Probably I shouldn’t be laughing at your response. I’m not sorry that I am 
Good. It made it worthwhile.
I absolutely agree cw13, our home is where I feel closest to my husband too. He’s everywhere in this house through photos, mementos but more importantly in the things he did as in DIY etc. I visit his grave because I like it to look nice and we’ll cared for but I don’t feel him there at all. I have created a lovely area with a bench and planted a couple of trees and it’s a pleasant place to sit but it’s a memorial and that’s all it is. I stand and look at his name on the headstone in utter disbelief. Xx
Kate I haven’t taken notice when it was you lost your husband. How long ago is it.
Now I’ve written it again, I hate that terminology I’ve taken to using ‘lost my husband’. Wish I had just ‘lost him’. I’d be out there now finding him. And, find him I would!!! xx
Dear cw13. It will be 20 whole months on the 19th of this month. I know what you mean about the term ‘lost my husband’ - no we haven’t lost them. I know David is very much still with me and as I’ve said many times - my husband may have died but he’s not dead!
Goodness knows where we find the strength to carry on but we do…
I shall think of you tomorrow cw13 and as YorkshireLad has said, it will probably pass by in a blur xx
Thank you. I’m sure you’re both right. Another surreal experience probably. I’ve had so many of those already.
I’ve already realised it can’t be any worse than today, or the day after it either.
I hope more than anything that mine continues to stay close to me as time progresses. I don’t suppose I give him any choice. He’s in my heart and I know he will always remain there. We don’t go anywhere, or do anything without our heart do we.
I read the ‘signs’ posts you spoke of on another post. Everyone makes me smile. I’m a reasonably intelligent person in general I think, and all I can say is, we alone know our husbands, wives or, whoever. Therefore, we alone know when a sign is a sign, regardless of what we may sound like to others. I’ve had one already. I’m sure I have. Even though it was on the day he died, I smiled for a split second.
He’s not left me. Not a chance. I have faith too that he never will. I also have faith that we will reunite one day. And no, I don’t have any real proof to back that statement up, neither do I have any real proof not to. I’m clinging on, literally, to my faith.
Thank you again for your kind words Kate x
I’m sure we will meet our loved ones again. Some reading to do I think. Xx
Over my lifetime I have been apprehensive about funerals, though I have come to realize that for many people they are cathartic. Frightening to anticipate, painful to go through, but a sense of relief afterwards.
It was different with Eileen; I found myself looking forward to the opportunity to do honour to her. The men of the family bore her woven, flower and ivy-strewn coffin to a full church, I gave a long eulogy which drew applause (for her, not for me) her dogs were there, and (I found out later) other people brought theirs too. Eileen would have been pleased, I hope.
With the benefit of hindsight I think that’s really important. To be a big part of things rather than an onlooker as I now see that I was. I was far too scared of how much power my grief could exert, and my ability to deal with it.
Hi
Thinking of you for the funeral you will get through it somehow. I found the anticipation worse than the actual day. As Yorkshire lad I found myself more concerned about my children’s grief than my own.
I also found about a week after the funeral when my children started to return to their everyday lives with my encouragement was the hardest. The first night you come home to an empty house is devastating.
Take all the love and support on the day and you will get through it as we all did.
Take care
William
Yes the day passes in a flash. The anticipation being worse than the day. But people wrongly think it’s some sort of closure, we’ll I’m sorry but that’s bollocks. I don’t think there will ever be closure. I miss Denise as much now as I did 3 months ago. Today probably being the worst day I had. No reason it just happens. Xx wishing you strength and love xx
No closure for me either. I thought there would be. The whole day was surreal. 85 people attended. I just went on to automatic pilot
Not sure what you mean by closure. How does that work.
Had the same experience William. In fact I felt worse when returning home. So empty.
Lots of people said I would find closure. I think they meant it was the final goodbye. As I said after a couple of day I felt worse
Edwin that all sounds just beautiful. I too have found an energy to do my man proud tomorrow. Every single decision I have made has been completely about what I genuinely believe he would want. Some of them being the more difficult option, but because I believe them to be right, I made them anyway.
Come hell or high water tomorrow we will do him proud. Oh yes we will. And yes, an honour it will certainly be x
Hi everyone. I’m sorry to say but there can never be closure. How can there be?
So kind. Thank you. I’m sorry you have had such a bad time today x
It’s interesting to think what they might have meant. Presumably they were speaking from a totally naive position.
I’m pleased nobody has said that to me.
I think feeling worse is the norm. You’ve been so strong for so long and then you don’t need to be.