Here we are again, another dreaded weekend without the one we love! How I hate them . I hope that you are all as well as you can be . Sending love and hugs and a reminder you are not alone. Take care everyone. Kay. Xxx
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How I completely share your feelings Kay, and for some reason each weekend seems worse. My husband died on 28th July and the first week I must have been on autopilot because I managed to do all the paperwork etc. Now a few weeks on I am getting worse, I cry more, I turn down invites even from my family because nothing seems to matter. Does there come a point when instead of getting more and more despondent things may ease. Thinking about all of us alone no xx
hi
Yes weekends are horrible im in work on nightshift so sad that i would rather be in work than home alone on saturday night.
Depressing
William
Hi I’m still waiting for things to get a little easier. My partner Ian died almost 11 weeks ago and to be honest it’s worse! I foolishly thought that once we’d had his funeral which was delayed as he died in Italy it would be easier. It’s not! I don’t know if it’s that actually acceptance that he’s gone or what but it’s definitely worse. Going back to work has given me structure and a distraction but I ache for him and evenings and weekends are horrible. I’ve been really upset as all his financial accounts and his Facebook have been closed, it’s like he never existed! Of course I know he did but it’s all so final. I hate this life, I do try to keep busy anything not to be alone. I never minded being alone before when I knew he was coming home now I can’t bear it. Take care and a big hug. Kay. Xx
Hi William I know what you mean and understand completely. I’m not going to ask how you are because I know the answer so I will say have a good shift and take care. Big hugs. Kay. X
My wife retired four years ago when she was diagnosed with a Glioblastome and I had retired in my early fifties. This meant we got to spend a lot of time together as she had worked part time. I miss her every day, weekend or weekday, but I have more chance seeing my kids and grandkids on a weekend due to their work commitments and schooldays. This means that I don’t have to work as hard on a weekend on distraction tactics. It will be 5 weeks tomorrow since my wife died and I’m not sure my kids will be able to continue to look out for me, or whether they will want to. I’m not sure what the answer is but I read this forum fervently in the hope that someone has tried something that works for a while… a bit like a magic bullet. I identify with the idea that things seem to get harder rather than easier once the initial shock wears off. In effect I have had 4 years to prepare for this and it seems to count for nothing. I’ve never faced real difficulty and despondency before.
Yes Kay, I was always someone who was happy in their own company now I can’t bear it. Perhaps because it is now a permanent state of affairs ,.x
Awful isn’t it how we’ve become this different person. I was a strong independent woman before loosing Ian now I hate the person I’ve become. It’s so unfair not only have I lost him I’ve lost myself. I’m 54 and the thought of staying like this is horrible. Although I know exactly what he would want me to do, I can’t, I’m trying believe me but it’s so hard. I pray for the day this becomes a little easier. Take care. Kay. Xx
Hi Yorkshirelad I wish I had an answer. The only thing I have come up with is trying to keep busy, meeting up with people and spending time with my sons and grandchildren. As I said I have gone back to work not in my proper job ( I’m an intensive care nurse) but office based for a while. Ian died in intensive care in Italy and I cannot face sick patients and their families in the situation I was in 11 weeks ago. So I’m doing office work but it gets me out. I hate the fact I now actively have to fill my time! I’m sure your family will be there for you but I know what you mean. I worry about putting on my boys although they seem ok at the moment. 5 weeks is early days even if you had 4 years to prepare. I guess nothing prepares us for loosing the person we love and as we are all finding out unless you have experienced this you really have no idea what it’s like. Take care. Kay. X
Hi everyone
I know what you all mean about distraction. The more we can keep.occupied the better
But we still have to get into that empty bed and long for that cuddle and a chat before we go to sleep. Facing this just gets more difficult. Maynbe the more time that passes the more obvious it is that they’re not coming back. It’s 8 weeks since my husband died and I can be doing something and it will hit me with a force that this is it, its just me now. Facing the first winter without him to keep me warm.
Take care,
Sandy
Hi Sandy I hate getting into bed at night and him not being there. He always kept me warm and every night he told me he loved me. I miss him so much it physically hurts so I completely understand what you’re saying. What I wouldn’t give to roll over and cuddle him or just to wake up to him. I’m crying just writing this now . This has left me truly heartbroken as I’m sure you are. A massive virtual hug to you all. Kay. Xx
Wow Sheila I really don’t know what to say. Thank you for sharing the brutally honest truth of what is to come. Not a lot to look forward to really! However I’m sure that what you have written is good advice and reinforces the fact that there is no right or wrong, we are all different and should do what ever we need to do. Also we are not alone, this forum is helpful and comforting. Take care Sheila. Kay. Xx
Hi Sheila,
That is a brutally honest post, but we all know it’s the truth. It’s the price we have to pay for having been so lucky in finding our true soulmates. All those years of happiness and contentment we had, are bound to cause unbearable pain when that is taken away from us. It doesn’t make things any easier though. Like you say we have to carry on. Im trying my best but I still aslk him to come and get me every day. I know he will when it’s time.
Take care,
Sandy
I just saw your name and it’s what my husband used to call me. My name is Vicki not Victoria but he always called me Toria and I wish i could hear him call me it again.You are right you do go on auto pilot to start with then reality hits home and it bloody hurts. My husband died in April 2018 and I avoided going places at first but I am venturing out a bit more now. Big hug x
Hi Everyone, yes I used to look forward to weekends now I do not, I wish could work weekends as well as week days. I hate going home after work so I pop into pub for a couple of drinks, now this is a regular thing and then drink at home for rest of the evening whilst watching the tv. I know this is not good for me but cannot stop and Dell my late husband would be ever so cross with me. People say that time is a great healer, I do not think it is as each day passes I feel worse. Each morning I wake up and sigh that I am still here. Take care everyone and know you are not alone xx
I think you do what you have to do. It may not be good for you but I take anything that helps at the moment. As we all know there is no right or wrong. Another weekend is approaching and as usual I’m dreading it. Roll on Monday! Take care. Big hugs. Kay. X
Hello YorkshireLad 1950
I lost my husband in February after a 4 year fight with bowel cancer. I cared for him at home until a week before he died. We have no kids, but had lots of support from Macmillan and our local hospice, including counselling. I thought I was pretty well prepared for his death, and there was certainly enough to keep me occupied early doors. You do find that after a few months, friends and family move back into their own lives, and you have to start looking forward for yourself. I have started to build myself a new life through my interests. So, I have joined a book club, taken up Tai Chi, and go to the gym twice a week. I make sure that I go out somewhere every day, just for a change of scenery and to talk to people. It has, and continues to be, very hard, living life in a society where everyone seems to be either a couple or a family, and it will be a little while yet before things start to get easier - I particularly hate Sunday’s. Also, it is my 60th birthday on Monday, another difficult time. But although I often find myself lonely, despondent and tearful, I have never, ever, lost a tiny spark inside that is telling me everything will be ok. I believe everyone has it, but you have to seek it out, and I truly hope that you too will be able to do so xx
Hello Kay,
I completely agree with you. I lost my husband in February, and although I find I can occupy myself on Saturdays, I absolutely hate Sunday - everyone seems to be a couple or a family, and it makes me feel so alone. Sending you a big hug to help you get through it. Jayne xxx
You sound very together and you give me hope this will get a little easier. I have brief moments when I think I can do this, live the life that Ian would want me to but they don’t last long. Sunday’s are definitely the worst day, although I have children and small grandchildren I’m very conscious that it’s their family time as my son’s work all week. I’m a nurse but at the moment not able to work clinically as Ian died in intensive care in Italy and I’m finding it all very distressing therefore I’m working week days only as I’m office based. This is so not my life , normally and I can’t stand it. Take care and big hugs. Kay. Xx
Hi Kay,
I too was a strong, independent, resilient woman. Now I feel as if everything has been taken away from me. I’ve learned that we grieve for both our loved ones and our lost, beloved way of life. They say that everyone’s journey is different, and that grief has to run its course. Well, I wish mine would come to an end. I seem to alternate between feeling a bit brighter and optimistic to utter depression. But in the midst of the lows, I never seem to lose sight of the fact that all things pass. It is a great comfort to me. Sending you a big hug, Jayne xx