Together all the time. That has gone too even though we didn’t like our trips to London for appointments it becomes your way of life and the doctors become more than just her their doctors.
Hi chel66 I would give anything to go to hospital with him sometimes I spent weeks there but now there is nothing so sad I put weight on cause I was left with nothin to do only sitting in bed or on sofa.i had to start gym so I could breathe again.
I think it’s hard for people to understand that looking after our child 24/7 isn’t a chore we would do anything for them all the visits to hospital were just part of our life together. That is all gone it’s hard not doing the daring too. I lost a stone and half I’ve put back on about 5lbs. But I have started eating sweets late at night. I can’t sleep don’t go to bed until early hours then wake early 4or 5 hrs sleep . I’m even sleeping in her bed still as the last year I was sleeping at the end of her bed. I went to the doctor today for something to help with the panics and help me sleep maybe. I have no focus on anything it all seems so pointless without her in my life. So I understand what your saying. It so horrible. It will be 10months in a weeks time and I think people feel I should be over it. I’m far from that. Some days I don’t even want to get out of bed.
Hi Chel and cilcil it is 15 months since I lost my son,but it feels like yesterday,I still cry every day, like you we did everything together I just miss him so much. I do have better days now but I’m far from over it .On top of everything my sister who is terminally ill, her son committed suicide yesterday we haven’t told her yet she’s just too ill to take it in. Life is so cruel.
Oh no lozzer I am so sorry your in our prayers.this feels like last year for me November I went to America to bury my dad .just as I laid him to rest I got a phone call my son had cardio arrest on the Tuesday he died 2018 was. A nightmare for me.chell I will never get over it they say I shoul live my life now he gone they don’t understand I don’t want I miss him so much.
Thank you clicil, I know what you mean about people saying silly things, my sister in law said to me at my sons funeral, you can do what you want now go where you want,as if he had been a burden to me, I was dumbstruck,I would gladly have my old life back I miss him so much x
Hi to you both hope your day is kinder to you. I’m Having a bad day just crying on and off all day. Went to see my dr mon put me on different pills still making me feel sick and headache. So yesterday was in bed all day feeling bad. People tend to say time heals. No it don’t. Me losing the most precious person in my life is hever going to heal. I don’t know about anyone else but the stages everyone speaks about isn’t how it goes. I’m still stuck in disbelief this has happened and still asking how and why.
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Hi chel I’m still in disbelief every now and then a bit of reality breaks through then I start crying it’s hard every day is different i hope tomorrow will be better for you .
Hi Cilcil its horrible this disbelief and the sudden realisation that it’s truly happen. I feel I’ve lost half of me. Looking after her was what I didn’t and done everything together we spent everyday together apart from a few hours week when she did her dog club or went to friends. She like your son have left such large voids in our lives people don’t seem to understand how lost we feel. Your not alone I’ve cried so much today. Hope you have a better day tomo
Hi shel. Looser and chel. How are you today I had my birthday day it was so sad I wished I could see his smile when they sang happy birthday to me .i did cry
Hi Cilcil it must have been hard I can understand that every celebration or meal out they won’t be with us. I wake in the morning thinking of her and all through the day my home isn’t the same and never will be without her in it. To be honest 10months have passed and I still feel in disbelief this has happen. I feel I’m going crazy with people seemingly thinking I shouldn’t be feeling like this still.
Hi to you both,celebrations are hard, its so sad that our children are not here to celebrate with us, I too can’t believe what has happened, it feels like yesterday been crying a lot today I just want to talk to my son and hear his laugh I miss him so much ,take care.
Hi Cilcil and lozzer it will be my daughters birthday soon and i know that day is going to be hard. I’m taken pills to try and help with the panics but they make me feel sick. I feel all I want is to be able to go back and see if changing things would have provented this out come. I’m miss her so much I can’t even get out the bed today I don’t want to do anything.
Hi shel are you ok .hi lozzer and chel66 have you got other children . Tim was my last child that is why I am so empty.i have to force myself out of bed and into living room I watch so much telly now my eyes are tired we will be here for you chel
Hi Thank you for asking how I am. No my daughter was my only child. It so hard her not being here I miss her every minute of everyday. I too watch more to than I ever did programme after programme at night until early in the morning as I can’t seem to sleep until I can’t keep my eyes open. I know just how that feel of having to force yourself to do things. I was so busy day to day looking after my daughter and taking her places that now everything has stopped I lost. Do you feel you just exist from day to day not really wanting to go anywhere or do anything?
Hi Thank you for asking how I am. No my daughter was my only child. It so hard her not being here I miss her every minute of everyday. I too watch more to than I ever did programme after programme at night until early in the morning as I can’t seem to sleep until I can’t keep my eyes open. I know just how that feel of having to force yourself to do things. I was so busy day to day looking after my daughter and taking her places that now everything has stopped I lost. Do you feel you just exist from day to day not really wanting to go anywhere or do anything?
How are you both.?
I chel I am ok at moment I think I am still in disbelief though Sometimes it really hits hard
Hi shel who lost. 37 year old son you spoke only once are you ok you have not replied recently