Do we cry for ......

Do we cry for what we had
Do we cry for what we have lost
Do we cry for who we have lost
Do we cry for what our life has become
Do we cry for what our loved one had to endure
Do we cry because it’s expected
Do we cry to show our love for the one we have lost
Do we cry because our plans we made will not become reality

What I know is I cry for ALL the above daily and I would give ANYTHING to revers it all



certainly 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, for me

I wish I could avoid the tears whilst at work though

So true. Thank you Kazzer.
Crying is how your heart speaks when your lips can’t explain the pain you feel.
We’re allowed to scream, we’re allowed to cry but don’t give up.
Stay strong.


Sad2 thank you for that I often think “ I’m going to be strong “ but that thought don’t last long then I think is this why people stop talking for fear of upsetting me . Arrrrrrrgh

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Dear Kazzer

All except no. 6.

I also cry for what my husband has lost. Our two grandsons, one he never met and the other he was devoted to and watched over him every day.


Kazzer. I’m sure you are not upsetting people. Grieving doesn’t make you imperfect, it makes you human and your family and friends are there for you no matter what.

“Although it’s difficult today to see beyond your sorrow, may looking back in memory help comfort you tomorrow.”


I also feel so sad for what my husband will miss - graduations, weddings, grandchildren. It’s so unfair on him too. He will never get to enjoy the retirement he worked so hard for.


Dear Jules4

We had planned for me to retire at Christmas 2020 and to start our retirement. I just sit crying every day at what he has lost and how I am expected to continue on.

I do not want to put a monetary value on my husband but he deserves more than the pension companies are prepared to pay. It is an insult to all his hard work that he put in to make sure me and the family had a nice home etc. But at the end of the day I just need my husband.

Take care.


Exactly. I just keep thinking, now I am being given money without the person being here who deserves to spend it and without the person I would enjoy it with. I would give up every penny to have him back but like you say, when people work so hard and then get a small amount it just seems like a kick in the teeth that this is what it has come to.


Dear Jules4

Your right - would give up everything to have my husband back at my side. He was and continues to be my everything and finding it hard to cope without him.


Dear Sheila26
There is no comfort whatsoever in being a well off widow. I still haven’t claimed my husbands savings yet, forms are just too much. I know I am fortunate to be able to live in our much loved (but empty of love & comfort & joy) home when others on this forum tell us of losing their home or being forced out by relatives or not being able to continue to live there because of circumstances. I don’t know if I need to go back to work, I’ve not done the sums, I really don’t care that much about anything much.
I feel more affinity with my fellow distressed here than I do with my lovely family, as you all get it. Losing your soulmate takes away so much & keeps taking & taking & taking.


I would be happy with him here if we had to live on beans on toast for ever. Money doesn’t bring them back or make you happy, it just gives you one less thing to worry about. It doesn’t ease the horrendous grief of a life that we didn’t want.


My Marti was a bus driver, he had underlying health problems he shielded when necessary but went back to work when BJ said. I told him not to go back but he said ‘we need the money’ he was money mad.
But money isn’t everything is it, but to him it was.

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People want a secure future for their families so they understandably focus on making sure they work and earn. Unfortunately, it doesn’t help with the grief and the massive void without them there.

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What would we do if we couldn’t cry?

I am coming up to the fifth anniversary of my soulmate’s passing and I still cry fairly often…not the terrible racking tears of the early days but gentler and more accepting of what now is rather than what might have been, gratefulness for what I had rather than bitterness for what might have been. I also still cry “anniversary tears” for my mum and dad and my baby daughter who I lost more years ago than I care to remember, for beloved pets, for people who touched my heart and shaped my future in spite of myself.
We live in a society that expects life to be more like a fairy tale than the gritty reality it is…we all somehow expect to “live happily ever after” and death is a taboo subject which we seldom discuss…it is no wonder that so many of us struggle to come to terms with losing part of ourselves when society does not accept that grief is part of living and needs space and empathy rather than embarrassed misunderstanding. Most importantly, each of us needs to realise that none of us are promised a tomorrow and we should live each day one at a time.

So, I think that our tears are part of the “healing” process…just as everyone else who grieves the passing of a loved one, whatever their role in their life, each of us cries for different reasons at different times…each tear is part of our inbuilt coping mechanism and part of who we are. Perhaps we do cry more for ourselves and our lost hopes than for those who have left us… for we have to believe that they truly are in a better place and not “missing out” on this life… but ultimately we cry because we were blessed to have loved and been loved in return.

Take care everyone…my Barry passed away in our garden in Brittany and I leave you with the words of the doctor who attended: “Bon Courage mon ami” and my hope that your days ahead will be calmer. X


I am exactly the same and after a year it is still the same. And I woukd wish more than anything this was not my life now.


I am sorry for your loss
What a lovely message you wrote with such feeling.
I agree with all you wrote.

I am sure that if we couldn’t cry God would of created a way to release what we cannot say.

Tears to me are the words we cannot make sense
Or even want to in times of extreme stress and sadness.
Enough rambling
Be safe


Silent Tears

Each day as evening starts to set the ache builds in her chest
She knows that she must go to bed and try to get some rest
She hugs her tearstained pillow close when no one is around
And cries for the one she loved and lost and screams without a sound

Others see her in the day and think she’s doing well
But every day as evening sets she enters her own hell
Time hasn’t healed her pain at all or quieted her fears
So every night alone in bed she shed those silent tears


Sad2. This is a quiet lonely verse. but you are not alone.
But in reality God is watching silently.
He is right there in your pain.
He is waiting for you to accept Him and to repent and join Him in His love.

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Good morning Amelias gran it was lovely to see your message. I am the same as you coming up to 5 years I just can’t believe that it seems like yesterday still. I still cry every day but thankfully not as much I have a group of friends who have also lost their husbands so we all feel the same. I have a wonderful family and have just come back from Centre Parks with them but you still feel alone without my Ron but what would we do with out them. Sending love and hugs to you .xxx Carolxxxx