I have felt like this his too .10 months for me and last two months feel back to square one crying upset can’t believe it ,etc it’s torture .best thing to do is talk with friends etc I have few friends who have suffered loss of husbands and they are huge support xxx
2 Likes
I am sat in my car on the drive balling my eyes out. I hate crying in front of my kids but I just feel like it’s hitting me all over again.
Like you said if we aren’t thinking about it, it’s not too bad. When there are no distractions it hits hard! I think I’m worse now my holiday is over. Back to reality.
The worse thing is nothing or no one can really make it any better, this is making me depressed. I even thought " I wonder what drug I could take to make me happy?" Antidepressants aren’t doing that and I’ve never taken illegal drugs, I’m not really a drinker, so I think it’s just another way my brain is trying to escape the pain.
2 Likes
Thank you, that’s why I come on here. It does help a little to share the load. Xx
1 Like
Somewhere to vent where no one judges.
2 Likes
I never went down the antidepressant route although there were times by sons said “mum you need some help”. I was given a sleep aid but only for a couple of weeks and since then I’ve battled on and at a stage now where although not crying all the time I feel I will never be truly happy again. The worse thing for me is living alone. I went straight from my mum and dads to marrying John and some 46 years later I’m living alone. My sons, friends and grandkids visit often but at the end of the day going to bed alone and worse waking up alone is just sometimes unbearable. I’m doing all I can to keep myself busy as I find that had helped. I swim a couple of times a week and volunteer at a local community hub where I have met some amazing people.
This life is not what I chose but I had 46 wonderful years with the love of my life who worshiped the ground I walked on. How could I ask for more ? Love you darling 
Georgina
3 Likes
Oh how I feel with you. I went straight from mum and dad to marrying Norman and we were together for just under 50 years. I keep thinking I see him out if the corner of my eye sitting in his chair. When he worked abroad for a short while we were apart Monday to Friday but waking up each day alone is hell. Learning to live alone when he also became my carer is so difficult. I know I will survive but will I ever truly live again
1 Like
That’s so weird you say that, I keep seeing stuff out of the corner of my eye too. Thought I was going mad
1 Like
I think it must be wishful thinking as I don’t believe in ghosts. The problem is it isn’t a comfort
2 Likes
Even after two years I still sometimes get two mugs out to make a cup of tea and then it hits me - he’s not here anymore. John did night work for 23 years so although used to him being out at night I always felt him crawl into bed beside me. Now all I have his the jumper he wore the last two weeks of his life when he was feeling poorly and always cold. That’s kept under his pillow which I always seem to grab during the night.
BIG Hugs
Georgina
3 Likes
That makes three of us,during the last four weeks I feel as though I’ve seen my wife out of the corner of my eye … she always relaxed on the recliner sofa to my left side,but when I look and see she isn’t there it leaves me with a pain,a terrible pain and the tears come. How strange though.
5 Likes
Well before my husband died I believed in the possibility of everything. Ghosts, heaven, different realms etc. now I feel as if I’ve lost my belief in everything. My husband and I had such a deep connection in life I’d assume that I’d have had signs if he was somewhere else but I’ve found and felt nothing.
This has actually left me more depressed. If I could just believe that he had gone on before me, I think I’d be able to carry on and it wouldn’t feel so bad. However, sometimes I do just get this weird peaceful feeling, like he’s in my heart. It’s quite odd and I can’t explain it. The thing out of the corner of my eyes has happened quite a lot lately. I couldn’t say it was my husband, it’s just an object or figure out of the corner of my left eye. It’s happened so much it’s started to make me question what it is.
3 Likes
Can I ask you? Don’t you believe in anything after death then? I used to, now I just don’t know. All I know is I was a lot happier when I believed. I feel so depressed now thinking this is it. Everything seems so pointless.
1 Like
I don’t know what I believe I just pray there is so I can be with him sometime in the future.
2 Likes
Yes, I totally get that. Even if there is nothing we won’t know. However, whilst we are here I think it’s beneficial to try to cling onto the hope that we will see our loved ones again. I really hope I can truly start to believe this again.
2 Likes
Since my dear husband passed away 27 weeks ago, I have had days when I believed there was ‘something’ after but on others, I couldn’t see how there could be and how it was possible.
There is an awful lot written about signs, and I have found a number of white feathers in odd places at especially at emotional times. We scattered my husband’s ashes in a small village churchyard, his wishes. Just before we were leaving for the service, a beautiful red butterfly landed on a wall just in front of me, a strange place because there was no vegetation around. It did give me comfort as I was very emotional.
Also, on occasions whilst sitting on the sofa, I have almost seen him sitting in his reclining chair, out of the corner of my eye.
We don’t know, but I am trying to believe we will be together again somehow, otherwise what is it all about?
3 Likes
I agree it’s very depressing isn’t it? That’s why I want to know how atheists deal with death. I think it’s all very well being an atheist when no one you love has passed, however I believe the death of someone very close to us, changes us. Without the hope of something afterwards it seems pointless carrying on.
I was thinking the other day, if there is no god or higher power or anything and the world was just created from evolution then that would be pretty amazing and to me seems kind of impossible.
3 Likes
When my husband died I said to some people I feel like I’m living in an altered universe, not that this wasn’t happening but that it was happening and I was the only one who could see the futility of life, that this existence isn’t what we thought it was. I don’t know if that makes sense. I deliberately didn’t think about my husband when I was going to bed because I knew I would get nightmares and I couldn’t bare thinking about him all day and have nightmares about him at night, and they would be nightmares because he died in a fall. So I thought of something else, and thankfully that worked for me. I couldn’t fight nightmares as well as the waking hours. I would try very hard not to go on anti-depressants if I thought I needed them, cause I couldn’t fight having to give them up as well as surviving every day. I’ve been watching World on Fire and there was a line in there that best describes how I’ve been feeling. “I feel as if I’m living someone else’s life”.
2 Likes
I am so sorry for everyones losses…i haven’t lost a partner but have lost my older brother and altho there are no comparisons some of the things you describe i have felt similar too…i look for the signs…butterflies and white feathers…i sometimes also look up feeling that someone is there and there isn’t. Sometimes i feel numb today i got home from food shopping and was in a heap on the kitchen floor in tears
I do literally believe we have to take each day as it comes and live the cood days and ride out the not so good ones
Take care all xx
2 Likes
Hi, I’m feeling exactly the same as you, I lost my husband 9 months ago and thought I was doing ok, but I have not stopped crying for three weeks , every day and just feel so lonely and sad, all the time.
I just don’t know why this is happening and don’t know how to handle each new day without him
I have finally got an appointment for some counselling in August and am hoping this will help
So just to say you are not alone on this sad journey of coming to terms with your loss, and sending hugs and understanding to you
Take care
2 Likes
I hope your counselling goes well. I only had a couple of sessions but it worked for me. It’s just good to let everything out to someone who just listens who will tell you how you are feeling is perfectly normal. Fingers crossed it helps you.
Georgina
1 Like