How do we cope with waking up on Christmas morning without the love of our lives there? I’m dreading it already. My son and his family have asked me to their house for dinner etc, I’m wondering how I’m going to hold it together for the grandchildren’s sake? What do you all think? I’m dreading the unknown and anticipating the pain. I feel physically sick thinking about what is to come without my beloved Richard. I love and miss him so much. 
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I lost my husband suddenly and unexpectedly at Christmas at the age of 53 so going to be extra hard this Christmas. My son and me have decided not to celebrate Christmas this year. Just going to treat it like a normal day.
I’m not sure if having grandchildren will ease the pain or be a distraction. I wouldn’t put any pressure on yourself and maybe see how you feel on the day. Maybe you could go just for lunch or tea. Feel what makes you comfortable. Your family will understand. Maybe you could light a candle and toast a drink for your husband.
Take care xx
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Hi @Kittycat
I know exactly how you are feeling I lost my husband 5 months ago suddenly and unexpectedly at 63.
I have had to spend what was our 36 wedding anniversary and my 66 birthday on my own and that was hard lots of upset and tears.
I am not looking forward to spending Christmas on my own knowing only last year we spent it together in Australia.
No two days are the same anymore but i have survived existed up till now
I cant plan ahead now but in Christmas Day i will light a candle and remember last years celebrations in Australia.
Whatever you do on the day do whats best for you to get through.
Look after yourself take care
Lynne
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I have decided to spend the day alone, as I can’t keep the fake smile on all day. Each of my children has invited me to stay over ( they live in different parts of the uk)but I dont want to spoil the day for them and my grandchildren. Maybe nearer the day I may feel differently.
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Xmas has always been something special for my wife and I,the fun on Xmas eve when she insisted on squeezing her presents to try guess what they were,(I ended up wrapping everything in boxes last year,) and laughing at her begging me to let her open a couple.
Xmas morning was always bucks fizz while sitting around in our dressing gowns and a few more presents opened,smoked salmon/scrambled egg for breakfast then out walking. Queens speech then shower and dress for dinner and the rest of her presents to be opened.
You and your husband would have had your own routine,happy and laughing,few drinks and too much food.
I’ve struggled with what to do at Xmas but I just know I can’t stay home,it will kill me,the daily pain is already too much and I can’t take anymore on top so I’m going to run away. I have rented a seafront house on the edge of Eastbourne so I’m going to hide there for ten days. ( bit of a joke really as I live on the seafront here in Rhos on Sea,all the views and peace and quiet that I want,)
It seems we are all struggling with the same problem and will come up with different ways to cope. It isn’t going to be easy unless we can all arrange to be in the same hotel somewhere away from those who don’t understand . I wish all my friends and family a nice Xmas but I’m not going to be part of it.
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Hi @Punto
I think the 1st Christmas without our loved ones will be hard. But Christmas 
is just another day like all the others we have survived. To me there are more special days our anniversary his birthday my birthday these i now spend alone 
I hope whatever you decide it is what you want. For me i want to be on my own at Christmas last year i spent it with him in Australia. So i will light a candle for him and remember the good times we spent last year on holiday.
Take care
Lynne x
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Hi galaxy 75, my husband was 61 when he died and like you it would have been our 34th wedding anniversary yesterday. This is such a difficult time for us all on this site but we do understand each other’s feelings. Sometimes it’s good to be alone with your thoughts. I’ll raise a glass or say a prayer for my husband. We will always love them. Xxx
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Hazel 1966, that sounds like a good idea and a sensible way to look at the day. Wishing you all the best to both of you x
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@Kittycat your post resonates with me. I am full of dread regarding Xmas already. This year will be the first year ever I have woke up on Xmas day alone and it brings tears to my eyes now just thinking about it. Christmas was always a big event for us but this year I’m definitely having a more low key event. I will spend Christmas day & boxing day with my daughter and family and I am glad of that. I have 4 grandchildren and they bring me so much joy. I hope you find peace in whatever way you choose to spend it. Take care.
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Hi jan17, rightly or wrongly, I’m pleased to hear you feel the same way about Christmas.
My husband always said Christmas was overrated- and every year at the end of Christmas dinner used to say ‘it’s as far away as ever now’ and everyone would chuckle. I think I’m going to carry on his tradition! He will be smiling down on us I’m sure. All he every wanted for Christmas was for everyone to be happy. Little did he realise, he was the main reason for my happiness along with that of the rest of his family. I just loved to fuss over him. Xxxxx hope your Christmas is gentle on you and your family x
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Hi all, I am feeling the same. I have children so not doing anything isn’t an option and my partner asked me to see his parents on the day which of course I would have. The only way I can see to cope is to change all our norms so we are taking his parents out for dinner and trying to create a new norm for us all. All I want to do is hide from the world, how can he not be here for only his 42nd Christmas it is so unfair I keep seeing things I would get him and then it hits me. I lost my dad the around the same time as my partner 5 years earlier and being so close to Christmas is so hard. I hope whatever you all do for it, that you can remember the Christmas of pasts and smile a little x
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I am dreading Christmas this year, it will be the first without my darling Stephen and it’s so so raw still given he died early October this year. Not sure what I am going to do quite yet. Thinking of you all, and especially those where this year will be their first Xmas without the loved ones xx
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I lost my partner/husband almost 4 years ago and Christmas now means nothing to me, in fact i loath it, and although i have been asked out on Christmas day i intend to stay home and treat it like an ordinary weekend, I really cant pretend enthusiasm when its not there, my one saving grace is i have 2 little dogs, and they are my raison d’etre, for they understand so much and are a great comfort to me.
Its very different being alone and aloneness and until similar happens to other people we knew, they dont understand.
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Hi
I understand completely how you are feeling.
It will be my 1st Christmas without my husband Kevin who i married in 1987.
So far i have got through our 36 wedding anniversary in August my birthday in October. Christmas day is just another day i will get through it same as i do any other day now. I will light a candle on Christmas day and remember our previous ones we spent together 
I feel there are more important days ie anniversaries birthdays and they day we met.
I hope whatever people do at Christmas they do what is right for them
Take care
Lynne
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It does ! Good advice @Hazel.1966 i hope that helps @Kittycat … you got some options there ! But dont overwhelm yourself, whatever you do. Take it at your pace and not anybody else’s xx
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I think it’s fine to do whatever feels right over Christmas.
Of course it will never be the same again without our loved ones.
This will be my 3rd Christmas without my husband ( he died on 21st December 2021) and will inevitably be on my own for some of the time. To wake up alone any day of the year is awful, and Christmas day is now just another day for me. I dont really want to even think about it or write cards or buy presents. Its just a sad time especially as the anniversary of his passing is so near Christmas.
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Hi @AnneC
I am taking Christmas Day as just another day to get through like all the others we have to in the year. There are other days more special the day we met the day we married birthday’s and the day we were parted from each other.
I cant plan too far ahead anymore living for the day who knows whats ahead now.
Take care
Look after yourself
Lynne x
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Same … my husband passed 16th december 2022 … its gonna be a sad time i know that … xx
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@Kittycat That’s exactly what I’m dreading - waking up Christmas morning without my beautiful wife at my side. Just me and my furry companion for breakfast !
I will be at my daughter’s house for the day to see the grandchildren. My grandson (7) and his sister (18 months) just keep me going!
Christmas night home alone with the furry fella will be a challenge too but it doesn’t matter if I lose my sh1t for a while as the furry fella will cuddle up - pets don’t ask stupid questions or give stupid advice either
As her 4 year battle with MSA wrought havoc on my poor poor baby I felt I was permanently running on empty both physically and emotionally but my daughters and grandchildren and sister were what kept me going. What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger they say
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Dreading Christmas day as its my first one without my gorgeous beautiful wife sue. Just me and my daughter aderlaide and Teddy n George our two babies. My stepson dave will probably be over in the morning to see us both .i will be glad when its over
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