My condolences to each of you in this community. It’s not a club any of us wanted to be members of. I ’m struggling with the emptiness since my hubby of 46+ years died in September. We started dating in our teens, proved to a few people that we were meant for each other. Each day I wake up I say to myself - maybe I won’t wake up tomorrow. So I accept the day & just go through the motions & try hard to put on my ‘I’m fine’ face. Take care everyone.
23 Likes
It may seem like a pr consolation, but I take comfort in the fact that every day I make it through is one day nearer to being with my husband again 
9 Likes
Thank you for your reply - I know he’ll be waiting for me
6 Likes
Hi @Malteser @Reality
Yes it really is hard for us the ones left behind.
I find sleep just almost non existent well a couple of hours per night it has been 6 months since he left. Know each other 37 years married 35 had to go 36 in August without his presence.
Christmas will be on my own and Hogmanay New Year in Edinburgh lots if people in city but still on my own
I have like most here not a good 2023 and hope next year i am able to do some good in volunteering and helping other’s get through their grief and problems.
Wishing everyone a good Sunday and sending hugs to get you through the day
Take care
Lynne Xx
8 Likes
we would have been 47yrs married in February & 49 years together 7th December’23 - that was a hard day 
5 Likes
Hi @Malteser
Yes each special occasions are hard but we do manage to get through somehow.
I take a day at a time now but my thoughts are always with him and i get sad and cry then just manage to survive.
I guess now it is learning to live now on your own as one which after such a long time together is not easy.
Take care of yourself
Lynne Xx
3 Likes
I can keep my self busy during the day with work, walking the dog, maintaining the garden and projects around the house, but emptiness certainly inhabits the shadows at night.
My wife used to say I was her rock, well she was my guiding star. I don’t know if I believe she is waiting for me or if I want to believe that. Because when I look out I feel I’m on a calm sea beset in the doldrums with nothing on the horizon to guide me, would I want her waiting an eternity for me to join her, feeling the way I feel now?
Anyway enough of that. I do suspect bit by bit we will rebuild our lives.
My wife told me a couple of weeks before she died how grateful she was for the life we had built together and the years we had shared. She said she was at peace with that and was certain I would find my way through.
Did other peoples spouses speak like that?
2 Likes
Thanks for your words,Lynne
Allyson
2 Likes
@kingfisher067 My husband died unexpectedly but he had told me that the years with me were the happiest of his life. He also said that if anything happened he would be so happy because he’d be with his brother who died 4 years ago. He said that he’d had an amazing life. He also said that everyone else would be fine, but that he was worried about me.
1 Like
Thank you for your response x
We knew he was dying but we expected him to be here for Christmas so we’d made plans for as good a last Christmas as it could be - he was a very organised man & did everything he had in his power to do so that I would be alright. That being said - neither of us was prepared for the fast decline. He also thought I would be a lot stronger than I am
1 Like
Hi @Malteser
Yes nothing ever prepares you for the days ahead.
All days now feel empty without him and i have got through our anniversary in august 36 years and my birthday 66 in October.
I just retired on Oct 23 and he was retired in Feb 23 early retirement aged 63.
Didn’t get to do the things planned together hopefully i will be strong enough next year to do on my own.
Lynne Xx
2 Likes
you & me both.
We talked about me still doing the trips if he was gone - not so sure I’ll be able to them.
Take care,
Allyson
1 Like
Take care
Hope we both manage to do the things we want to in the future
Hope you get good nights sleep and sending hugs
Xx
I was always the strong one. He called me his rock. I’ve falling apart. I had planned our Christmas and stuff for next year. I’m angry and upset x
So sorry for the path you’ve been forced to follow - none of us chose this for our loved ones or for ourselves. I know the anger you talk of because of the ‘no choice’ in any of the situation we find ourselves in the middle of. I would love to have a soundproof room somewhere to let go of all my anger & frustration. Instead I walk our dog or March her, depending on how angry I am. It’s not good to bottle it up so speaking to people on here & finding different solutions to cope might help. Take care x x
Thank you. It comforting in here knowing we all feel the same. Although l wish none of us did xx
Absolutely, I’m finding the support of others on the same path much more help than the face to face counselling from a patronising professional - but that was my experience & I know some really great professionals who are counsellors.
I lost my dear wife last year in July, each day goes by I miss her, but I know we will be together again soon, we knew each for 43 years and were very close
2 Likes
Hi @Hawk59
Like yourself i lost my husband in June and every day i miss him more and more.
Time goes by fast but slowly and now Christmas approaching. Last year we spent it together in Australia with family.
This year i spend it alone what a difference a year makes.
Take care
Lynne
3 Likes
It’s so hard to walk forward on our own. It’s what my husband asked me to do but neither of us knew what the depth of the pain was going to be like.
Each day dawns against my wishes and stretches before me.
I dread when night comes around because those feelings of emptiness & loneliness join the pain at the thought of getting into a cold empty bed.
I wake up several times during the night and wish I didn’t.
2 Likes