When I registered the death of my Darling wife I had to wait in a waiting room. I was putting on a brave front ( paper thin ) A lady came in and started crying , she was sat one chair away from me. I could feel the tears starting, I reached out and took her had and squeezed it, she looked at me, I squeezed it again, and I was called. I have wondered what she thought of a strange man taking her had and squeezing it with a tear in his eye. I still do not know if it was the right thing to do. The trouble is my Elizabeth made me a caring person and I cannot help my self.
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Thank goodness your boss could support you.
My son will go with me. I donāt want to go at all. I will face it and do what needs to be done but my brain keeps saying āthis shouldnāt be happeningā. So much pain for us all and I hate being like this and making other people miserable. Once again Iām putting off going to bed even though I feel wiped out. Hope you sleep well.
I agree, it was a natural, empathetic thing to do. I hope you have someone to squeeze your hand when the pain gets too much. Warmest wishes.
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Barbara, so sorry for your huge loss. Your experience is very similar to mine as
My husband died of cardiac arrest
8 months ago. The way you feel is totally normal, I have pretty much experienced the feelings you have and the pain you are going through. Your world has been blown apart and is unrecognisable and you long for what you had, a wonderful loving husband. I have had so many meltdowns,
cried so many tears and not wanted to carry on as everything seems so pointless. Be kind to yourself and try to be strong,
not easy I know, Iām still battling away,
my future scares me and the thought of growing old on my own is unthinkable. How I wish I could turn back the clock and be with my dearest husband 
. Sending you love and strength and please remember you are not alone 
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Im so sorry for your loss. I too lost my husband just over 3 months ago and ive never felt pain like it. I tried to get help from my doctor and was told if im still not coping after 6 months to go back to be referred to mental health. Ive never gelt so lonely. I have 3 adult children who are here for me but i dont want to upset them. I still now go to tell him something. Its like a stab in the heart when you remember all over again isnt it. I woke up one morning and actually thought to myself pretend to be asleep and nige will feed the dogs. Then i remembered hes not here and another day starts with complete heartache. The things you wrote remind me of myself and has made me feel like im not alone with the way my mind works. Thankyou for that. Take care. Helen x
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It is the saddest loneliest time of my life. Since retiring 6 years ago we were together 24/7 and out and about almost every day. How I miss his company, his smile, laughter and company. We would have been married 49 years on 26 June and had so many plans for our future. He died suddenly and unexpected, no time to say goodbye and tell him one more time how much I loved him. I try so hard to be strong and not to bother my two adult sons who have been so supportive. I also try not to look too far into my future and take a week at a time, see friends and family although probably not enough as sometimes feel I want to be alone but find this is when I so feel his absence so much and the tears flow constantly. I hope anyone reading this can take comfort they are not alone there are so many people out there having to endure such pain and loneliness of losing their soulmate. 8 months have passed since my husband died and I still canāt always believe I will never see him again. Sending love and strength to all treading this lonely path of loss.
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Hi BarbraD,
So very sorry to hear about your sad loss. I lost my wife over a period of ten years following several strokes and vascular dementia. She died April 2024. We were married 63 years. I have tried everything reading about grief, attending grief support groups, religion but sorry to say have not found the complete answer anywhere. It is not all doom and gloom because amongst them there has been a little nugget of help and consolation. In particular Sue Ryder sends me regular txt messages with helpful suggestions and words of support. The Rowans Hospice group have also been very supportive. What else can I say except there are many of us out here who are suffering as well and send you all our love and support.
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Dearest Maisie7, how kind of you to respond to me. I am so very appreciative! I am so sorry and sad that you have been, and still going through. It is reassuring to know that the is "normal " for an anything but normal situation.
It was1 week yesterday since my wonderful husband suddenly died. I have such fear sometimes this explodes into panic and terror. How on earth can I carry on. I dont want to be without him. One of thr hardest things is thinking about all he did for me and realising how much he loved me. I took it for granted and didnāt even think about it. Now I realise that no one will ever love me like that or care for me like my Michael. I keep beating myself up for not showing him more love whilst I could. Guilt and regrets are torturing me. Every day seems endless and pointless. We used to chat endlessly, say the same thing at the same time. I, too, canāt look at the future. I donāt want a future without him. All the practical things that have to be done defeat and overwhelm. I donāt want to āplan a funeralā . I canāt drive and his car is on our driveway. It is a heartbreaking reminder of all the spontaneous runs out into the Countryside which we loved. He used to ferry me everywhere and pick me up again. I totally took it all for granted. I want to talk to him. It feels incomprehensible that I can never do that again.
Maisie, thank you again. I wish you less pain and the strength to continue battling. Sending love x
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Oh Nigellen i am so sorry that you have had no support from your doctor. That is so unkind and uncaring. This is totally unlike any other loss. When our parents die, for instance, we grieve but we still have our home life and our husbands for support. This involves every part of our lives and the blows of grief hit us afresh all the time. When we make a cuppa for one, food for one, wanting to read something out and not being able to, going to bed which seems vast because only you are in it, looking in the food cupboard and seeing all the biscuits and buns only he ate. The āforgetting " that heās not here and the stomach punch when you realise again. The list is endless and everything says " he is goneā and not just for a while but forever. That is impossible to grasp. How can the brain grasp that the man who, for me 52 years, is never going to be here again and is uncontactable. It is like your whole life has imploded. Sending you much love. Xxx
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Barbara, I totally identify with how you are feeling, itās really early days for you and my heart goes out to you. Try not to beat yourself up with guilt as Iām sure your husband knew how much you loved and appreciated him. It is a natural response Iām sure to have so many regrets, I know Iāve been there so many times. I was so very lucky to have loved and been loved by such a remarkable man. This of course makes my loss and Iām sure yours even harder to live with. I was quite dependent on my husband and he was me. He used to do most of the driving as he never liked being a passenger, Iām gradually building my confidence to do more driving. I get the anxious panicky feelings knowing I will never see him again. Many people have said be kind to myself which I do try to do. My whole world seems as though itās been torn to pieces and is such a lonely place at times. I have tried to explain to you how Iām feeling to reassure you what you are going through is totally normal. Life is so very cruel at times and can be difficult to cope. The thought of growing old on my own without my dear husband is such a daunting feeling and something I never thought about. I still have times when I canāt believe he has gone. How lucky was I to have shared 48 years with my soulmate and dearest friend. I have two wonderful grown up sons who have and are helping me cope. Their dad would be so very proud of how they are there for me. Although I try not to burden them with my sorrow. Again I wish you the strength to carry on and remember there are so many people like us having to face life without their partner. I wish you well and hope you find the strength to carry on as Iām sure your husband would want you to. Take great care
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Thank you so much Boyart23 for your response. It is unimaginably sad and painful to be without your lifelong partner.
We read about grief, we talk ( sometimes other when it feels impossible), we seek answers, we phone the Samaritans, etc. None of it works because we are desperately seeking a miracle to turn back time and have our beloved partners back where they should be and our normal everyday life. This does feel like someone plucked us up, dropped us in a strange land with no map. We have no idea of where we are, what to do. Sending warmest wishes to you.
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Thank you BarbaraD you sum it up well. One consolation for me was summed up by a nugget from CS Lewis. We want our loved one back again but if they were here they would be once again suffering pain and discomfort. I wouldnāt want to see that again. Thank you for your kind supportive words. From the religion point of view I go to church on a Sunday and draw comfort from lightning a candle in Jillās memory.
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Hello Brummy, what an horrendously painful day it is. I am dreadful pain constantly in my stomach. It is a constant feeling of dread. I cant seem to explain it.
You kindly asked whether I have support for the funeral. Yes, my son and daughter in law are going to collect the death certificate on Monday. We can then go to the undertakers. I am dreading it. I know my husband would hate spending a fortune, but if I try to keep the cost down it may make me look mean and uncaring. Sadly, my husband and I never discussed it other than cremation rather than burial and not spending a fortune. I fear losing my autonomy whilst also needing support. I know my son has lost his Dad so I feel I have to include hkm in decisions. My mind is in turmoil. I wish I didnt have to go. How could my Michael be here last week and now I have to plan his funeral. I apologise for sending this to you. I dont know how to do a fresh post. Take care. My very best wishes and thank you Brummy.
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Hello me again. I have been following your posts and it is very hard. My wifeās Funeral is on Monday and I am dreading it. All you can think is what your Husband would say to you. My Undertakers have been thoughtful donāt rush any decision if you change your mind on anything phone and change it. Ask to see some examples of order of service will help you. Some were over the top and we chose just plain white card no colour. Think of your favourite music or your Husbands and your favourite photos. All this will come up. It isnāt easy but with help you will put it together. Look after yourself x
Dear Sheppard, you must be dreading it. I am so, so sorry. I hope your wifeās funeral will go as well as posdible. I also hope you have good support around you. The truth is however kind and supportive people are, we just want our beloved wifes/husbands back. Thank you so much for responding to me, especially at a time when you are going througj so much pain. This forum is quite remarkable. So much pain and yet so much empathy for others. Warmest wishes x
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@BarbaraD
Hi Barbaraā¦Not an easy task ahead planning the funeral but your undertakers will be so helpful.
It really doesnāt matter how expensive or cheap the funeral is, people wonāt think anything about it. Thatās not something you should worry about at all
My John stipulated the cheapest coffin possible so thatās what we did and had family flowers only. The awful thing was that Johns son forgot to order for himself or just didnāt think of it. Luckily the undertakers rang me and sorted a beautiful display for him within the hourā¦
I had a single beautiful red rose for himā¦
Another awful thing his son has done in my mind anyway is that he hasnāt asked yet where his dads ashes are but heās already sold the houseā¦priorities are different to mineā¦
Anyway enough of thatā¦
You just keep coming on here like you have n we all try n help if we canā¦
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Hi Barbara,
Like people say the undertakes are understanding. I changed a song and a couple of photos no problem. They understand what we are going through. I know its hard everything is at the moment. Take care.
Mitzi, you are an incredible person! You are going through such pain, and you always take time to help me. I so appreciate it !
That must be hard and extra pain having to deal with Johnās son too. Itās sad but interesting that he can devote himself to selling the house! I am struggling because I want and need to talk about Michael, but my son doesnt want to. He has a lot going on and has to not allow it into his head because of the pain of losing his Dad so suddenly. I am walking on eggshells and trying not to cry infront of him. In other areas he is being very supportive and loving. I hope you are coping with the horrendous place we are in. Sending love to you and a massive thank you xxx
Thank you Nightwish. I am being such a coward and just dont feel I can cope with a funeral at all. You are all so kind and caring on this forum. Thank you
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You are not a coward, you are going through one of the hardest times of your life. Donāt be hard on yourself please. Take care.
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