It was, but to look at Martin, you would never have known. It certainly didn’t hold us back! We travelled and had such a wonderful life together.
Martin had treatment over the years, we had been to Sheffield a few years back for Gamma Knife treatment. The doctors were all pretty positive, so we never let it worry us.
On one occasion Martin bought us tickets to see Woody Allen play jazz at The Carlisle in New York! What wonderful memories; he was spontaneous like that. I miss him dearly….
I have been following your posts it must be heart breaking for you so young and such a short time together. Also for Lonely after many more years which can be just as sad. I lost my husband in July 2022 he was the meaning to my life and I was his carer for a few years. I was a few years younger so there were things we couldn`t do that I missed I have always been really independent as kept the family together as he worked so hard. I find it really strange that the things we did in sort of a companion silence I find hard. I am lucky as we /he made sure I would be financially ok. I go out for lunch on my own, I did it before, I walk 3 miles in a morning with the radio. What I really miss are the stupid stuff to talk about I actually just miss him
I’m so sorry for your loss……. It really is just heartbreaking for us all. We didn’t ask for this, but unfortunately, here we are…
It’s amazing that you can get out and do things, I bet your lovely husband would be so proud…
I’m yet to find my feet, I haven’t been outside my house in a few months. Shopping is delivered & I work from home. I’m going to try to do more, and get back out into the world; I know my Martin would be so upset if he seen me now…, you have given me some hope…
Hi Dottie He would I went to The Lakes for Christmas with my brother`s family 5 trains!
When Colin died I knew he would want me to carry on and I am so lucky he gave me the confidence to carry on. I miss him so much at stupid times , a tin of paint he didnt use etc. I am moving house as cant stand being in our house it is the house with really bad memories of him being ill. I think we all get there at different times we take in the pace that is good for us. You take care and at some point life will become easier not what you expected but easier x
Hi All
Reading everyone’s posts is so heartbreaking…… Dottie so young to lose her soulmate
Lonely …. All those years
Paul’s funeral was on our 44 th wedding anniversary ( my choice) like you Lonely when we walked up the isle little did we know in 44 years time what would be happening
What can anyone do or do to ease our pain
All of our loved ones would not want us to be this this
I’m afraid that’s easier said than done and it’s been said before
Grief is the price we pay for love
we all are paying that price ……
And yes……. That thought…… I’ll tell Paul that
I remember when the Queen passed away I thought
Paul will never know that…….
So many thoughts in our heads all the time
The what’s ifs
I should’ve done that
I could’ve done that
I meant to say that……
I should’ve said that…
And the biggest thing is seeing couples….
Hugs all round
I think however we never expect the to worse to happen I never did. Colin and I were together 42 years it would be our 40 th wedding anniversary next year. It only seems like yesterday we met. I feel grateful we did have that time together and all the wonderful memories I have. I have to block out for my own mental health the time he was in hospital as it was so traumatic. As I have said I am so grateful to a wonderful man who gave me the confidence to carry on no matter how much I miss him. A walk with ear phones what ever you listen to does set up the day, clears you mind x
I knew my husband for 44 years. I met him on my first day of full time work when I was 16 and he was 18. We were married for 37 years. We had ups and downs like everyone else but he was everything to me. We were very happy together. 3 children and 10 grandchildren. I’m the same as you @Bess1, I want to tell him about everything. I’m worried about doing anything new because he can’t be involved and I can’t tell him about it. I’d feel like I was leaving him behind. It’s heartbreaking. Big cuddles to you all I. Your grief and loss xx.
Hi Jean
You and me both I feel as if I am leaving him behind
I want to tell him ‘stuff’ and he’s not there
I talk to him and tell him but it’s not the same never will be and now to say he died last year is just horrendous
I’d like to think what Heather says he’s by my side
He’d better be cos I hate this being alone
He’d better be close to ……I loved being together
Oh happy times
Xx
Hi Lonely
Yes Paul is definitely in my heart soul and mind
I too always say when I get into bed love you honey night night
He always said yes honey
I say that too
I too when I leave after I’ve told him where I’m going
say
Won’t be long honey
When I’m back I open the door and say I’m back honey
But ……. When home Paul’s not there for me to tell him who I’ve seen what they’ve said etc etc
Also I always walked to the farm in the winter for when he finished work if he wasn’t finished I’d start feeding the calves
We came home together and always chatted about his day
In the summer when he was on his tractor I’d always walk to the field
We spent hours in the tractor together especially when he was drilling corn and put in
( as all farmers do) some seriously long hours
Sometimes chatting sometimes not as Paul was concentrating often I feel asleep
All tractors have a passenger seat
I so miss that
I miss absolutely everything
It’s so true the saying
You never know what you’ve got until it’s not there
It not about taking folk for granted which I suppose we all do , it’s being happy together content in our own company until yes it’s not there
It’s the eating alone
It’s less washing
It’s buying less food
It’s watching TV alone ( something I can’t bring myself to do)
It’s being in the car alone
Its everything
I just can’t explain it I just feel ‘different’
Even shopping alone which I always did now I feel ‘different’ Paul not ‘there’ in the background at work or home
Not ever going to ring me and ask how I’m getting on
Paul not there to ring when I’m on my way home
Oh @Bess1 I’m right with you in everything you say. He’s just not there anymore. When I get up in the morning. When I go up to bed at night (he usually went up before me). When I get out of the shower, come home from seeing friends. The list is endless. All our little routines like you going to the tractor. Our lives have just been turned upside down and inside out and back to front and nothing seems real. Everything you say just resonates with me. Cuddle for you xx.
It’s killing me, knowing I won’t talk to her, see her be with her in any way, I miss her so much. I always told her I couldn’t live without her & I meant it. What makes it worse is it could have been avoided & she could have still been here!!
I’ve been like that numerous times. In the middle of a meltdown the utter despair and realisation that it’s permanent is absolutely unbearable. Keep crying until you can’t cry anymore and you’ll feel a little better. Your body won’t let you cry forever. Keep posting on here until you have settled a little. I’m right here x.
…. It really is just heartbreaking for us all. We didn’t ask for this, but unfortunately, here we are…
