I found my partner of 7 years dead on the sofa 4 weeks ago. I tried CPR whilst awaiting paramedics but postmortem scan showed he had died of a brain aneurysm. We are both just of state pension age and was planning our future together with our 3 little dogs. My son, neighbours and ex workmates have been fantastic though naturally support a lot less now but I can’t stop crying. Sadly his daughter and son took over everything as we were not married but had been engaged for 6 years. It’s a long sad story but due to grief they were giving me over wanting this, that and the other I became suicidal but fortunately got help. I was advised to block them in all ways. Apart from 2 flying visits to borrow tools by the son and no visits by the daughter in the 4 years we have lived in our home the only contact was by phone even though they live under 50 mile away. They even took over my partner’s cremation and never told me when it was. They had my son’s contact number. I feel like the last 7 years I shared with this wonderful kind caring man have been wiped out. I feel so very sad, worthless and lonely x
I’m so sorry that you had to go through all that and then not even be involved in the funeral. It is hard to comprehend how some people can be so cruel, especially as you obviously meant so much to each other. They’re pulling rank because they can. You aren’t worthless and dont let them make you feel that way.
You will cry every day, its natural. Yesterday was the first day I went without shedding a tear in the 2 months and 4 days since it happened. Today is another matter.
Keep busy, make plans, accept every invitation (even if you leave early) and only bother with people who make you feel OK. Anyone who upsets you must be ignored. We need to practice self preservation until we are strong again. And it will happen. X
Thank you so much for your lovely message. Just a reply from someone who knows what you are going through helps so much. I am trying to be strong because of my dogs as I know my partner would want this. I will take note of your kind advice and try my best to follow it. Thank you again and sorry for your loss x
I’m so sorry your in this situation it’s similar to mine and it’s horrible.Sadly you are in a worse position than me though.We had been together for 38 years never married.I found him dead in the garden last May it was very sudden I was asked to perform cpr but was unable to the paramedics arrived quickly and worked on him for 20 minutes to no avail.His son never contacted me before the funeral which I had to arrange on my own I didn’t even know if him and his family were attending,they live 2 miles from me and we only ever saw them twice a year for a couple of hours his dad been over 80 didn’t get out much.After the funeral he came to my house demanded to see the will and he actually photographed it on his phone in his words so he could study it .He was only left all the power tools in the Will because his father had given him money a few years ago and told he was giving it him while he was alive.Everything else was left to me so he rang the executors of the Will the solicitor to try contest the will he was told he hadn’t a leg to stand on which was obvious to me but absolutely disgusted me
Sorry for your loss
Another story of families using someones death to settle scores - just don’t understand people.
Was there no will?
Under law of intestacy, next of kin takes precedence over common law partner, but if you were financially dependant on your partner, you can contest the claim.
Stay strong
you most certainly are NOT worthless. you might be lonely but not worthless.
when people are mean to us, it makes us feel very reduced. but that is their problem.
cutting any contact is wise. if you can, seek counseling to stop yourself from berating yourself.
take your time to clean up your affairs with him and remain composed.
grief support groups can help you with your healing.
Thank you very much for your kind message. Sadly, there was no will. The first thing I am going to do once I feel well enough, his go and make a will even though I only have one son. I would not want him to go through the situation. I am going through now again. Once again, thank you very much for your kindness.
Thank you very much for taking the time to reply to my message. I am going to look at the counselling stage as I really think now I need help. I just hate the way some people kick other people when they’re feeling down. Thankfully, after this, I no longer have to see his family ever again.
Hi @JRT3
I’m so sorry for your loss. I found my partner passed away the same way as you did. It is very traumatic and I have been diagnosed with PTSD following this. I’m having therapy for my mental health. I hope you are not too traumatised. The first 4 weeks I was in a completely shocked state and now it’s been months since I lost my partner every day is still a struggle. I’m sorry you’re partners family have been so mean to you a. I’m lucky my partners daughter did not act like this to me and I arranged all the funeral myself. Take care xx
Hi thank you for your message I am so sorry for your sad loss and the way it has affected you. It truly is the worst thing ever to happen to a person - losing someone close be it whatever form of relative, friend or animal. I just wish I could control the crying but it’s so hard. Though from reading the sad experiences the lovely people on this site are going/have been through then I feel there’s a lot more crying to come. It’s the loneliness in the evenings and at weekends that get to me. Even with 3 hyper dogs. Truly thank you for contact and take care xx
Sorry for your loss and get where your coming from I had the same with my fiancé I didn’t live with him but was the last person to see him and speak to him few hours before he passed I was at my home and he died alone my poor angel he lived for the music as he was a DJ I wasn’t allowed to say goodbye his parents who I’ve never met or had anything to do with him for 10 years took over with his ex wife and daughter I feel the last 3 years was took from me aswell I feel robbed he was everything I ever wanted and now he’s gone I’ll never forgive them for not allowing me to say goodbye
This is awful. You gave your partner such happiness as did I and then it seems we were both cast aside without a thought for our thoughts. My heart really goes out to you. Family who stay away need to really start thinking about the person who has been loving, caring for and enjoying a happy life with their relative. I really despise these selfish people. My heart goes out to you. Take care pleasex
Thank you same as you always here to chat only been 8 months seems like yesterday
My heart goes out to all of you experiencing such horrible experiences, it’s tearing me apart losing my wife , has really broken me as a man , and that’s with all the family being supportive & wanting to help , I can’t imagine what you are going through trying to deal with losing your loved one and having to deal with nasty family members only looking out for themselves.
He had a will and I was taken care of very well.Also his work pension was awarded to me as his dependent even though we were never married.
Thank you Dino so sorry for your sad loss. Worst thing ever. My heart goes out to you.
I wasn’t allowed nothing
A will is so, so important and keep it up to date. My dearest friend who was more like a sister had a sibling who decended on the house which i own and rented to my friend.it felt like being burgled. I tried so hard to make it all ok for them and did all the work of clearing the house etc. We were both executors. When i had done all the work they decided they wanted more from the estate so 18 months later it still isnt sorted. Its affecting my life on so many levels. How can people who , although related, were in the background of someones life. Be so awful go against the deceased persons loves and wishes? I can only think it must be jealousy
@JRT3 i am so sorry. 7 years is a long time to be with someone and I’m sure you meant the world to him. It is really sad that his children are being so unkind and I’m sure it’s not what he would have wanted. I lost my husband suddenly at a similar time to you so I understand the awful pain you feel. It is a horrible shock that leaves you consumed with sadness. I am glad your family, friends and son are there for you and hope that you can also take some comfort from all of us on here xx
Thank you so much for your kindness. Beautiful caring message xx