I’ve been on a solo holiday. Just me in a cottage in Wales.
I have forced myself to go out every day and visit local attractions, visit gardens etc. You know, the usual tourist stuff. It struck me just how disconnected i feel. No one to go to these places with, no one to share experiences. Yet all around me are people with husbands, friends, families all having a great time. I feel like I’m just looking in on other people’s lives
Someone asked me enthusiastically ‘did you have a good time?’ Well no actually, I felt like I was in some kind of bubble - on the same planet as everyone else, but not able to join them or be able to be part of the world. The thought of having to do this for what could be another 20+ years scares the pants off me.
This probably makes absolutely no sense, but this the one place where I can try and express what I really feel. Thanks for reading.
You are amazing that you have done this on your own. What resilience and determination that must have taken.
I know I would have struggled to do that on my own.
What you say makes absolute sense - I also wonder how I will travel in the future. My kids say they’ll come on holiday with me but they will have their own lives to lead.
I think trying to reconnect with others is maybe a first step. Getting to know other single people who might also be looking for travel companions. There are now lots of Facebook groups and travel companies who cater specifically for solo travellers. Not sure what they are like but might be worth checking out.
It’s still early days for you in your grief. I have found being away just ompounds my sadness so not travelling too far at the moment.
Sending a big hug xx
Going on my own was something I felt I had to do, to prove to myself I could do that. However I think you my be right and it has just made me more sad.
I felt really lonely the last 2 days there, also the weekend and always bad. To be honest I hadn’t been conversing with Mr Pinot I would have come home a day early.
I think you could be right about solo groups. Maybe I’ll investigate. Thanks.
A week after my husband died I took my 4 kids to see Hamilton as the seats had been booked a year in advance.
We could have come home after the show, but I thought it would be nice to book dinner, and stay the night in a nice hotel. And I wanted to prove I could do it also.
It was the absolute worst thing to do. I sat in the dark crying through the entire performance, had a panic attack ( never had one before ) and was so distressed - all of which i had to try hide from my kids.
I then realised that no matter where I went I would still feel the same. So holidays on hold for the moment which is an absolute bummer as we would go away 4 or 5 times a year. I miss being able to enjoy anything at the moment.
Sending some hope that we will get there xxxx
Oh I understand that one as well. My husband had booked 2 tickets for a Lionel Richie tribute. I decided to go on my own, another mini challenge for me. Bad move because its call love songs. I sat silently crying through the whole concert.
I realised for you though. It must be doubly difficult trying to hide how you feel from your kids. Go you though cos you did it and that takes guts.
Well done for giving it a go. I did the same thing a couple of weeks ago. We’d booked to go to Devon and meet up with some friends. I decided to go just for 4 days and meet up with them for a couple of days. The other days I went out on my own but like you felt disconnected from the rest of the world. I can’t say I enjoyed it, but then I don’t enjoy being on my own at home.
I was quite proud I’d accomplished it but missed my partner so much. You have no one to share anything with. When I came back I was back in a pit of despair and grief so not sure whether it was the right thing to do. We can only try. To be honest I can’t imagine ever finding joy in anything anymore without my beautiful man xx
Exactly how i feel. In a pit of dispair. The realisation that things will never be the same.
Its been nearly 6 months niw since Jim passed away, and i thought i was starting to move on a little. Going away has realiy set me back and i’m really teary today. I haven’t felt like this for a while.
Oh well, big girl pants on and face the day. We have to keep going however hard it is.
I’m not sure going away did me any good either. It just reinforced the reality of being on my own. I’m very tearful today too. Oh well another day to deal with. Sending love and strength xx
Big hugs to everyone feeling it today. I just can’t seem to stop the tears this week. And on the subject of going away solo - it’s pants lol Without a wingman to share the experience and the silences also x
We also tried to have a couple of days away each month instead of a proper holiday and we had booked them for the rest of the year. I have cancelled all of them because I knew I couldn’t go on my own, I am still terrified of driving anyway.
We were supposed to be going away this Thursday. Having read your posts about going alone I feel less of a failure in cancelling.
I can’t see any prospect of me ever going away again because I have caring responsibilities, but someone I know books up with companies that specialise in solo holidays. She said many of the other people are widowed and she always enjoys the holidays. Xx
I think that solo holidays are going to be the way to go. We need to be with like minded people never felt so much like a spare wheel in my life And remember it’s solo not singles holidays lol - that’s a whole different ballgame
I went to London to visit family but because me and my partner spent such good times there, it was a big trigger and I sobbed (silently, thankfully) on the train. It was dreadful.
However, I have gone to three concerts now with another widow (I hate that word) and actually enjoyed the evenings to a small extent.
I have concluded that I will go back to places I went to with my partner if I really want to revisit them, but otherwise I am steering clear for the moment because it is just too painful. Instead, I will try new experiences like the concerts as I didn’t go to those regularly with my partner, and therefore they are not a trigger.
Having said all that, the sadness is with me wherever I am and whatever I am doing. There’s no escaping it.
Big hugs to everyone struggling at the moment. I guess that’s most people on this site!
Yes I’m trying new experiences also. Seems easier.
And the sadness is just always there isn’t it.
I find that so hard to deal with as normallly am a much more positive person and my husband was a real optimist.
Sending love and hugs for today xx
I don’t whether it was brave or foolish but I did it. He would have wanted me to try and also meet up with friends, who were actually old friends of his.
Another first, even if not a great short break.
This makes alot of sense. Its 7 years since my husband passed I am now 55. The first year I was exactly the same as you walking about in a dream, watching other peoples lifes go by. Thankfully I have 2 amazing boys (now 20/17) who are not embarrassed to be seen out with, before i was always taking them away, we have a great relationship. Now they are getting older. I have recently gone to various events on my own, theatre, concerts and I felt empowered, nothing is going to stop me for enjoying the things I like. I have plenty more booked. So it it will come and there are plenty of people doing it nobody bothers. Once youve conquered there will be no stopping you.
I have put quite a few nasturtiums in there, probably too many.
I have just returned from a bit of shopping.
First at a local farm shop. I treated myself to a pot of tea and a small piece of a rich and very chocolatey cake. I sat outside and it was entirely women out there, no couples.
Got vegetables for tonight’s dinner. Not a lot as it is very expensive.
Then onwards to get cat food and treats.
Finally went to a local garage for petrol and a few more things.
Wow that’s really positive and busy Rose. I’m impressed you went out for tea and cake by yourself
I’ve been doing a bit of shopping too. I needed some new trellis for a clematis , so I’ve got that this afternoon. Next problem will be to put it up. I think I’ll leave that for tomorrow ! Not sure how yet.
So pleased we’ve been able to tackle something positive and we both seem much better than when we woke up. We must celebrate our little victories, however small.
Perhaps a large gin and tonic tonight.
Lots of love xx
A year after I lost my husband (in France at Easter on holiday) I knew I had to revisit or I would have avoided France altogether as it has so many good memories.
This new year was hard. The last time I was there with the same people my husband was there. I should have went before but I avoided it. Took my new partner and bang the grief has hit me. Pity my partner doesn’t understand and things are rocky. So I joined here for some amazing advice support and love.
I still have not unpacked his holiday bag after 7 years, cause I know I will be so upset. Xxx
Our life has changed and now we have to navigate it as best we can. Be kind to yourself. We been through an awful time … you will know when youre ready to do things. Baby steps xxx
never felt so much like a spare wheel in my life And remember it’s solo not singles holidays lol - that’s a whole different ballgame 
xx
