My heart goes out to you ,you will be in my thoughts tomorrow
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Hi Sam, sorry for your loss. I read your post and felt as though you were writing my thoughts exactly.
I lost my husband to cancer 6 months ago, we had been together 11 years but only married in September last year. I have so much anger, sadness and frustration. my friends and family have been very supportive but only someone going through this can ever truly appreciate how we feel daily.
I honestly feel as though my life has stopped, I’m no longer living but going through the motions to get through each day. I have become a totally different person and don’t like it.
I know Ed would hate for me to be wasting my life, he would want me to get over this and build a new life without him but I don’t even know where to begin.
Donna
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Hello Donna,
Thankyou for your heartfelt response, me like you, am just going through the motions of daily life, I asked recently if there was a group I could join where I’d be able to talk to others who feel the way I do, it’s a daily struggle for me, 2months later, I’m back at work, today was a particularly bad day, I felt tearful all day, the pain of losing my partner sarah is getting more unbearable I wonder if I can hold it together much longer, I’d really like to talk to someone like yourself maybe it would help somehow, I’m lost without sarah, I understand your pain Donna, I cannot imagine what your going through having spent all those years with ed, I can tell you this, sarah and I did have such a conversation before she passed, she told me that she’d expect me to live my life and to love again, the emotion going through my veins won’t allow me right now, it’s hard to explain, feelings of guilt run through me feelings of " Like, I don’t care" run against my very being, I yearn for her everyday, the feeling of dispair and the fact there’s nothing I can do to change any of this run through my thoughts daily… ed would want you to move on, be happy, live your life, ( all these thoughts are with me too! How does one come to terms with such suggestions? Please do feel free to reply, tell me and others your thoughts, I’m finding all this a constant battle, I just feel I’m losing ground everyday x Sam ( 48 )
Donna I know exactly how you feel and you could have written your message for me. I never thought that at 55 I would be in this situation of being on my own, my wife June passed away on 28th August after an 11 month battle with cancer. We were married for 33 years and we had all the plans in place for a happy retirement. I had 8 weeks of absolutely emotional hell and then I seemed to turn a corner and had 4 weeks of almost coping but the last 4 weeks have been as bad as the first 8, but in all that time I like you Donna have been going through each day to survive rather than live and my life is too on hold and have no direction of what to do. My 2 grown up daughters and their husbands have been great and come home at weekends when they can to see their Dad and friends too have been supportive but they are now moving on and the messages and texts have stopped and only get them on a weekly or fortnightly basis now. June would be the same as your Ed and tell me to get on with my life but how can we Donna without our soulmates who we had so many memories and plans for future with.
I’m so sorry for your loss and no exactly what you are going through.
I’m here for a chat if you wish as others are on this site and it certainly has helped me, take care. Dave
Sam, I am so sorry you are having a particularly bad day. Going back to work must have been incredibly hard, it’s like moving on as normal when nothing is normal anymore. I also went onto this forum to see if there were any group counselling sessions where I could meet/talk with people going through the same difficult time as they are the only ones who truly know how it feels. I haven’t found one yet.
I had hoped that 6 months on I would start to be turning a corner but it is just as bad as in the beginning. I wish I could say something to take some of the pain away but there is nothing that makes sense. Do you have family/close friends who are supporting you? Everything I do or see reminds me of Ed and times we have shared or memories. Everyone tells me to find a new hobby or a new job - that is the last thing I can think of doing right now, but they mean well and just don’t know how else to help I guess. Please try to stay strong, as you say Sarah would hate to know of your suffering. There has to be a way forward, we cannot just exist like this. People do move forward but sadly it is not a good time of year with Christmas around the corner x
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Thank you for your reply Dave. Ed and I had reached a point in our lives where we had worked hard to get where we were. All our dreams were becoming a reality - that was until cancer came along and destroyed everything. I feel angry that we couldn’t stop it and do not know what I’m supposed to do anymore. We had just sold the house and moved into temporary accommodation until we found our next dream house so I also had to find another house and try to make it a home. This has been an impossible task as I couldn’t imagine living anywhere without him and starting all over again. My family and friends are still being supportive I’m pleased to say but I try so hard not to fall apart around them all the time as I don’t want to be a burden. I also have 2 grown up daughters but the youngest was diagnosed with Hodgkins Lymphoma just as Ed passed away. I know I’m a strong person but I don’t feel I could handle anymore heartache.
Hello Dave
Thank you for your kind advice. I may go to my friend’s home and I appreciate your suggestion not to be alone on Christmas Day.
I was at Church this evening as it was a special service called “Blue Christmas” at my church, it was about not being sad but to celebrate our loved ones’ life. We were all invited to go up to the altar and light a candle in memory of our loved ones who are not here to share this Christmas. I had already lit a candle for my David so I prayed and lit a candle for your wife June, Suzie and Mels’ loved ones. It feels good to help others.
I do hope you have some peace Dave, its very hard to accept the loss of our loved ones although I am a little lighter, maybe the Carol Service and the service this evening helped. I know it will hit me when I least expect it.
Take care and all my very best wishes,
Jan
You and Ed and June and myself we both had worked hard and were in a position to plan for the future but that’s been taken away from us with that horrible big C. That must be so difficult with all your going through as well as moving into temporary accommodation in hope to set up a new place that you wanted to enjoy with Ed, my heart goes out to you but be strong.
We had plans of buying a new place in a village in about 5/6 years and do it up ready for retirement, that won’t happen now I just hope I can cope with the house we have as I get older as wouldn’t want to leave June and my house.
Donna I’m so sorry for your youngest daughter diagnosis but my heart and prayers and thoughts are with her and you for a healthy and positive outcome.
Dave
Jan that sounds such a lovely service at your church and bless you for lighting a candle for June. It is very hard to lose a loved one and never in a million did I think life would take such a turn for me, I used to love life especially with June but it seems now as life is over and just difficult to plan for future and I’m just surviving every day to get myself by. It’s strange but the last 4 weeks have been even more difficult than the first 8 weeks after June passed away.
Take care Jan. Dave
Dave you said that the last 4 weeks have been more difficult for you than the first 8 weeks that June passed away. It has been the same for me. My Dad, my only close relative, died on October 15th. These last 4 weeks I have found much harder. I think it due to becoming more aware of the reality of everything for me combined with Christmas which makes grief to bear so much harder. Take care and remember happier times, Julie
Hello Julie, I am feeling exactly like you and the closer to Christmas it appears worse.
Last night, I went to a special Church meeting for people like us who have lost a loved one this year. I was invited to light a candle in their memory. As I had lit one for my son, David on Sunday, I decided it would be nice to light one for your Dad, Dave’s wife June, Suzie and Mel so they can rest in peace. It gave me a little hope and not to think its only me who is going through this nightmare.
Take care
Jan
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Hi Jan
Have just seen this and am so touched, thank you. I couldn’t face our local church and carol service last Sunday and have felt bad about it ever since. Knowing that Mum has had someone think about her and light a shared candle for her is so lovely and I thank you from the bottom of my heart for such kindness.
I am currently in bed with a cold/flu so you have made my day
Mel
Xx
Dear Jan,
What an unbelievably kind thing to do. Like Mel I am so touched, thank you for thinking and helping us. I came in from work today (my last day of term) feeling both tired and emotional so it has really cheered me this evening. love Julie
Hi I know how you feel . But words of wisdom is to appreciate all the good times with you Dad and do something special each Christmas that’s a lot too you and him . Merry Christmas
Hello to everyone on this conversation.
I just wanted to let you know that I’ve written a post rounding up different bereavement support services and when they are open over Christmas and New Year. If you need to talk to someone over the festive period, check it out here: https://support.sueryder.org/community/general-chat/guide-finding-support-over-christmas
(Of course, this online community will still be available 24/7 as normal.)
Having taken up A couple of invitations today for brunch and afternoon mince pies I found it more difficult than ever to come back home to an empty house . This time last year we still at hope. Now my soulmate has gone. Just over two months ago too early age of 41. I so want the light of spring
Hi I know what your going through I lost my son and only child 4 weeks ago it was a complete shock I didn’t know it was gonna happen he got deep vein thrombosis after an operation I’m still in shock
Hi I know what your going through I lost my son and only child 4 weeks ago it was a complete shock I didn’t know it was gonna happen he got deep vein thrombosis after an operation I’m still in shock
A few more hours then it is over with for another year…for me Christmas was just like a normal sunday. I had a bouquet of flowers and an photo of my mother in her younger healthier days and lit a candle for her. Now we have the New Year celebrations to get through. I will be in bed by 10PM with Radio 3 on That’ll help me get through the night. I wish for every single one of you out there that 2017 is going to be gentler on us. I am looking forward to the spring…but I am afraid that the emptiness and the feeling of loss will still be as painful as ever…I am not that sociable in many respects, seemed to be on my own…not a self pitying display here…just a realistic appraisal of myself. so I have to be realistic and try and do something positive for myself rather than feeling like this all the time…I just hope that day by day it will get a bit easier for me…and for all of you to!
Take care
David
in spite of myself I found myself chuckling away at a wonderfully daft comedy called Zoolander…lifted my spirits a bit.
Hello all, I’m Sam just wanted to share my 1st Christmas experience without my fiancé sarah with you all, I went along with my family’s suggestion that I should spend Christmas with them at my brothers home, albeit the last 5 years I’ve spent with Sarah at her mum and dads, the day started off normal enough until i proposed a toast at the dinner table whilst having Christmas dinner, I raised my glass said, to all my family friends and people that are no longer with us, a flood of tears thereafter, i just couldn’t control myself, I felt bad, my heart in pieces, I miss Sarah so very much, she was my world, after composing myself in front of family members, I thought about why I felt like I do, I’m drawn to the conclusion that, I just want to know Sarah is at peace and with her family who she loved so much, I need to know she’s ok, not suffering, she was so very soft and sensitive, which was another reason I loved her so much, the pain gets so unbearable sometimes, two and a half months and it’s still so raw in my heart and mind, I just don’t know if I’m ever going to be able to move on with my life, nothing has meaning for me anymore, I just feel alone, even though I’m surrounded by family/friends that love me, nothing seems to help, I’m currently having counselling but even that doesn’t seem to touch me or help me to move on… I feel desperate sometimes that I’m missing Sarah so much I can not sit still, my family have been wonderful with their support but I just don’t know where to go or do to ease the pain I feel … I hate the person I’ve become, when Sarah was with me, life was great, so many plans so many things to look forward to, that’s been taken from me now, I just feel so empty… anyone else feel like me?? Sam x