Hi everyone, l’m new to this community. Its 4 years since my loss of my husband, we were also best friends.. Does life ever feel normal again. The waves of sad emotions have mostly subsided but l sometimes feel lonely, especially on Sundays for some reason.
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Hi Lilliput, I just thought I’d welcome you here to this site that has been a great help to me. I can’t answer your question as I have only been grieving for four months. My lovely wife was everything for me as we had grown together for the last forty years. I hope someone will be able to give you an answer.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Thank you for your kind message. I’m so sorry for your loss, it’s a journey none of us choose to be on. The pain does get better with time, it does actually heal you eventually, you probably don’t believe this and l understand this. My best wishes to you.
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Hi Lilliput, I know I have been very fortunate to have been loved by such a lovely woman. Not everyone is so fortunate. The pain I feel is so intense because my love for her was also just as intense.
Wishing you all the best
Tom
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Hi @Lilliput Like Tom I am still early on in the journey. For me the the crying has subsided but still comes sometimes but the loneliness and sadness is very strong. Particularly when I am on my own so I have tried to keep really busy. And is is Saturday mornings for me. Evenings are not too bad. Nikki x
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Hi Tom, l really understand what you are going through, although, my journey is much further on, l never thought, l would be able to smile at the memories of the wonderful life l shared with my late husband. I still have moments of sadness. Life has not been easy and l have had to learn alot of new skills which l sometimes do well and other times not so well. Lilly
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Hi Nikki, l really understand what you are going through, it’s such a painful journey and both you and Tom are very early on in the grieving process. I never thought or wanted to recover from my loss, time often takes over and starts to heal you, it’s slow but gradual.
I find keeping a task for my down day helps get me through it. Nothing about this is easy but there is always hope. My thoughts and best wishes to you at this difficult time. Lilly
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Dear Lilliput
I would also like to welcome you to our group but I also can’t answer your question. My wonderful husband died last summer.
What I would suggest is you search here for previous posts on the subject, that’s what I did when I first joined. There are some amazing positive post from people further on in their grief journey.
Keep posting though. Its the one place you can ask anything and some kind soul will be along with words of advice or encouragement. This is the place that has kept me sane these last few months.
Take care, Helen x
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Hi Helen sorry for your loss my husband passed October last year life will never bethe same without him but l know we need to get on for our family hope all go good for you
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Hi Helen, thank you, for your kind message and your suggestion.
Ive suddenly realised, l think l know the answer to my own question, l don’t think l will ever get over my loss, however, l’m starting to accept my situation, learning to live with it.
I’m sorry that you are also in a similar situation, lots of people on the outside of your life don’t really understand the devastation effect of such a loss.
My very best wishes to you. Lilly
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Hi Dia
I’m sorry for your loss too, we are a sorry group. What is wonderful about this group though is that we all understand each other. No one that this hasn’t happened too can possibly understand. For me it’s like a bereavement group that’s always open, friends visiting without me having to tidy up or make a cake x
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Hi, I suppose it depends on your definition of “normal”. For me normal was when my partner was alive and we were together and enjoying life. I know that will never be possible again. He died suddenly seven months ago and the better part of me died too. I think we are all different in the ways we grieve, there are some common themes but there are no right or wrong ways to do it. I cannot imagine being four years down the line but you have survived it. Loneliness following the death of a loved one is both human and normal. It doesn’t matter how long ago you lost that person.
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Everything you say is true, especially about time. Your loss is still very raw, l remember every moment of that time. It can be unbearable, but l’m now able start feeling more positive.
Life is precious, I took every day one by one. l did one new challenge daily or l aimed to, l did positive stuff that made me feel happier, it is an impossibly long list but in my case it help me enormously. I wish you sincere good wishes. Lilly
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So sorry for your loss. 
I lost my love of 60 years, Jackie, on the 8th March 2025. We would have been married 58 years in September 2025.
For me, life will never be the same, if that can equate to ‘normal’. I am still extremely sad and, to be honest, more tearful than on the early months. I miss her so much 
I am moving back to my hometown area in South Wales this coming week, so some of the loneliness may not be as bad; the tears will continue.
It’s only this last year that I understand what my father went through when my mother passed in 1989.
I have met a close friend here who’s been a great help, but the turmoil in my heart is embedded too deep for me.
I am 80 and want it all to end, but like others will continue for the sake of my family and close friends.
I will carry Jackie with me until my time comes.
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All of us are going through a seemingly endless, very hard uphill struggle that will get a bit easier as time passes.
This overwhelming despair and sadness will recede somewhat as time passes.
We soldier on and we do function.
But being truly happy as we were when our loved ones were with us is, in my opinion, a thing of the past.
I expect that in a quite distant future my “happyness grade” will be something like “tolerable”.
I also do carry a card with Fanny’s picture in my shirt pocket, close to my heart.
This is a link to the thread I created a few weeks ago:
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Hi Lilliput,
It’ll be three years for me in October, and no, it doesn’t ever feel normal. But it does feel different, and the different becomes the new normal. I think it’s like being a child again and learning to ride a bike without the stabilisers that keep you from falling. You do fall off sometimes, but you also start to increase the distance you can ride by yourself. And some of that feels good.
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Hi Catrin, yes you are right about learning to basically live again, l think that’s what you meant! The last 4 years has been a learning curve also strangely an awareness of what’s really important. I think l may have stumbled across this wonderful site too late in my journey, l really needed it 4 years ago when everything seemed pointless.
Thank you for your message.
Very best wishes Lilly
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Hi lm in Wales to south Wales met a couple of people from where l live and we meet up just to talk no one knows what your going through unless it as happened to them where in Wales are you x
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I’m moving to Henllys, near Cwmbran, this coming week.
I was originally from Newport but lived away since 1971
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West Wales, quite near Aberystwyth.
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