Just wanted to add,because I believe in spirit,I also try my best to live a spiritual life too, I felt that I am grateful to be given signs and I feel I should give something back.I have found the spiritual way of living is keeping me more focused and aware of life around me in the moment
So I have lost interest in materialistic life,and it is quite liberating,I now only buy what I need,if something needs replacing,I buy food that I need but seem to be more aware of waste,also I buy books,canvas and paints ,things that give me comfort and knowledge.I also try to understand people more,I’m far from perfect,but I realise I had to change some aspects of my life.Also the spiritual way is light truth and nature and I’m finding it all helps with my grief.Sorry for rambling,I’m certainly not trying to convert anyone,it’s just my personal thoughts on it all xx
I’m a bit concerned that I’ve developed a spending problem. Its nearly all related to my hobbies and interests and is very indulgent. I’m too embarrassed to mention it to my kids although it’s impossible to hide some of it. My wife was very much against conspicuous consumption and so we put money away for our future. I seem to think I can buy pleasure but, of course, any pleasure is very shortlived. My wife would have been completely amazed in some things I bought as I just left household things to her. I couldn’t even tell her what colour the curtains are in any room. I didn’t realise that grief could be so transformative. Maybe she just was able to control my selfish urges.
Hate to say it I’m the same, bought crap, it’s a comfort thing I think. I feel guilty about spending money as it was her money. But look on the other side better to spend it than give it to the government x
I do get continuing comfort from some of it but I didn’t need it as such. I bought a Harris Tweed chair and I wasn’t exactly short of chairs, more paintings by favourite artists and more planned, books to gather dust, and more I won’t mention. I don’t buy on impulse which is something I suppose… Well not always. One thing I wonder about is I spend lots on treating kids and grandkids and I know my wife wouldn’t object to that but I wonder if I’m just buying their continuing interest.
As I’ve just gone 69 I justify things to myself by thinking I may not have much longer to spend it. There’s no pockets in shrouds or as my brother in law said… He doesn’t want to be the richest man in the graveyard.
I suppose I look on everything I have as being my wife’s as well but I’ve distinguished between monthly income going forward and savings which might be fair enough.
Your a good man, I haven’t made that distinction I’m just spending in the hope il be gone soon enough.
I wouldn’t feel too concerned as your hobbies and interests obviously promote your wellbeing,they are a good ,sensible spend.I buy my books as i know they contribute to my learning,and my canvas and paints etc provide a therapy.Personally i realised i didn’t need more stuff,i don’t like shopping anyway,the things i need are usually bought online.I can only wear so many clothes at one time.I do like flowers and plants though,i think they add something to my surroundings.I suppose if i think i need or gain something deeper from an item then i would buy,it’s the pointless spend i think ,something you would never use or you’ve already got 10 of them in the cupboard.I also don’t really save ,can’t work out whether that’s bad or good.x
Interestingly I read somewhere that it’s a common thing for widows/widowers to spend. Not sure why that is. I am now trying to cut back having bought not one but three chairs I didn’t really need. Most of my spending has been on the house.
Hi
Spending seems to be my hobbie also. I changed the car for a bigger that I don’t really need. I spend far too much on kids and grandkids but I know Margaret would have done the same. I don’t think I care about money as I used too as life can change so quickly as we all know so I think I’ll keep on spending and try to enjoy it.
As you say I can’t take it with me.
William
Yes I have to cut back. I’m still working so can’t really afford to be so extravagant. Being self employed a lot of my life means I haven’t got such a great pension. But the way I feel at the moment do I care not really , what can happen that’s any worse than this.
Today I spoke to a lady whose husband died a number of years ago and she has been on her own ever since.
On chatting she mentioned she intended on going on a world cruise, which she had always wanted to do with her husband but they always put off as something for the next year. She would be alone but it meant she would be well looked after.
It was to celebrate a special birthday.
Thought this was wonderful until she said the holiday wasn’t for another three years!
Everyone on this site know how we regret not doing something or saying something and lives can change in an instant.
Now I believe if you want and can afford something, if you find pleasure in an activity or pastime and it does no harm to others, go for it!
The character played by Dame Maggie Smith in “Best Exotic Marigold Hotel” has a good line, when urged to plan ahead.
“At my age I don’t even buy green bananas.”
Ha! That’s very amusing Edwin.
12remember - shall we all go on a cruise together? Now that would be something…
I’ve started a dream journal,whether spiritual or not,you can learn a lot from dreams.At first I found it very hard to remember anything,I would forget as soon as I woke,I have noticed the more I set the intention to remember ,the more I can recall.Dreams can let us know how we are feeling from within,and have many meanings.xx
Hi to you all. I can certainly relate to your comments Robina. I too have become very interested in Spirit and certainly taking an interest in dreams. I am always hoping my husband is featured. I wake every morning and try to remember if I have had a dream, and if my husband is featured I immediately write it down and then try to work out it’s meaning and can usually find one. I have also realised the number of people out there suffering from grief and find myself taking more interest in people around me. I have decided that if anyone tells me that they have recently lost a wife/husband/child, instead of muttering how sorry I am and going on my way, I will give that person the time of day and let them talk if they wish. Regarding spending, I have always been very careful with money and only today had a quote for window blinds and find myself wondering if I really need them or not. But am considering new carpets, some work in the kitchen and bathroom and steadily moving from room to room painting, so I must be on the road of wanting to spend some money.
I have found since my husband passed away in November that he had been spending money heavily on his hobbies as I discovered when sorting through his things. It was his money I had no objection and feel that perhaps he gained some pleasure from this in his last months. So I say as long as you can pay your bills, then spend your money how you wish if it can just help a little with the hurt we are all feeling. We all have to cope the best way we can. I am now going to send an e-mail to a friend who’s husband is in a nursing home with dementia, he doesn’t know her. I hope I can find words of support for her. She says I’m lucky as I can at least try to come to terms with my grief, she’s right, she’s stuck, can’t go back or forward.
This suffering is terrible I cried for about twenty minutes early yesterday while walking with my dogs on a deserted beach. Then I try to think positive and realise that I have just walked for two hours with my lovely companions and once I came through the crying stage I had done something positive. Good luck
Just looking back a couple of days and felt compelled to reply to the sighting of robins. My husband loved nature and was also a keen photographer. Birds (especially Robins), Bees, butterflies, flowers etc all interested him. While working on his allotment this last week. I was emptying compost bins and a Robin landed on the top of the bin I was working on. It watched me for quite some time, then I moved and it hopped onto the handle of the wheelbarrow, again watching with interest everything I was doing. Was this my husband keeping an eye on me I wonder. He could be critical, so I like to think he was making sure I was doing things right. One of his favourite ‘windup’ sayings was “well what do you expect your only a woman” .I found myself asking the Robin if I was doing things right. It then pooped on the handle of the wheelbarrow, I wonder what sign this was meant to be. But it would amuse my husband.
Hi Pattidot
Oh I hope you have some nice dreams,and many of your husband.Yes I know we will have many days when we just have to let the tears flow,you did very well walking that length of time.Walking on the beach must be so serene this time of year,I live rural so I am lucky to walk in nature,but it can still be quite noisy,as I live on a main road,lots of traffic.So I do envy you I love the sound of the waves in winter.
Yes some things we buy can give comfort,I love self help books,and have accumulated quite a few now,I also have a lot of spiritual books,also mineral stones and crystals.As we move into spring I will buy compost ,pots and various plants for the yard,so yes we all have to spend sometimes to ease our situation.
I can understand your friend feeling a loss for the way it used to be,but as we know once the loss is final,I think your friend will begin to understand how you feel.You sound like a good friend to her Pattidot.I agree the pain at times can bring us to our knees,I hope for all of us that we can keep on getting back up,
Hugs xx
Robins are used as spiritual messengers,not every sighting is a message,but in the context of your visit on the allotment I would say your robin is very possibly a spirit message,as you say it was very close and watching you,keep an eye out and notice if it’s there each time you go,I’ve found the more I take notice of a sign ,the more they give you,and it is a connection as your husband photographed them and had a keen interest like you say.
I see white feathers as a sign but only the ones that appear in the strangest places,a few months ago I was sitting on the seat in the yard,and I asked for a sign,within a few moments,I looked up above me to see a lovely white feather spinning in the air,it spinned until falling in the yard at my feet.,I put this one in my special box.Hope you receive many different signs,There are so many ways to receive them,my daughter and granddaughter have heard my husband,s voice speaking to them,I’m still waiting patiently for that xx
Thanks for your reply Robina. I too have many self help books, now reading about Spirits, Grief, crystals etc like to find out as much as I can about a subject. I find it helps anyway
Regarding the white feather, this doesn’t feature a great deal for me but it has once. My husband loved the sea and said he would meet me there. He didn’t tell me exactly where though. I go to our local seafront and wait. My one dog has suffered since losing her dad. She knew something was very wrong all last summer and I still feel she waiting for him. We came off the seafront one morning and I noticed something stuck to her face, at first I took no notice then I reached down to wipe it away. It was a white feather. Perhaps my husband was trying to put one of his children (as he fondly called them) at peace.
I live in a beautiful area, a keen walker and rambler as there are plenty of walks nearly 600miles in a small area, and sea and beaches surrounding, perhaps that gives a hint of where I am. Can’t bring myself to do the long walks my husband and I did together yet but will again one day and I hope enjoy the memories.
Hi Stevee x yes it happened to me. I lost my partner on 5th Nov 2018… Bonfite night. Keep dreaming of him n finally on New Years day it happened to me ! Alec came n didn’t want to let go n asked him not to leave me but he did n Heart broken again… So soreal n i was frightened n now im not. Someone told me he needs a prayer n he will be fine. We didn’t believe in god n had a Humerous funeral… Im going mad ? thanks Shazz
Shazz, I’m glad you had the same experience, it was so good, since then I haven’t had another but I’m waiting xx