Since my husband died suddenly just over 3 weeks ago I am so tired and exhausted at nights and I do manage to get some sleep. I totally dread the going to sleep though as I know that awful sinking sad feeling is there to face me every morning again and it’s just the most painful feeling ever, I hate it as I’m sure everyone on this forum does.
Jools, you are right it’s something we all go through but I can say it does get easier with time. I still find some morning not wanting to face the day and I also find some evening bad, not wanting to go to bed. This grieving thing is hard and sometimes it feels unrelenting but honestly it does improve with time. Those early weeks can seem like an never ending nightmare. Three weeks is very early so just hang in there and I know others will support you on here. My blessings go to you.S
I do understand Jools1, my husband died over 9 months ago, I found him on our bedroom floor. I have started reaching out to see if he is still there. I did this in the first months but stopped, I have started again. We had been married for 59 years. Waking up in the mornings is a nightmare.
Take care and I am so sorry that you are going through this, grief is tiring and exhausting. Susie123 is so right.
Thank you Susie
It is still very early days as you say. It does help to know that others know exactly how this feels xx
I’m sorry for your loss. You and your husband were together for many happy years I’m sure. My husband and I had 15 wonderful years together and as a family. Trying to hold onto all the lovely memories but it’s hard isn’t it.
It’s the most awful feeling in the morning thinking I have to drag myself through another day. Xx
Hi Jools. I know what you mean. I still get that knot in my stomach when I wake, it’s like a feeling of dread. I don’t get it every morning now and it only lasts for a second but I hate it. It was CS Lewis who said,
“No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear.”
It really does. Xx
Hi Jools, I sit up until 4am as I don’t want to go to sleep as I waken in the morning and think everything is fine for a split second before “wham” reality hits me and I feel like I’ve lost him all over again.
Hello Mary - I think of you often. You reach out to people with such gentle compassion and kindness. Your story is so moving and touched me very deeply. I came on here tonight, sad & feeling lost, read a few posts and felt better. Then I saw your post and just wanted to say hello . Mornings are a terrible time, and this grief is a heavy burden, but we just keep going day to day, minute to minute. I hope you have had some moments of brightness during this Covid lockdown and been able to find some moments of peace. My thoughts are with you - Heather
This is very recent for you . Some things will get better but best advice is get through one day or even one hour at a time . Later you can set challenges but now take care of yourself
Thank you for everyone’s reply’s . Just woken up with the overwhelming empty sadness that feeling like a brick has landed in your stomach. I realise it’s such early days and definitely only taking a day at a time. As I said before I cannot believe the way I feel so exhausted, grief really takes it out on your body mentally & physically leaving you feeling you have nothing left xx
I understand all you say only too well. For me the exhaustion of grief is uniquely awful. Sleep is no longer restorative. I crave the oblivion it brings for a couple of hours at a time but dread that moment of wakening. It’s like reliving that awful moment when I heard the words ‘your husband has died’. I couldn’t take it in and every day is a continuation of that denial.
Learning to live our new life starts each time we wake up and it’s indescribably daunting.
This forum will help you through these early days of shock and grief and that morning dread. It’s a starting point for so many of us trying to face each day. A lifeline in fact.
Keep posting and someone will guide you through.
Take care x
Hi. All. Would it come as a surprise for me to say that the problem in the mornings is partly down to a normal physiological process? In the mornings our metabolic rate is low, and often in the evenings also. That’s the rate our body uses energy. So called ‘normal’ people have this, we all do. Some can awake like a lark, others find mornings difficult even though they have no problems.
But the low sad feeling is accentuated by our grief. Of course it is. Any new problem that arises is also made to appear larger than it may be. Our emotions are raw, like an open wound. It will heal but the scar of remembrance will always be there.
I find that if I get into a routine and take it slowly mornings can level off a bit. Now a bit can be a lot in grief, and all the ‘bits’ can add up to big bit! It still comes down to the old enemy, Time.
‘Overwhelming empty sadness’. Yes Jooles, that about sums it up.
Acceptance is still the answer. We need to let the feelings come without feeling sad about feeling sad, if you see what I mean!
As the day wears on it often happens we may chirp up just a little. Hang onto those moments because they are the seeds of the slow recovery process that is grief. Blessings. John.
Hi @Susan71, I noticed this was your first post, and I just wanted to say that I’m very sorry to hear about the loss of your husband. Whenever you feel ready, you may wish to start a new conversation yourself to share a bit more about your story - you should then get some supportive replies. There is no rush, though, take as much time as you need.
Thank you for your beautiful message, I am really touched by what you have said.
This Covid lockdown does not make much difference to me, other than I miss seeing my family, I am allergic to daylight and the sun, due to an inherited blood disorder.
Take care and be safe.
Thank you, John for your re-assuring post, it is much appreciated.
I lost my husband 6 weeks ago and nights are hard I still wake and turn over expecting him to be there You must be strong it will get easier Good days bad days but he will be watching over you so stay strong Dont hesitate to get in touch if you need to talk
I am sorry for your loss. Thank you it’s 4 weeks today since Mark passed away. Today I am only taking 1 hour at a time never mind a day as I had been. I cannot even contemplate my future as a single woman now in my mind I will always be Mark’s wife.
I am lucky to have 2 beautiful daughters who live at home with me. Xx
My husband Glyn died 6 weeks ago. From Cancer. We’d been together 47 years married nearly 45. It still doesn’t feel real . Feeling so empty, he was 64
Good evening Susan
Sorry for your loss. Hopefully talking on here will
help you, it’s helping me as I feel no one else understands the pain we are going through xx
No your right there. No one seems to understand x