End of life when you are not end of life!

My Family went through the same, our dad bumped his head and went into hospital, he had a previous stroke, (mild) and dementia for 2 years, when he went in they said he’d had another stroke!!! They gave him Madadzilam, lorazipam and an antipsychotic and knocked him out, he was left to rot in a corner, mouth infected, blood filled catheter, no food or water…11 days in after being told he had 48hours left and end of life i told the hospital i was taking him to a different hospital and contacting the news papers…suddenly he was not end of life anymore and moved to a seperate room. my mum and i had to have a meeting with the ward mamager/sister that day!!! I was told my dad HAD A STROKE his right side had gone!!! Plus that day they put a dols on him again strange!!! Since we now have his records it states a nurse went to see him that morning and he was trying to get out of bed and had movement in all four limbs (strange) He did have movement in all limbs and face was fine also…Anyway his CT scan came back negative strange again, a doctor said on day 11 they were not going to feed him and let him die, strange so soon when you haven’t even given him a chance to recover from you’re so called stroke??? The consultant tried to also convince me he had another stroke, he said right i will give your dad an UNOFFICIAL drink test so he did, dad took the cup and drank it all, strange again…They would not allow him to get out of bed, since we have had the medical report we found the consultant said dad was bedbound before entering hospital!!! NO HE WAS NOT!!! By now my sisters and mum knew something was going on as far as we are concerned they tried to Euthenise him as soon as he arrived! Long story short they sent someone who had aspirated by mistake under my dads name for a scan, strange, they overloaded him with fluid we have pics and set up the machine wrong also, they tried to get my sister and i on an order to to be able to get in to see him, we tried to get him home they kept putting it off, no one help the 4 people involved with dad were vile knew what they were planning from the start!!! YES dad died 11 weeks later he fought so hard and begged to go home, he was not suffering or in pain!!! My mother died shortly after as a direct result and it has killed my sisters and! I found a nurse from legal papers online who had worked on that ward and in court said they were overloading, dehydrating and she used the words k*lling patients! She was a nurse for 10 years, she had a court case against the hospital 3 years before dad died! I contacted her and we met…She broke down crying telling me she was sorry and she had tried to stop it but got fired and was called a whistleblower! Explain that to me? I feel guilt every single day from not saving my father from the very people who should have helped him but instead ended both my parents lives!!! There is so much more to this and evidence and no one will do anything…No Justice!

1 Like

Hello @caroline0711,

I’m part of the Online Community team and I can see that you are new to the community - I’d like to thank you for bravely starting this thread and sharing how you are feeling. I’m so sorry to hear about your dad and your mother. Most community members have sadly experienced the death of a loved one and so will understand some of what you are going through.

I’m sure someone will be along to offer their support, but I wanted to share a few Sue Ryder resources with you that might be helpful.

I really hope you find the community helpful and a good source of support and I also hope you feel you can access more support should you need it.

Thank you again for sharing – please keep reaching out and know that you are not alone.

Take care,

Alex

2 Likes

Thank you Alex

1 Like

Dear Caroline0711
Just a brief reply for now, I’m going to read your comment properly tomorrow as I’ve not had a proper chance to read and concentrate. I just briefly read it fast but have to dash offline now, but what you write is similar to what I went through (with my poor ole dad). Thank you for sharing what you’ve experienced. It’s terrible isn’t it. My thoughts about it all keep torturing me. Anyways, I’m going to read it properly tomorrow and reply more respectfully when I’ve more time tomorrow. Best wishes for now :sunflower: Cordy

1 Like

Hello, I experienced seeing this sort of thing going on, I didn’t clap the nurses & the strikes for a rise made me feel physically sick.

5 Likes

Yup I know that exact feeling. We all dare not say a word against our beloved NHS but for my poor ole beautiful dad it was national hell sinister! In the future i will be going public with my story but I have to get to get Complaint done… Of course the hospital are skilled at whitewashing and dismissing our complaints. But we have to see them through. I’m tortured thinking about how they killed off my dad - some would call it murder. My apologies if my words upset. I try not to go there. Anyways I must dash offline now
Best wishes
:sunflower::cherry_blossom:

3 Likes

Thank you @Cordy, i am so sorry you went through the same wih your dad…It is unbelievable what goes on and i still find it hard to accept this goes on and no one blinks an eye…Destroying families

1 Like

@Flower_garden same here with the NHS, my mum and dad worshiped the doctors and nurses, worked hard all their lives never asked for anything and what did they get for it? Shocking how braison they are to do this so openly in your face because they know they will get away with it because they have been doing it for so long!

1 Like

Dear Caroline
I have just finally properly read through what you’ve bravely had the strength to get down in words. I’m actually shaking inside because I absolutely relate to so much what you write. I know this happens, it’s common strategic practice. I am so sorry for what you have gone through too. I know my own lovely dad was killed off rather than treated and allowed to return home. The DOL deprivation of liberty thing is just appalling. Disgusting . I can’t express myself here too good at the moment. But I absolutely feel for you. Do you think you will be able to word a complaint? Truly the hell hole hospital need to be made to account for what they did. Of course they’ll have their excuses. But you have the right to formally complain and get the hospitals response (excuses). Then once they’ve responded ie given the final response you can take it to the Ombudsman.

I’m so impressed and proud that you said you’d go to newspaper etc I wanted to do same thing but I was too scared and thought it would backfire on me. So likewise I arranged to have my dad taken home, long story, so guess what…the cruel doctors slapped on an immediate DOL deprivation of liberty! So basically that gives them permission to prevent patient leaving, and they know how to make the patient decline more and then they kill off - all seemingly legitimately, and they’re legally covered. Basically re what happened to my poor ole dad, I am aiming to raise awareness of this murderous practice to the end of my own days. But I have think through how I raise awareness.

Basically most people are too scared or unsure how to complain. It takes courage to see a complain through. When my own complaint is finished and it will take months, I am going to start a support group for people who have gone through this or want to share their stories (anonymously).

When people are struggling with grief and loss, it often feels too overwhelming to have to write carefully constructed Complaint letters to the NHS.

I did 2 years of nurse training myself in the late 1990s… I gave up because I was depression what I saw. When I spoke out and whistle blowed the NHS and my university came down on me and said honestly “you’ll never get a job because you’re reputation (as a whistleblower) will go with you” …whoah ! I got away from the NHS in 1999 cos I sadly saw the more sinister side then. I know the NHS can be excellent too. But that doesn’t excuse them for the practice of legalised, backdoor euthanasia of our loved ones.

My apologies as ever if my words distress. Thank you for sharing your own account of what happened. Do update as and when you can. It’s heartbreaking. It doesn’t need to be like this. It shouldn’t happen.
Best wishes for now :sunflower::sun_with_face::herb::four_leaf_clover:

3 Likes

P.S. apologies my comments are SO long to read. There’s no hurry to read or reply. Everything for me is so exhausting. My own original Topic on here was:
Hospital won’t let my dad home to die

But of course, had they let him home, he would not have died. Or suffered so torturously.

Best wishes everyone on here :sun_with_face::herb::four_leaf_clover::cherry_blossom::orange_heart:

2 Likes

I am so sorry about your poor dad, our dad was k*lled in 2018 mum died a few months later, we went through police at the time they did nothing, we went to solicitors they would not touch us, we went through the Ombudsman and they did nothing neither did the complaints through the hospital, we even told them about the nurse we found and all the evidence she kept we went through newspaers, tv and no one did nothing, we will never have Justice, we kept our dad in the chapel of rest for a year and mum with him also as we wanted a postmortem in Wales that no one would give us…Everyday my sister and i die over and over as we feel the guilt of not getting him out and watching what they did…they were pure evil and did not give a damn who knew as obviously they have been getting away with it for years and know they have the support…

3 Likes

Oh Caroline, I so feel for you, I don’t know how to word this but I absolutely know and believe exactly what you are saying. No one wants to touch these situations… You’ve validated what I’ve gone through too… My apologies this is just a quick reply. I really thank you for sharing this.
Best wishes for now :sunflower::herb::cherry_blossom:

2 Likes

My ole dad was absolutely right when he said in his hospital trap (bed)
“it’s a conspiracy”. All my visits were surveillanced too.

1 Like

Hello @Flower_garden , just to say I agree with you re the clapping :tulip::herb::seedling:

2 Likes

@caroline0711 your story reads more or less like mine. My dad ended up in hospital & they told us how well he was doing & were looking at discharge. It never happened. Constantly fobbed off & given differing accounts by staff. Communication was non existent. They kept trying to attach the ‘dementia’ label to him even though I insisted it was hospital delirium that made him confused. In the end I made demands, insisting he went home. It was all organised but it came too late. He died 5 days later. The things I saw in hospital during my visits has filled me with unease & suspicion. The lies I was told by staff has shaken my faith in human nature. I can totally empathise with you about the hospital environment. It wasn’t fit for purpose.

2 Likes

This is just a very quick message to say I’ll update soon. I’ve not felt able to comment on here for a good while. I haven’t forgotten everyone. I will update very soon. Things remain difficult, and compounded by other difficult things. Take care for now everyone x :yellow_heart:

Same experience, shocking.

1 Like

My experience with our local hospital is exactly the same … absolutely dreadful. It broke my heart to see my husband, and other patients treated with such indifference.
Like you @Lonely and other people, I spent as much time as possible there. One Sunday morning I arrived to see my husband sitting stooped over in a chair, hospital gown falling off and trying not to urinate on the floor; he had been calling for help - joke!! I rushed out to find a nurse, only a carer was around who made it clear that her sausage sandwich was more important. After searching around a lot more, I eventually found a male trainee nurse who attended to Richard, washed him and put his pjs on and back in bed. A real saviour who was rare! Many awful instances of downright neglect and so I got him out of there as soon as I could. I had a hospital bed at home and arranged private carers to help me in the mornings. His mobility had become worse because he hadn’t been out of bed and given help walking with his walking aid. He was at home for 16 weeks and then he needed the sort of care only a nursing home/hospice can give. It broke my heart when he went but I stayed with him a lot of the time. He died in my arms three weeks later.
During his time at home, we were let down very badly by district nurses and I had to do so many things I was not trained to do but managed somehow. We did eventually have home support from our local hospice nurses who were fantastic.
There is a lot more to my poor experience of the NHS; his oncologist missing that he had advanced prostate cancer, although he was having regular scans and blood tests for pelvic bone cancer, following the removal of a cancerous kidney. Richard saw another consultant privately because of ‘waterworks’ problems and he found the prostate cancer. If this had been detected years ago, as it should have been, so many awful side affects could have been prevented, as it was, any treatment was too late. What I saw happen to my husband’s body sent me to hell and back. Apart from pain and discomfort with a catheter, etc., he lost all dignity. I know that so many of you lovely people will identify with me how awful that is.
I am having counselling, and my counsellor says that, apart from the awfulness of losing my husband and getting used to my vile new life, I am suffering with suppressed trauma of living throughout the last few years.
Although we have to soldier on with our lives, awful memories will stay with us of how our precious loved one passed away.
Love to everyone. xx

5 Likes

@Lonely and @Rome18 I agree with you both about the hospitals. I saw the same thing especially about the meals being left for people who couldn’t feed themselves and then taken away again. Those people hadn’t eaten a morsel of food. It’s just so sad that it has come this.x

3 Likes

Dear everyone,
I’m just saying hello just so that I don’t just disappear for ages. Currently I’m still in a bad way. Won’t type loads but it’s bad entrenched grief… complicated…so one day I’ll update more when I’m strong enough to type it all here. Everyone’s words here made me feel less alone with my experience. I am thinking of you all. I know my own grief has gone complicated and I’m still crying almost everyday and have developed anxiety and depression bad as a result of losing both my dad and mum 2 months apart. I’m re-living a year ago when things were going fine (under the circumstances of their old age and mobility issues) and their was no reason for their decline and death as they did - I’m not coming to terms with things … anyway I just thought I’d check in. Best wishes :sun_with_face: everyone and Big thoughts x

1 Like