Don't feel like doing anything

Hi Angela60 & Mandy28, I am exactly the same! I feel ashamed of how lazy I am but, am powerless to do anything about it. I, too, watch Netflix endlessly & spend a lot of time on social media. When will I get my life back? I think I know the answer “Never” It’s gone & that’s it! Hope it makes you feel better that we are all having the same reaction to our loss xx

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@sannepeter@mandy28 it’s like we are just going through the motions isn’t it.My life has changed since I lost him different life now.

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And to make things worse I was at my sister in laws funeral yesterday,all the memories came flooding back. She was the last link.

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Mandy38 Angela60, it’s the same for everyone whose lost someone it appears. It sucks, it really does! I just need to find myself again & I don’t exist anymore, so that’s not going to happen. Hugs to both of you, it’s good to chat to someone who does understand xx

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Hi everybody just checking our group chats before I go to bed to try and sleep.Gosh I totally understand about feeling lazy.I worked all my life and retired couple of years early as my hubby retired before me thank goodnessI did as he died suddenly 3 years later.Its 11 years now and there were many days when I didn’t feel the motivation to be bothered doing all the regular day to day chores.Gradually I started again but not with the same get up and go.My lovely son my only child spent alot of time with me so felt as though yes will keep everything spot on for him too.He passed away in March this year my heart is broken.I do spend alot of time now sitting crying.I do minimal chores and I do feel a bit lazy really doesn’t seem to be much point.However I will say I do get out as being out and about lifts my mood a bit but my head is always full of my 2 men.Fresh air bit of exercise bit of lunch better than feeling guilty for not being too zealous with my household chores.Love to you all but whatever you do or do not want to do is your decision as grieving for our loved ones is the hardest and loneliest thing ever xxxx

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@Marg1 so very true

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Hi Maz1948

It’s 18 months today that I lost my husband and this feeling of wanting to do nothing is overwhelming me. I’ve had days where I have just stayed in my bedroom only leaving to get a drink or some food. My bedroom is my safe space now and if I do get up etc, I can’t wait for the evening so I can retreat again.
This is so unlike the me of the past but I guess this is the me of the future. Like you I just wish I could disappear ……

You are so right when you say nobody is interested anymore. I’m just so fed up of being told by ‘friends’ that they would love to meet, have been thinking about me etc but have been or are too busy to do anything about it! Don’t they realise how hurtful these comments are.

Grief is such a sad and lonely place and I can see no way out of it.

X

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Hi Trixie1, it’s so difficult after losing someone who you have been with for so many years. You have to do what you can do & only that. Folk who expect you to be ok after however many years it has been, just don’t get it! It’s not their fault, they just don’t understand & whatever they say to you, you know your situation & how you feel & the only way you can cope. So you have to carry on doing what is right for you. Since my husband died, it was December 30th 2021 so nearly a year now. I have no energy, I feel lazy & even I can’t understand my reaction. I expected to carry on as the person I have always being but, that person doesn’t exist anymore. She died along with my husband. The me that exists now is a completely different being. I don’t understand it but I know it’s true. So, I plod along not really wanting to be here & just exist. The loneliness & pointlessness of my life without my husband is overwhelming. I honestly thought I would move on fairly quickly because that’s the sort of person I was. I was completely wrong! I can’t move anywhere, I am totally stuck, can’t move forward & of course, can’t go back. I am superglued here & now & no idea how to change anything. I don’t know if what I have written will help you, it’s just a relief to know we’re not on our own with our troubled feelings & laziness. Bless you & Hugs from me to you xx

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Hi sannepeter

Thank you for replying to my post and it does help to know that, sadly, there are others who feel and act as I do and that I am not alone. I’ve tried explaining it to family but as you say, they can’t understand. Like you, I feel stuck as I can’t move backwards and yet forwards just seems too much, too soon. Perhaps one day ………

Returning a big hug

X

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Hi Trixie 1,
I wish I was there to give you a big hug, is that something you miss? I do just someone to hug you & say its going to get better.
I’m reading this in bed as had another broken nights sleep, I sleep for a few hours then am awake with something like a brick inside me just thinking what life was like & what it’s like now.
I don’t feel I have a life now really, go through the motions but there’s always a big hole where Pete should be.
I don’t know if this will help you , but I went to a bereavement group last week and surprised myself at how much I told them. Things you don’t want to load onto family. I felt better afterwards just for talking I think. I must try and go again.
Like you though my friends seem pretty thin on the ground, they’re either busy or don’t want to meet up or visit places. It does make you see them in a new light & as you get older it’s difficult to make new proper friends.
If your bed feels like your safe place at the moment Trixie then stay there, hopefully a day will come for us all when we feel more positively about things but if that’s not here yet- so be it.
I go to bed every night & say ‘that’s another day over then’ so sad, wishing life away.
You’re not on your own out there Trixie, I wonder how many of us there are just feeling the same as us, so sad.
Let’s just hang on in there and as the words go
’ this too will pass’ , - let’s hope so. Xxx

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Good morning everybody am still in bed teary as usual.I was just reading chats and gosh how I feel exactly same Sannepeter.No longer am I the person I was after loss of hubby and then my only son earlier this year.I do get out but don’t rely on anybody else to get me out.I so miss my men and the love we all had for each other.Everything seems pointless now but I will plod on.Love to all xxxx

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I know just what you mean. I seem to spend hours just staring through the window. I find afternoons particularly difficult and some days seem endless.

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I’m not the only one on this forum then that feels like this.I have joined a couple of groups to get me out of the house,but it is an effort to do this and when I go after an hour or so all I want to do is go home to the safety of my house.
I wonder if this feeling will ever go away.To my family and friends they seem to think I’m doing fine but I know different,just want my old life back.
It is nice to know on this forum that we can all look out for each other.
Take care every one xxx

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No your not lazy I lost my husband 5 years ago and at first I did not want to do anything and although Eventually I have had to get on with life and does get easier but when it comes to the anniversary or birthday I find I hit a real low and feel like I don’t want to do anything but it passes but losing a partner is hard every thing changes It took me about two years before it started to get easier. Sending love and hugs to everyone out there that is grieving

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No you’re not alone in feeling like this Angela60
I get very anxious about going anywhere now, and breathe a sigh of relief when I’m back home and feel safe.
Sending love and hugs.
X

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Its just 16 weeks since I lost my dear wife to vascular dementia and I’ve been trying to “get myself together” but though I have things I could be doing I don’t have the drive or energy to do them. So you are not alone in this.

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I so empathise with everything you say, I had a ticket to go to a local theatre yest for a big band concert but at the last minute I couldn’t go. Just had the feeling, what’s the point. My dear wife only passed 16 weeks ago

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I totally agree with all of you. Life is so pointless… I’m just existing; this is not a life anymore . I don’t go out at all anymore, I WFH, get my shopping delivered… sending strength and love to you all…:broken_heart::pensive:x

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Sending a big hug this pain is relentless I cry all day had to go doctors for sleeping pills while I sleeping there is no pain but then you wake up again you take care your not alone x

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@Ianmike,my husband had vascular dementia as well his progressed very quickly but it didn’t get him in the end sepsis did. It is very hard isn’t it caring for someone with dementia to see someone intelligent disappear in front of you it horrible. Looking back now I think I had pstd. Every day is an effort isn’t it even now . I miss every second of the day x

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