Easter morning and I don’t know how I will get through it. It is now nine months since I lost David my beloved after 53 years of marriage. I was having a few better times then this horrible virus struck and I am right back at square one. My family are fantastic, I can access fields from my doorstep so can get out into the fresh air with my dogs but just feeling so sad, so angry and so totally down this morning. Everyone is saying how much they will miss family gatherings today, how this will be the first year they have not been together for Easter dinner etc. I just want to scream at them, hopefully you all get together soon, you will all get your dinners, your hugs, your get togethers. This is my first Easter without David and I will never get to hug him again, eat with him, be with him. Oh how I miss him, my heart still aches, literally.
Hainey, I understand everything you say. This lockdown is killing us. I can’t see my two daughters and grandchildren, it’s such a cruel blow after losing my husband five months ago .
Also Easter, it is a time of family get togethers, and I do get angry inside when other’s say they’re looking forward to being together again.
It hurts so much, seeing couples together and knowing we won’t have that again.
I think a bit of me inside has turned bitter to people that talk about their future together, why don’t they realise what they’re saying, I feel like screaming like you. I hate the feelings I have got , and each day is a living hell without our husbands.
Sending a hug
Steph x
Sorry for the rant x
Hi Hainey and Steph,
I couldn’t agree more. Whilst we all want this nightmare lockdown to end, for us a return to normality will never happen. I just yearn for my husband more and more and don’t want to hear from friends who are making plans for when it’s all over. I also miss the person I used to be, not bitter and resentful like I feel right now.
Thinking of you both
Exactly jobar, I want to be the person I was, not bitter, it’s so hard x
Oh No Steph. No rant at all, and never apologise for anything you say or do when in grief. It’s as if we lost our senses when we lost our loved ones.
I too could sometimes scream when I hear some remarks. What is it about grief they don’t get? I am being told I must go out and sit in the sun. But that’s what my wife and I used to do and it still hurts when I try to sit outside. Memories can be a blessing or a curse.
I think aching hearts are common to most of us. With the virus and the grief it has all become a bit overwhelming. In a way it’s as well my wife passed when she did. She was in care home and I would not be allowed there, That would have been heart breaking for both of us. All we can do is try and weather the storm. Ships at sea batten down the hatches, head into the wind and ride it out. Perhaps we can do that although it remains painful. They say everything passes and it does. But being in the middle of the process is not good at all.
hainey. I think you have just about summed up how we all feel today. The sun is shining but it has little affect on our spirits. Yes, people complain but it’s not until they are in our situation they realise what it’s like.
Sad, angry and down. I know!!
Take care all. Be kind to yourselves as well as others. We need TLC and we have to grab it when it comes. Blessings. John.
Thanks Jonathan,
You and everyone on here understands the crazy feelings inside, bitterness, sadness, pain and so angry at the world.
Yes, I agree about friends saying to me , go and sit in the garden , how can I when me and Tim sat out there and laughed and chatted to the cows came home, I just can’t, but only you and everyone on here understands .
It is heartbreaking when people can’t visit their loved ones during this horrible virus situation, I do think if I lost Tim now, well,I can’t even think how awful it would be , not being able to see him .
Thank you Jonathan and everyone on here, who understands everything we rant about.
Steph x
Thank you all for your thoughts here today. I thought I was on my own, and maybe not a very nice person at that, to have these really awful thoughts. I think the isolation from everyone is getting to me big time today. I can relate so easily to all the comments on here. I used to be a very caring person, volunteering in a hospice, shopping for my disabled friends, knowing David was always here for me to come back to, to chat to, to enjoy his company. Now he is not here, I cannot get get a hug even from my family and I feel bad about feeling bitter but having a bad time this morning
Sorry, just had to sound off. Thanks for listening.
We can all be bitter together .
Love to everyone x
Hopefully realising that we haven’t in fact been singled out will dilute our bitterness. I do hope so. John would not like me as I am! He was always so positive and how I miss his optimism and unfailing support now.
We just have to support each other knowing how difficult it is to be alone right now.
Thinking of you all.
We must take special care not to ‘knock ourselves down’. We are still the same people, but the trauma of loss brings out emotions we may have never thought we had. Anger at what has happened and bitterness come in the package called grief. Who wouldn’t feel angry and bitter? But there has to be a limit to those emotions or they can begin to colour our life and become a habit.
If we allow the process of grief to take it’s course and allow emotions to come, whowever silly or painful they may seem, then time will give some relief. There is no ‘getting over’ this situation, better to ‘go through it’ with as much acceptance as we can manage. It’s a very tall order I know and asking a lot. But acceptance as opposed to fighting and struggling with the situation does eventually ease it a bit. By ‘going through it’ we learn so much about ourselves and others.
Anxiety and fear for the future are bound to creep in, especially during these difficult times. My wife too was an optimist. I got told off on many occasions for my pessimism. She was even laughing at herself near the end. Memories die hard and can so often be a source of pleasure, but can also have the opposite effect.
Trees bend in the wind so they don’t break. We may be in an emotional gale but we can bend with it. The gale will die down.
Take care all. John.
You are so right, all the feelings and emotions with grief , take over - and we definitely lose ourselves.
Hope in time we will find ourselves again , but I think we will never be the same ,as we’ve all lost our soulmates and the pain of that will never leave us, and unfortunately we’ve got to get used to it as there’s no other choice .
Nearly six months have passed and I do feel so much anger inside, mainly because Tim was 56.
Our future lives have been snatched away from us,
Why, why, I just want to wake up from this horrible nightmare. Why couldn’t we live our lives right into our eighties at least , we’ve done nothing to deserve this, life is so cruel, I feel for him, how can he be just gone, the world’s moving on without him, like he’s never exsisted, I worry he’ll be forgotten, I can’t handle that . I need him. I can’t do this on my own, I try but it’s too hard.
I’m so sorry , just feel rotten atm like everyone else.
I’ve done nothing but rant today, it’s one of those awful days where I just want to curl up and cry
Sorry everyone x
Hi Steph, John was eight years older than Tim and I feel cheated so it is understandable why you do. It’s not that we feel entitled but 56 and 64 is just too soon to die nowadays.
We had spent a good few years helping our sons along the way and supported my parents to live in their own home. We did all this willingly hoping that one day we would be able to spend time doing just what we wanted together. We never planned to go mad rushing here there and everywhere. We simply hoped to enjoy each others company and look after each other into old age. Although in our mid sixties, we convinced ourselves we didn’t look our age and felt young at heart.
Like you I have worried that John will be forgotten but of course he never will, our sons will make sure of that . Your daughters and grandchildren will ensure that Tim also is not forgotten even if it seems as though the world has moved on.
I appreciate what Jonathan says about learning to accept instead of struggling and deep down I aspire to that. Right now though I want to scream at the unfairness of life. This awful situation has been thrust upon us and I go over and over what we did to deserve this. After 37 very happy years together we still hoped for more and I cannot grasp that our story has ended so abruptly. The longing to have John back is like a physical pain which just never goes away and nothing can ease.
A lot of people posting over the last few days seem to have taken a backward step in coping and the rawness has come flooding back.
Hopefully we will all have a less negative day tomorrow.
Thinking of you
I can totally relate to your pain you are feeling …I to recently lost my husband …that lonely empty feeling is so real and raw …I sit here willing the next few days away …sending a viral hug your way x
It’s well over a year since I lost my wife. I recognise the feelings people have expressed on here: Anger, bitterness, a feeling of abandonment, being cheated. I’ve felt most of them, as well as guilt.
But I realise that these are stages to go through, and I am almost through now.
I try to turn it on its head, and think how lucky I have been. To have a partner for nearly 50 years, to share my life with. A lot of people have not had that, so I feel grateful that I have.
Some couples have terrible lives together, and experience break-up, divorce, problems with children, losing homes, and lots of other things.
I never had any of that. I was lucky.
It’s good that you are challenging the inevitable negative thoughts that creep up on us all at times …on good days I to can relate to thoughts that include how lucky i was to have 44 years with my soulmate …but it’s ok to sometimes acknowledge that we can be triggered back into that negative spiral of thoughts in particular at times like now …Easter …when we recall the last Easter and what we done with those we lost and who are no longer with us …theres no wrong way to feel in grief …all feelings are OK
Steph,
Sending you all my love. It is not an easy journey we are travelling, so many emotions, Thank you for confirming these terrible feelings are part of that journey and I am not travelling along this road alone
I hope you will find some peace in your heart, this is what I wish for us all.
Kindest thoughts. Xx
Jobar,
So difficult, thank you for listening.
Needed to say out loud what I was feeling inside today.
Take care.
Thanks hainey
We all feel these terrible feelings, thank you for your lovely message.
Feel ok today, seems to go like that, as everyone knows.
Sending love
Steph x
Hi Jobar,
It does seem everyone’s feeling it the last few days.
Felt sorry for myself yesterday, feel a bit better today. Hope you are ok .
In time the strong horrible feelings may ease, but will never go as anniversaries, birthdays and occasions come round.
Johnathon talks a lot of sense, we’re all in this together.
Take care x