Barbara,
Please do as Mitzi says ring someone.
It is very early and you havd done well to even come on this forum. I would not have been able to. You have a son who needs his mum. We know the pain, so if talking on here helps please keep doing it.
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Oh Barbara, Please, I have been there, I was married to my Darling Elizabeth for 15 years. My poor Darling had Parkinsonās diagnosed in 1994.She was wonderful, how brave and always up for doing things even as that Parkinsonās slowly was taking things away from her. I looked after us for 20 years or so packing in my full time job and going part time in 1999, the going self employed. We did everything together. Even when I visited my clients. As things progressed I was helping my Darling get up, shower, dress and all the other things. We always did the shopping together. I of course cooked and cleaned. When she left me I did not know why I was here, I had lost my purpose for being. It was so hard. My Darling passed in April 2024. With help from my daughter and son, this site, and later the Bereavement Cafe in the village, life is not so grim. I will always love and miss my wonderful wife, But I am learning to manage the grief. You are at the start of the hard journey. It is so fresh you are in shock. Please look after yourself. I used to get up in the middle of the night as I could not sleep I ended up making a cup of tea and a piece of toast, it became 2 breakfasts most days. The grief comes in waves, you will have better times Just take one small step at a time. Sending you a huge hug like from a brother.
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@mizi1, @nightwish1, @brummy, @Rob05 .
Thank you all for responding to me yesterday. I felt in freefall. I did phone the Samaritans and I will speak to my doctor.
You were all so kind and caring and I appreciate it more than you could know. I fear coming on here too often though. I hate burdening more onto you, when you are all grieving too. I known thatās what this wonderful forum is for, but I have never been good at asking for help. Thank you all and love to you all x
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Barbara, you are not a burden, we are all on here because we need support. I am glad you are seeing your doctor.
Like i said writing on here helps,if someone can help they will. Itās a strange horrible path we are on but together we can do it. Take care and keep posting, please.
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@BarbaraD
Well done you for ringing the Samaritans and hopefully you will see your doctor today.
I am so happy you rang them you had us all rather worried last night.
Itās going to take a while but it will get easier for you. We have all been there and itās horrendous but just keep remembering your hubby is still with you helping you on this dreadful journey and your son needs you. Our kids whether adults or younger need their mumsā¦
Keep posting on here. Itāll make you realise that weāve all been through or going through what you are feelingā¦
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Well done Barbara. Asking for help is not a weakness it shows that you recognise that you need help, as we all do. It takes courage to ask for help. I am exactly the same. You are still a Mum and children always need their parents. Itās not easy being Mum and Dad but you will do it because thatās what we do.
I sometimes think what am I supposed to do with all the caring I gave to my husband ? Over time you will be the one responding on here, or to family and friends who need a caring word.
Take care of yourself. Always here to listen if you need a chat .
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Hi Barbara.my wife passed 3 weeks married 55 years. It was sudden today a bad day thinking about the funeral. I get panic attacks. Have a word with your Doctor I have some tablets and some sleeping tablets it helps. I wish for a miracle but they donāt happen. With you x
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Thank you dear Sheppard, it is a living nightmare isnāt it? Our Worlds have imploded and so quickly. My husband was my all, and my best friend. I long to talk to him. It is the finality I canāt grasp. I keep hoping for a miracle too. I am so sorry for the loss of your wife. 55 years for you and 52 for me. Itās like having half of you torn awsy. I know grief from losing my parents, but this grief is totally different. Its all consuming and feel like a 5 year old who doesnāt know how to survive in an adult world. I empathise with the panics. I suddenly get a whoosh of terror and panic and dont know what to do at those moments. I hope your tablets will help. Panic is horrendous. My doctor explained that a sudden, unexoected death is a different kind of grief. The mind canāt grasp it or believe it. I cant bear to think about the funeral. Like you it sends me into a panic. Im not anywhere near to even acknowledging he is gone yet. He was here this time last week. We went to buy paint to do our living room and this week I am overwhelmed with everything to do with death. It is really unreal. I am thinking of you and donāt really know what to say other than I am so sorry for your loss and your pain. Sending warmest wishes. x
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@BarbaraD so sorry for your loss. My husband collapsed on the pavement near our house and died totally and utterly unexpectedly in January. I had to wait for a post mortem as he was never ill and it turned out to be a pulmonary embolism. He was 65, I had just turned 60. Those first few weeks I was in utter shock, my legs used to shake and I couldnāt stop them. Now 5 months down the line the shock is much less, but I am so sad at what he and I are missing .We had both taken early retirement and loved to travel. I also have 2 sons who miss their dad so much. I lost my dad when I was younger like them, so I know how they feel. I felt everything you said you felt yesterday but am coping much better now. Sending you a big hug xxxx
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Me again keep strong I get a lot of support from friends and family but I can only take so much and need to be alone then regret being by myself. Iāve tried looking for help but you canāt escape. It does help talking to someone feeling the same .Keep safe
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Hello Brummy, this feels like an endless Ocean that is impossible to swim through. I feel angry that Iām the one left but also immensely relieved that my husband isnāt going through this pain. I am drinking yet more tea and putting off going to bed. I am really sad for you too. The very idea that we should be able to get used to being without a part of us is impossible to believe. How do you go on when your heart has been ripped out. We too had made plans and were looking forward to having more holidays. Not only have we lost our beloved partners, but we have been robbed of the plans we had and the joy of sitting with the person we have loved and who loves us. I hope you sleep well.
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Dear Cloudysky, I so empathise with what you have said. My legs havent felt like they belong to me since last Wednesday. My whole body and being is just wrong. I am so sorry for your sons. It is a turmoil really because they are grieving. My son has been hit for 6 and is in pieces. They look to us as āMumā to be strong etc. I am trying but I am am barely functioning. The shock must have been so huge for you. I still cant grasp how my husband was here last week. On Monday we bought paint. Tuesday we were discussing plans and Wednesday we went for a picnic by the river, got home and in less than 20 mins he was dead. Thank you for your kind response to me. Am sending hugs back. Take good care of yourself. X
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@BarbaraD
Morning Barbara. Iām just checking in to see how both you and your son are coping.
Not only is it a busy time with so many things to think of itās the time you and your son need to be together to talk n cry and support each other.
Nothing will make sense right now but we on this forum will try n help if we can. Keep coming on here and someone will answer.
Sending a hugā¦
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Dear Barbara, You put it so well. Everything feels so wrong and we are in turmoil, espe ially in those first weeks and months. Nothing is normal anymore. I think we stay in shock for some time. We just cannot take it in. How can it be? Our brains cannot comprehend it. Where are they? Youāve lost half of yourself. Its confusing and bewildering. Horrible. Sending love xx
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Hi Barbara. Hope youāre ok. Youāve had a lot of replies and it helps to know youāre not alone when you feel very low. I went shopping this morning fridge empty ! Came home and house very empty and a lot of time ahead but we all feel that emptiness. Keep safe x
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Thank you Sheppard. It is a bad day today. The pain feels unendurable and all I can see is years of emptiness ahead. My life feels meaningless. It will be 1 week tomorrow since my Michael died. It feels like an eternity. I cannot see a way through this. I donāt even want to get through it. We have never been separated for a whole week before and knowing that this is it from now on is torture. How do we go on without the person who is part of us? I am realising how much he loved me and looked after me. I will never have that again. Iām so sorry for such a sad and miserable reply. You did so well to go shopping and get your fridge filled. Take care.
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Donāt apologise for sad replies @BarbaraD That is what everyone is here for. One week is such a short time and I know you cannot grasp the reality of it. We have all felt like you . I know I have to be here for my sons, my sisters and my mum. That is what keeps me going at the moment. Both my sons have got brilliant promotions in their jobs in the last month and so wanted to tell their dad. I will do anything I can to make it less painful for them. Iām further down the line than you and I cannot remember that first week at all. One minute we are walking down the road, 45 minutes later my husband has passed and the ambulance man is giving me a bag of his belongings. So shocking. I do emphasise so much with you, bless you xxxx
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Hello Mitzi1, you are so kind to check in on me. Itās been a bad day today. I had a phone call to say the death certificate is being sent to the undertaker. I dread areanging the funeral and cant bear to look at the brochure. Iām nowhere near to acceptance of the finality of this. A week ago we were having dinner and talking about a holiday, and now Iām having to think about death certificates and funeral plans. It is surreal and I just canāt grasp that itās true. Thank you again for your kindness and care. I hope you are ok? You have been such a trauma too. The loss of your John was also so sudden. The brain just canāt fathom what has happened. My doctor said that such a sudden and unexpected loss, I think he called it āComplex lossā causes all the things you mentioned. He reassured me that Iām not going crazy even though I feel I am. Sending love xxx
Thank you so much Lydia. You are so right. The brain cannot comprehend it. It is really traumatic and makes you feel like you are going crazy. Thank you for reaching out to me. I hope you are doing better? I was wayching something on utube about the "Grief journey " i didnt like that because a journey suggests an eventual end to the journey and I canāt, at the moment, imagine this nightmare ever ending. X
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Dear Cloudysky, the suddeness of it is all the more shocking. I feel like a child trying to grasp some undersranding. I keep asking myself - how can someone be here 1 minute and gone the next. I think you probably felt the same. What an horrendous thing to happen to you. It is all just so surreal and unbelievable. Your husband would be so proud of your sons as you are. Not being able to tell him must be so painful for them. Thank you for responding to me. X