I feel so terrible today as if my heart is breaking I have tried to do things that Mike 75 and Karen F have tried to help me with but I can hardly cope today
I am literally overcome by the whole grief journey
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@19Lefke95 So sorry you are having a bad day. These are so overwhelming when they hit. Nothing really helps during the worst parts. They canāt be helped only survived. Believe me I have these days but fewer now and Iām sure @KarenF has times like this too. All you can do is let the grief flow. It will gradually ease and one day at a time means just that, every day can be different and days like this are part of that. Love hugs and support xxxxxxx
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Thank you for your kind advice as you say it is survival .I was feeling so low I couldnāt think straight but I was so glad to get your encouragement .When you have no family you feel that everything is pointless but your words have jolted me to keep going Zeki would be desperately sad if I give up.
Love and a. Huge thank you for listening
Annxx
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@19Lefke95 I am pleased to help as I need support too at times. That is what the site is for. You might like to look at a new thread, Can you still have a happy life which has some posts you might find helpful. xxxxxxx
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Drowning is a good way to describe it. I started back to work today after 7 weeks off and thought it would be a good distraction. But it feels like it has put me back to the beginning. However maybe I should just see it as a bad day as you describe rather than going backwards. Even more tears today. Took all my o/h tablets to the chemist for disposal as I donāt trust myself to get even more desperate and take them. Tried to distract myself in the garden as a positive move but it is full of reminders everywhere and I ended up coming inside and just sobbing. I wish there was a solution to all this unbelievable sadness. People say think of the fond memories but that doesnāt seem to work for me.
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@Tiffany Your first day back was always going to be tough. As we always say, one day at a time and treat this one as a bad day. We all get them, especially around stressful events and dates and going back to work is extremely stressful. You did brilliantly to stay in and not just walk out. That is a big step.
Love and hugs xxxxx
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Hi @19Lefke95
Iām so sorry to hear how youāre feeling, but pleased others have come to your support and are helping.
There is lots of other support out there, and I would really encourage you to reach out and speak to someone about how you are feeling. As a reminder, here are a few suggestions of where you can turn should you need it:
- Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123.
- Shout are contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
- Our Grief Guide self-help platform which has information, resources and advice to help you through your grief**
- Our Grief Coach text service, which sends you personalised text support via SMS
You are not alone, @19Lefke95, so please keep reaching out and keep talking.
Take good care,
Kate
Hi @Tiffany
Iām so sorry to hear how youāre feeling - it must have been a very hard day back at work, but please remember to give yourself time and be kind to yourself.
We have recently shared an article about returning to work after the death of a loved one which you may find helpful to read.
Remember, Samaritans are available 24/7 to talk about anything that you are worried about in confidence. You can call them on 116 123 or Shout are also contactable by text, 24/7. You can text REMEDY to 85258 and talk to them about anything.
Take good care,
Kate
Thank you Kate, there is a lot of useful information on there.
Hi @Tiffany, Iām sorry you felt today didnāt go as you wanted or even anticipated, when I returned to work in February, a month after I lost my husband, the first week was incredibly hard. I felt āunsafeā outside my home and I also knew I was returning to an empty house at the end of the day. I think you have done really well to even to get ready and go into work, it takes extraordinary strength and courage to face people and even focus on what you have to do. A couple of months in it has become a little easier for me, my employers are so supportive and allow me my āmomentsā when I need to escape for a while when things get overwhelming. Like this awful journey we are all on, just take tiny steps and donāt expect too much of yourself. You will get there, weāve got you and are all behind you. With love xxx
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Thank you very much Kate
@Tiffany Others have said it much more eloquently than I could say. Just wanted to wish you peace and a mahoosive hug 
Small steps, youāre doing so well.
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Thank you very much Kate I just thanked you in the wrong place I get confused sometimes where to reply where
@19Lefke95
So sorry to hear you are struggling today. As @Mike75 so rightly says, we do have bad times, for me even after so much longer than it has been for you. You only needed to see me standing in the lay-by last Tuesday, where the friend tried to resuscitate Richard. No idea what any passers by would have thought of this woman standing there openly sobbing!
Donāt forget that the grief we have is simply a sign of the love we also have so it is bound to be that hard when we loved that much and have lost the person. We have not lost the love I hasten to add; that continues but can only be expressed through our tears now. Accept them for what they are and see each moment if each day for what it is and not a sign that this is what it will always be.
Sending you love and hugs for better days to come.
Karen xxx
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@Tiffany
Oh Tiffany I am so sorry that you have had such a bad day.
I think you are right to see it as being a bad day , maybe tomorrow might be slightly easier. At least you have made the first step and faced going. It must have been so hard . It is another āfirstā for you. I do hope that you are feeling a bit calmer now.
Just keep on crying and let all of your feelings out. We are all here to listen and try and comfort you.
Take care and sending big hugs and love to you xxx
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@Tiffany
You have already had some great responses from your friends on here but Iāll just add mine in to the mix.
Be proud of yourself that you walked through that door. You didnāt move backwards, you took a massive step forwards, which cost you emotionally but it was a huge first. I say well done Tiffany.
Also, what can be comforting activities to do one day can be emotional another. We often donāt know which it will be until we try it. There will be times Iām sure when the garden will bring you peace. The memories we have, no matter how lovely, do have a similar effect. Some days they will be lovely, others they will cause pain. I believe in time the happy reaction to them will become more frequent than the sadness.
Sending love and congratulations that you took that huge step today.
Karen xxx
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Thank you all for your lovely replies and support, it really does help. I feel a bit of a fraud though and not sure I deserve all the praise because I will be working from home at the moment and didnāt even have to speak to anyone. I was just clearing my emails. However what made it hard was seeing all the Teams chats I wrote on 15/3 before my world fell apart, i.e ā yes I should be in the office tomorrow āetc.
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@Tiffany I can so relate to that, it still does jerk me when I have to go back to emails and chats from before my world fell apart too. I try to remember who I was then as I am not the same now yet in reality so little time has passed. @Mike75 said at the Zoom meeting tonight that its like a line that is drawn on the before and after. Hope your grief is kind to you tomorrow xxx
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My heart just ached to think of you in that lay-by what a traumatic experience.
I canāt look at photos ,I donāt watch anything on TV with a connection I canāt even bear to check something in last years diary as he was still with me.I think I mentioned to you on the day he died he left to get anti biotics and I begged him to let me go with him and then within in the hour he was dead.Iām still struggling with the shock I canāt seem to move on from that day but as you say we have to somehow grieve and then move to something else each day.
Love hugs and a big thank you for listeningxxx
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@Tiffany you are in no way a fraud as you faced something which was a huge challenge to you. That takes bravery. It doesnāt matter what the challenge is which faces each of us, if one day we manage it despite it causing pain and distress, we have achieved something significant. I feel the more often I do whatever it is, the pain should lessen as my brain rewires that particular action to become used to it the way it now is.
I donāt know if that makes any sense but it helps me to face my grief in a way recommended in the book I still havenāt finished called āResilient Grievingā by Lucy Hone.
In a way thatās what made me want to visit the lay-by @19Lefke95 I knew that would be facing my grief head on. We can only do that when we feel ready to though so donāt try to tell yourself you SHOULD be doing anything. There is no should about any of this.
As @Mike75 & @sandi said, there is an almost tangible line between life before that tragic day and life after. When I think about things I have worked on in the house or garden, I tend to think about whether it was before then or after then. In a way I donāt want to get to the stage of not remembering. Iām not sure why but maybe it feels as if the huge change will seem less significant than it is.
Love to you all
Karen xxx
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