Does life go on

Hi. I lost my husband 11wks ago and I still don’t know how I will cope. I am now living in our house which we had only recently finished on my own. We had only been together 11yrs and married for just under 3yrs. He died 6wks after going to the GP with a headache only to be told he had terminal Brain, Stomach and Lung cancer. He was fine before that and only had the odd headache which were getting more persistent. I am heartbroken and don’t know how I will face life without my soulmate. We had only just finished the house and now I am in it on my own as al our children are grown up. The Covid 19 has not helped as just when you need a hug and friends and family around you, you can’t have them. I go up and down like a rollercoaster and just when I think I’m on my way up I’m back where I started. :weary:. Everyone has been video calling but it’s not the same. I miss him and I miss all my family and friends too it’s like a double whammy. I’m sure people on here have been through the same. Any advice x

3 Likes

hi Shonzie
Very sorry for the loss of your husband.
The feelings you will experience, And rollercoaster of emotions you will go through
because you’ve lost your soulmate ,Are sadly all part and parcel of this very traumatic journey called grief.You are only in the first few months,And its still going be very raw,
Wish I could assure you things get easier,But sadly we are all different and theres no set time scale,Things that help one, May be of no help to another.Your sleeping pattern will be nigh on none exitent.And at times nothing seems to help.No one can say or do anything which will miraculously make you suddenly feel ok. Try to be kind to yourself,If you need to cry do so ,Dont hold in those feelings.Hopefully you will over a period of time ,Which could be weeks,months, or years with some, You will learn to cope.Just know you are not alone on the journey,The majority of members are in the same boat and have a good idea how you feel and at times you will be over whelmed with emotions,Little things can trigger them.
Please try read a few posts ,and im certain a few members will reach out and give you a little comfort or help.Write what ever you feel you need to and we will not judge you,
try stay safe regards
ian.

5 Likes

Words cannot express the sorrow I feel for you and as you say with all this virus and lockdown life is really hard for you. Yes, there’s lots of people on this site feeling lost and lonely and you will get lots os support but those hugs and kisses is what we are missing. Just having someone there when all you want to do is scream and cry is missing. Things will get better and we will be able to hug each other but until then it’s tuff. Try to get out for your walk and then look at your beautiful home knowing he would want you to enjoy it and be proud of what you both achieved. See the things he took pleasure in and enjoy them a-know and the times when found something was just right and what you really wanted worked, it’s ok to get pleasure from the house you both built and the time you had together. Things will improve, we all have to have more patience. Take care of yourself and try to be kind to yourself. Blessings S

2 Likes

I am having a very bad time today. My husband of only ten years passed away in November. I can’t bear this grief. How to get through it?

2 Likes

My husband and I were so enjoying our newly renovated home too when he became ill xx

1 Like

Oh I feel your pain. It is so tuff and I really can’t give you an answer. Stay in touch with this site and I’m sure we will all be there for one another. Sending hugs S x

Thank you x

Oh my love, I just wish I could come and give you a hug. Some days are worse than others and at times you just wonder if it’s worth getting up and getting dressed, yes, I think most on this site have or are feeling like that. I always say to myself ‘tomorrow is another day’ and try to forget about today. Take care of yourself.S

2 Likes

So many of us suffering the same emotions. If only we could find a solution but I guess there never will be one. I lost my partner of 26 years in October and lockdown has just compounded the problem when I thought I was starting to feel better. Now I’m back to square one and can’t stop crying. I have a daughter and young grandchildren but no other family. I nearly burst into tears earlier this week when stroking a Labrador and I realised that it was because I hadn’t touched a living creature for several weeks. I wanted to take it home! Bill was very tactile and I so miss human contact; it’s not healthy to be so alone. I desperately need to talk to him but know I never can. The future scares me as I can’t envisage a life worth living again.
My heart goes out to all of you. People who have never lost someone can never understand how devastating it is.
Kate

3 Likes

You are very kind and I know I am not alone in feeling so bereft. Yes tomorrow may well be a better day. Bless you all xx

1 Like

I was sending my message just as I saw yours Kate. I feel very sad for you, I know just what you’re going through. Oh for one of Patrick’s hugs! Let’s all try to be strong for our departed loves. Xxxx

1 Like

My Bill was very tactile too and it’s that which I miss most. Cant imagine living life without it. :sleepy:

It’s so strange this feeling of wanting to be hugged and cuddled or to hug and cuddle anything. I did get a teddy bear but it did nothing for me. That longing to be held is the biggest thing I miss. I can deal with most things that this new life throws at me including the loneliness but I have a craving to be held. Sorry I know this is not going to help anyone. You will manage one way or the other and because there’s few alternatives, you will get over the worst and learn to smile, putting on that brave face, we all do. Time heals to an extent but give me just two minutes to have him hold me and I know I would be happy. Yes, as the song says “just for one day”. Bless you all and please take care.

2 Likes

Hi shonzie
Your situation is just like mine, I lost my husband on the 3 of January this year. I had been married for 47 years soon to be 48 years
We were always together, he done everything, so now I do everything which is so frightening
I still have ups and many downs
But now I try to think positive and think, what would he say, with me crying
I have a small dog, that has been a bonus for me, as he’s 14 years old and takes some looking after.
I enjoy the walks with him
Hopefully we will all feel better soon
Chris

1 Like

It is so very very hard I lost my husband a year ago and it still feels like yesterday! This lockdown is terrible for people like us you not only have to cope with losing your love one but you are totally on your own 24hrs a day! I have a supportive family but I really don’t think they understand what it is like. I have gone to bed many many nights praying that I don’t wake up as I cannot look forward to any future, I know that’s sounds terrible when there are so many people dying of this terrible virus but I am afraid that’s how bad you feel!
I do make myself go for a walk every morning which really does help, the fresh air and getting out of four walls!
Take care
Janet x

2 Likes

I know what you mean when you say you hope you don’t wake up in the morning. I feel the same most nights since lockdown. I’m sure that people think we are melodramatic but they don’t understand the pain of bereavement. I would rather end it all now than live the rest of my life like this. My life is meaningless. I’m so hoping that when lockdown eases and I can resume my social life this desperation will ease too.
Kate

3 Likes

Hi Kate2 sometimes it is good to hear other people’s feelings on bereavement because you feel very isolated and alone as it seems you are the only one feeling like this!! I miss my husband every second of every day and like you I cannot see any future ahead of me! I still find it hard to accept that I will never see him again! I have very bad days and some better days but it still doesn’t seem true that he has gone! It is understandable that people who have never been in this situation just don’t understand, I was thinking about my own mother when my father died I didn’t really understand how she felt as I was grieving myself for my dad! She was on her own for 30 years
but when I think about it I didn’t understand.
Take care
Janet x

1 Like

Hi Shonzie, Steve passed away 13 months ago now. Being on your own is painful, exhausting and you cry from the pit of your stomach. Life will never be the same again. It’s lonely and scary. You will learn your to do things that you never thought you could do and your partner / husband would be so proud of you. I have accepted that over time, but I Still feel terribly lonely. I Still cry at night when I wake and he is not there. It’s not planned, it’s spontaneous. This is a long , awful road. Allow yourself time to cry, be kind to yourself. Eat what you like, when you like, there is no right or wrong with grief. Eventually there will be an acceptance. My thoughts are with you, xx

4 Likes

I feel exactly the same after six months without my husband my life is unbearable most of the time. I have probably mentioned that Patrick and I had been married before so we really appreciated meeting each other later in our lives. I can’t cope with some friends who tell me what they have been doing together in lockdown. I don’t find it so with everyone but I have irrational thoughts that they are deliberately hurting me. I don’t think I can live my life like this. It is too painful and it is only because I have two lovely cats I have to look after to the best of my ability that I have survived so far. My husband wanted two little kittens and I look at them now and cry that he can’t see them. We used to text each other little messages about them. I would like to know why I can’t be glad to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all…because this grief is just not bearable is it.

2 Likes

Thanks Krissy. It is so hard and 47 yrs is a long time. Bill and I did everything together so I miss him doing things, organising things and holding my hand. X

Back to top