Next week will be 6 months since I lost my beloved husband suddenly at 50, we’d been together since we were 16, it would have been our 30th Wedding anniversary a few months ago, we had so many plans to celebrate
Everyone said it would get easier with time but it hasn’t, it feels as raw as it did the first few weeks. I have started to go back to work a few days, I attended counseling, I manage to go out, meet friends etc, but inside I literally feel like my heart is bleeding
It doesn’t help that I keep having dreams about him, and that he hasn’t died, when I wake up and realise it was just a dream, its like a punch in the gut all over again. The other day I laid down alongside he’s grave and placed my arm across the soil as of I was hugging him, I just wanted to be close to him. I think if I didn’t have my Son and Daughter to live for, I don’t know what I would have done
I feel like I am moving forward slowly physically ( Although not sleeping) mentally and emotionally I’m stuck, its like my heart and heard refuse to move on without him
Does anyone else feel/felt like this, does it better? I’d appreciate any tips, thank you
From a heart broken widow
10 Likes
Hi Widow23,
I just wanted you to know that I read your post and understand how you are feeling. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m sure there willl be others along soon to offer more support.
Justin
1 Like
Hi widow23, I am sorry for your loss and how you are feeling. I am coming up yo 5 months without my husband. I understand how you feel. I am in denial too, part of me believes he will one day just walk in the front door as usual and this nightmare will be over. But this will never happen. I have young children and I go through the motions one step at a time because I have to.
Thinking of you
5 Likes
So sorry for your loss, and know how you feel. My husband died a month ago and I’m the same. It’s so hard isn’t it?
3 Likes
Hi @Widow23
I’d like to say it gets easier & I suppose in a way it does in so much as the grief becomes easier to live with, easier to carry. I’m over 4 years on & I’m having a particularly hard time at the moment for no particular reason. Thought I’d been doing well, getting out & about enjoying life again but then wham! I think that’s what happens as time goes on, the grief stays hidden & isn’t as raw but sometimes you can’t keep it down. I wrote a free verse piece yesterday & posted it because I have found writing has really helped. It was about being empty inside & that’s the only way I can describe how I feel at the moment. But to give you a ray of hope these episodes become less frequent, you will learn to be happy & enjoy life again, you’ll live alongside your grief. Grief is the result of the pure love you had.
Sending love & strength 
7 Likes
Thank you, you hit the nail on the head, the feeling of empty, I feel like I had a shinning light inside me, someone turned the light off, 
someone said to me, eventually it will start to glow again with time, I hope so.
I’ll check out your writing
Than you, and good luck on your journey x
3 Likes
Hi @Widow23,
I feel exactly the same. Sad, lonely and emptiness all the time. It never leaves me (19 months for me now)
Still don’t believe that it is really true.
Hi @Jodel712. where did you post your poem about emptiness? I’d really like to read it.
4 Likes
Hasn’t printed as I wrote it
1 Like
@Jodel712
That is beautiful, and I totally empathize with what you have written.
It is just that feeling of complete emptiness.
I feel void of any strong emotions that are not related to missing my husband.
I don’t feel happy about anything, nothing to look forward to, I don’t really get angry or upset about things or people. Don’t have strong views about issues at work. Just feel like I don’t care about anything because nothing matters now I haven’t got my husband with me .
Thank you so much for sharing your feelings in such a beautiful way
It’s comforting to know others have similar feelings
4 Likes
I feel dark and hollow. Everything I do seems pointless.
I am seeing my David tomorrow for the first time since he left me on the 14th May. I have been making some pretty paper notes to put in his coffin, pink love hearts and flowers, poems and messages to him, i feel so sorry for him all alone in the funeral home. 
1 Like
This is an awful time for you, it will bring you comfort sending your messages of love along with him on his journey. Sending love to you today
1 Like
Dear @penny6
I hope your visit to see your husband went well.
As soon as I was allowed, I went to visit my husband every day in his funeral home. His coffin was able to be open right until the last day, and he looked beautiful and young to me.
I used to chat away, and I also read him the eulogy I had written for him lots of times, and played him the music I’d chosen for him. I wanted his approval of what I’d written … I know he gave it to me.
One day the lady in his funeral home gave me some very sound advice. I was crying and getting upset about the length of time until the funeral. She simply said “remember you’ll never get this time again”
After that I just treasured the time I spent with him alone in his funeral home. I saw it as just more special moments for just him and me.
But I know everyone is different. And we all do what is right for us at these most difficult of times. That’s what you must do and remember what ever feels right for you is right .
Big hugs , love and strength to you
1 Like
I have finally got to see my David, I barely slept on Tuesday night as the mixture of dread and wanting to see David kept churning round my mind.
My sister went with me, I took the little things I had made for him and letter for him.
It was quite a shock to see him as the body lying there did not look like my David, it was David but strange, not my David as I knew him. I guess it is because his spirit has left and also he has been dead for over 2 weeks now :(.
I told him I loved him, I said night night, I placed the gifts I had brought in to his coffin and said my final goodbye, not to David but to his body.
We did not stay long, it was enough. I wept on the way home and when we got home but after I had calmed down and had a cuppa I felt strangely relieved that I had seen him and spoken to him.
I am glad I went to see him but at the same time I wish he had looked like him and didn’t really like seeing him but it has given me a little more closure, it will be his funeral next Wednesday.
Thank you for your contact it all helps me not to feel so lonely.
3 Likes
I felt like that, I’m glad I had chance to say goodbye & put things with him but it wasn’t my Derek. He’s here with me in my heart & everything I do & see, I take him with me everywhere.
David’s not gone he’s become part of you
3 Likes