It is a sad fact that we have to experience our grief to appreciate how horrific it is for others. The grief, sadness and depth of love on this site has really been a revelation to me. I will never be blasé about any loss in future. X
6 Likes
My Grandma was Italian. My grandad was English/Scottish.
I was the eldest of 6 grandchildren for her.
She always called me the ‘apple of her eye’ and that I was her favourite, (simply because I was the first.)
I was the last to marry. She always said she would not die until she saw me married.
She was bedridden for the last 10 years of her life. But I took my husband to meet her
before we got married.
She told him, " if you hurt her, I’ll get my boys to murder you!"
It made us all laugh. My dad and uncle are the mildest of men. And my Grandma was so gentle. But it just showed how much she loved me. She was alive when we married, but couldn’t come. But she knew I’d found love… So she was happy.
And it makes me happy.
My uncle has since been widowed too.
So my Grandma, my uncle , and me have an understanding no one else in our family does xxxxxxxxx
1 Like
That is what I miss about R. He was a very kind and gentle man. Liked by everyone. He never spoke badly of anyone and had a lovely sense of humour. I miss his thoughtfulness and his abilty to love and be loved. I was so lucky to have him. Not for long enough though!! Xxxx
3 Likes
Yes we all have stories of loss and struggle.
I didn’t expect to be looking after my children bye my self.
Loosing my wife so so young was tuff, I never expected a Yong girl to go so Yong.
Hopefully in time the pain will be better but at the moment it’s unbelievable how loss affects everything.
Lots of love to all the people sending love and hugs 
.
I wish you have some peace 
.
Lots of love and hugs and kisses and support…
2 Likes
What ages are your children and do you have any support or help?
1 Like
Be strong and love your memories, keep going one day at a time, it is six years since my loss and I feel this Christmas I have turned a corner and the pain is now bearable. Take care and look forward when you are able x
4 Likes
Empty but Full
The house is full of people, but it’s quiet. It is never truly silent. The walls echo with the laughter of children, their voices rising and falling like waves. Yet, to me, it is empty. I sit at the edge of my bed—our bed—staring into a void that refuses to stare back. The room still carries traces of my wife: the faint scent of her perfume clinging stubbornly to the pillow, the neatly folded sweater she loved but never had the chance to wear again. She’s gone. Thirty-eight years old, ripped from my world too soon, leaving behind four young lives and one broken man.
I am a single father now, a title that feels like a weight pressing against my chest. The children need me, their small, innocent faces looking up at me with questions I can’t answer, with needs I feel unequipped to meet. I do my best. I cook meals that go untouched, read bedtime stories with a voice that trembles, hug them tighter than I should because letting go feels impossible. But inside, I am hollow.
I’m not just alone; I’m dead inside. A ghost walking through the motions of parenthood, of life, while the world continues without her. Every morning is a battle to get out of bed, every night an endless stretch of torment where memories of her play like a cruel film reel in my mind. Her laugh. Her touch. The way she looked at me as if I were her whole world. Now, my world is gone, shattered beyond repair.
The children fill the house with noise, with movement, with needs. But it doesn’t stop the ache. It doesn’t fill the empty space in my chest where my heart once was. I want to be strong for them, to give them the love and stability they deserve, but I’m drowning. Depression clings to me like a shadow, dark and relentless.
It’s the end of the year—a time meant for joy, reflection, and hope. But I feel none of that. Instead, I feel the weight of everything I’ve lost. The burden of carrying on without her. The crushing reality that no one can take this pain away. People say it will get easier, that time will heal. But those are just words. They don’t know. They can’t know.
I sit in the living room late at night, the children asleep upstairs. The Christmas tree still stands in the corner, its lights blinking in a rhythm that feels mocking. The house is full of memories, full of children, full of life—and yet, it is empty.
I put my head in my hands and weep. For her. For myself. For the children who will grow up without their mother. I don’t know how to keep going, but I have to. For them. They are all I have left of her, and somehow, that has to be enough.
Even in the depths of my despair, I cling to the faintest thread of hope. Not for myself, but for my children. They need me to survive, even if I don’t know how. The pain won’t go away, but maybe, just maybe, I can learn to carry it. For her. For them. For the love that was, and the love that still remains.
It’s the end of the year, this is a very difficult time stepping into yet a new year all all alone, my heart is broken 
my pain is unbearable.
I am sending you all my love, my hugs my best wishes.
Please survive please keep going I understand your pain and suffering.
Lots of love 
5 Likes
It’s New Year’s Eve and I cannot face it. It feels like closing a book and I feel so sad . I lost my husband in August and Christmas has been hard. Surrounded by people I still feel lonely , lost and sad. I can’t tell people how lost I feel .
4 Likes
Hi friend, we on here are all in the same boat as yourself, we know the pain you are going through and you are doing really well to keep going but as you said your kids have lost there mother and they need you now more than ever. Keep going my friend.
3 Likes
You have me in tears, your doing what you can, getting out of bed is a big struggle, I can’t move anything of his and smell everything all the time, I sleep with his favourite jumper and a photo on his pillow, I’ve made a lot of photos and put them all over the fridge to remember the good times, what would your wife say to you now? keep thinking that, that’s what I do. I chose a photo and put a magnet light next to it on the fridge he’s smiling so happy and it makes me smile back and lights up when I walk into my now lonely kitchen and I think in some way he’s looking after me helping me through this awful pain somehow.
Get support the Good grief Trust have a place on their site you can put your postcode in to find local help or your local Hospice might know?
Wishing you a peace as we cross to a year we don’t want to face but have too.
A hard time for us all tonight sending kind thoughts and tears with you to all of you in our grief x
2 Likes
I am just sitting here crying 
.
It was tuff doing the Christmas 
.
You all know putting on the smile, getting the children presents, putting out the Christmas dinner…all with a smile 
.
But you all know it’s a fake smile.
I just can’t do this anymore. It’s just so painful.
My heart is broken …
I just feel so lonely so lost so broken, I didn’t expect to be like this.
I was happy full of life, always out.
I would be out working now on the ambulance, running around picking up people…now look broken, damaged, faulty goods…
I wish you all a happy new year, I wish your feeling better soon.
Lots of love and hugs.
Keep strong, keep safe, keep going.
1 Like
delving deeper into the raw emotions of loneliness and loss.
A Lonely Heart, A Life Apart
The bed is cold, the room so still,
An empty echo I cannot fill.
The laughter’s gone, the tears remain,
A silent witness to my pain.
I hold their toys, I breathe their scent,
Moments lost, a life misspent.
The walls know secrets I cannot tell,
Each day a shadow, each night a hell.
I gave my heart, my soul, my years,
Now I sit alone with my fears.
No voice to answer when I call,
Just the hollow sound of it all.
They look at me with trusting eyes,
Not seeing the man who quietly dies.
I smile for them, I play my part,
But loneliness has claimed my heart.
Once, I dreamed of love so sweet,
Now I stagger on unsteady feet.
No hand to hold, no voice to soothe,
Just empty nights, a heart to lose.
What did I do to deserve this fate?
To love, to lose, to suffocate.
A lonely heart, a single dad,
Who gave his all—and still feels bad.
I cannot shake this sadness off. It consumes me. My son suggested a shopping trip and lunch in Cardiff. I went as far as the train station and came home. I can’t do it. Now I am alone and have to get through the night.
3 Likes
Keep strong
It’s hard I feel like I want to be home all the time too, I have to take something for anxiety about going out. I feel safe at home, we have lost our comfort our protector the world doesn’t feel the same, I used to walk hand in hand everywhere with my husband I feel lost outside without him, sending love and hugs, I lost my husband in October it’s overwhelming, but we have to do what feels comfortable for us, my mom keeps pushing me but if you get pushed too much you’ll snap, only do what’s right for you everyone is trying to help but I don’t think it’s easy to feel how disconnected you feel with the world and the scary future without your loved one, your not alone I’m sitting here the same at home doing everything I can do to spend time doing things that my husband would have done or liked it gives me comfort.
Hope you find comfort in that we are all on here because we loved so much
Thinking of all of us tonight as we have to face the new year feeling lonely and lost but hope for the good memories that our loved ones gave us.
Julie
2 Likes
Julie we are so lucky to have loved and been loved. It is 24 weeks today and it doesn’t feel any easier. I want a hug, I want to physically reach out and touch him. Share a silly joke and not feel so alone. Our love makes our loss so immense.
Hugs x
2 Likes
I know it’s not going away we think everything gets fixed eventually the reality is loss is forever, I actually feel my life is over but I continue in a haze of living, it’s early days I know and some days I hope I have a life but I don’t understand what that is? Without my soul mate.
Hoping your new year is peaceful, healthy and most of all full of the love of your lost one.
My hearts broken
Will never be fixed
I have to keep going for him that’s what he would have wanted.
I wish you many hugs in your time of need, we should take every day for ourselves be self caring take a bath a candle a picture a ritual whatever you need to do, shut the door on people who can’t help you need time for you it goes on, we are lost hopefully our loved ones are at peace and guiding us to live and in their spiritual lives they look after us.
1 Like
I am glad to get through another day. Time goes slowly. I can’t keep cleaning and organising. Finding jobs to do. I need a purpose. Time to dust myself off and find something for me. X
2 Likes
Hi all,
As we step into a new year, I hope this year brings some relief from all the pain.
Over the past three days, I’ve been cleaning, washing, moving things around, and adjusting, just to keep my mind occupied and away from the dark, overwhelming thoughts.
Yes, I’m still here, still smiling for everyone, giving the impression that everything is okay. But deep down, I’m a broken man. My life has become a daily struggle, and yesterday was particularly hard. I spent most of the day in bed, trying to find a way out of this pain. The longer I stayed there, the deeper I fell into the black hole of depression.
Despite everything, I want to send you all love and hope. I wish you a better day, a happy new year, and I truly hope my sharing these feelings helps you understand that you’re not alone in your struggles.
To anyone who feels like I do:
Do not give up.
Keep going.
Stay strong.
You’re not alone in this.
Wishing you love, hugs, and the strength to make today better than yesterday.
2 Likes
Thank you so much for these words of understanding and encouragement. This has inspired me, and helped me to realise that I am not alone in my struggles. My daughter keeps me here.
You are never alone, we are never alone. Sending so much love to you and your children.
1 Like