It’s been 24 weeks since Clive died and I can relate to all the messages and rants. The garden flooded and came very close to the house, the dishwasher blew up, the kettle packed up and I had a leak under the sink. We would have dealt with these together but now it’s all up to me. I’ve had to get family or tradesmen to help and of course then it’s the cost to get someone in. It’s tough and lonely.
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It’s so sad to read about all the lost loved ones, and how us left alone are coping through the days, it does amaze me though just how far I have come, although it’s only 17 and a half weeks since my husband died, I am getting through each day as best I can because that’s what I promised him.
I never thought I’d be without my darling Chris quite so soon, as you get older you know that one day it will happen too one of us, but not yet, we still hoped for a good few more years together, instead I’m left to cope alone.
I’ve found it hard not having Chris there to run things by, just to double check it’s right, having to make all the decisions, no one to bounce off.
I just don’t feel quite as confident as I used to be, I do put on the brave front I think most of us do when dealing with people, but inside, I’m not brave, my heart has crumbled into tiny fragments of what it used to be, and the pain lingers deep within, but tomorrow, I will put on my brave front again and crawl through another day without my hunny by me side.
This site helps us all pull together, we can chat, rant, moan, or cry, maybe even laugh,
someone is listening, understanding, and also feeling the same, thank you bereavement buddies.
Hugs Chrissy3
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I lost my partner Karen on the 2/12/2020. People get on nerves saying you’ve got to move on on your not alone. Oh yes you are wait till it’s there turn they will have a shock there is no rush for anything I think of Karen every day you never ever get over it but we have to carry on I got myself a rescue cat so I don’t come home to a empty house he is called Dave and is a indoor cat not allowed outside because of his illness fiv take no notice what people say I don’t. I’ve not had one visitor since Karen passed all her friends and mine don’t speak when I see them in the street but post comments on Facebook
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Dear Thebeatles2008
One of my brother-in-laws lives his life through Facebook, Posted when my husband died. Still need to thank him because I got inundated with scammers as a result. If they have time to go on Facebook and post loads of pictures and a narrative why can they not pick up the phone and stay in touch with me or check in on our kids. My other brother-in-law very supportive as is one of my husband’s best friends - they both stay in weekly contact along with my best friend. My husband always used to tease me that I only had a small group of friends when he had loads - wonder where they are now because they are noticeable by their absence.
I did have a dog but he died a few years before my husband. It broke my heart so together with that and the loss of husband I know I could not stand to be hurt again.
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I totally agree…with all you have said …it will be a year January stephen passed away with COVID-19…and its getting worse again …but everything we have to do on our own now …its so hard people are kind and wont to be there .but its just not the same .and this journey of grief is so lonely 
x
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Oh Karen you are so so right it’s not that easy is it. People try to be kind and helpful but most of them haven’t been in our shoes and until then how could you possibly know the absolute grief and the consequences we feel and things we go through. Death is the hardest thing we can ever face as it’s so final and a vast array of different opinion of what happens after death - are they still with us kind of thing. Even the world still carrying on seems wrong! I say keep talking to them as though they are here and to others too and if they say you have to move on just know they have absolutely no idea. Take care of yourself. Poppy
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it’ll be a year on 07/12/2021 for me I’m dreading xmas we always did our Xmas shopping together the other day I went to a shopping store and they were playing xmas songs I nearly cried and wanted to run out it was awful that’s when it hit me no more xmas shopping together no more choosing gifts for the family and friends we always did the shopping together we did it for 30 years together like you say everyone says you’ll be fine but I’m not fine i want him back to do the things we did together shopping going on holiday decisions decorating together i don’t want to do it on my own but I have to we have to i have family but they’re busy they work they think I’m coping but I’m not inside I’m broken but to them I’m fine because that’s what I tell them and that what I show them sending hugs to you all x
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Hi Lorra5
I lost my wife of 50 years on Christmas Day last year and I miss her so much and like you, we did all the things together. I am facing up to my demons one at a time, visiting favourite garden centres, shopping malls, restaurants etc the list goes on.
Stop telling your family and friends that you are fine. Tell them that you have lost the one you love and it hurts like hell. Tell them that they will never understand until it happens to them. Let them think about it and tell them you cry for him because you loved him and that doesn’t stop because he has passed.
I don’t cry so much now but then, wham, a soppy movie and then the floodgates open for no reason. When I talk to my family I both laugh and cry at times and I have told them that’s what happens when you lose the one you love and nothing will stop that for me.
You don’t have to be brave all the time just tell people that you hurt.
There is a good advert on the radio just now for Malteeser Mums when the main mother is telling her friend that she is coping well with the newborn, while inwardly having a really bad time. The friend says you are lucky I had a really bad time after the birth. Moral is everyone puts on a brave face sometime but it is not always necessary, so show your true feelings and let them deal with it and support you.
Take care. Gordon
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thank you Gordon for your kind words so sorry for the loss of your beloved wife I go to our favourite places with my sister but it’s not the same it’s not him I’m with I can’t face xmas shopping going into the shops so I’m doing it all online if I hear a xmas song I cry x I can’t let my children know that I’m not coping i 'm not good at showing my feelings i tend to bottle things up i to don’t cry so much but like you when a soppy movie comes on I’m in floods of tears 
you take care to Lorraine
Hi Lorraine,
Tell your children that you miss your husband and nothing is or ever will be the same without him. Tell them how much you loved him and he loved you and there is no shame in showing your"weak side" by crying. God knows I have cried into my son’s arms and more recently into my brother’s arms when we met up in a public park, Don’t know what the other park walkers thought but don’t really care.
Luckily I don’t wear make up so there was no mascara streaks LOL.
Emotions are a devilish thing to control so don’t fight them as you will never win. Christmas for me was becoming my biggest nightmare but as it was Elaine’s favourite time of the year I have made it my challenge to do everything we did together by myself. I am going to get lots of funny looks when I am tear-stained or when I am talking to her about the last time we were in a certain shop and we had a comical moment, like she would press all the musical toys and see the kids reaction when a grown up did something they would get a row for if they did that same thing. My Christmas tree will be going up on 1st December and as I did last year it will stay there until Elaine’s birthday on 9th February and I will be teary eyed when it comes down and boxed on 10th. Yea I know, I’m just a big kid in an old man’s body. Strangely had a teary moment last night watching an old NCIS episode but the release was good and must have been bottling it up for a while.
Lovely sunny day here so just off for a walk in the park with Elaine by my side.
Stay safe. Gordon
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I don’t think I could face putting the xmas tree up it was his favourite time of the year he would have the tree up on the 1st of December every year when he died I couldn’t put the lights on i just looked at it and cried he loved xmas I cried when i took it down we always had the house decorated aswell tinsel around the pictures etc lights in the window can’t face doing that on my own can’t see me doing it not as brave as you with the crying and putting the tree up just come back from a walk it’s the highlight of my day nothing else to do life is so dull now anyway hope you enjoy your walk you stay safe too. Lorraine
Gordon, I think it’s wonderful that you are carrying on with your Christmas tradition, I’m sure your wife would have wanted that. I know I’ll have to put mine up for the kids but the thought of it is very daunting. Ours would go up on the weekend closes to the 27th ( a week after my birthday and our wedding anniversary) and the. Come down the weekend nearest to the 7th of Jan. Steven would be so excited to hear the first Christmas song played on the radio and would start looking for it around now. The photo I have of him on my mantle is of him in his Christmas jumper and paper hat. I look at it and it makes me smile and cry at the same time xx
Don’t think that’s a rant.It’s just an expression of your feelings which I empathise with.I am in the same position as you.It’s 18 months and just as raw.I have very little interest in anything.I just pass time from getting up to going to bed,just going through the motions.I send you my best wishes.
.
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I’ve been doing all those things - well not going on holiday but getting out, exercise, working, visiting friends.
I was about to say it doesn’t help but that’s not true - it just doesn’t change the situation or how I feel.
It helps me keep my head above water.
Most of the time.
Quite honestly I am quite happy doing things on my own but just don’t get the enjoyment, especially out of the little things my husband and I used to do together.
I fill the calendar with short term plans, can’t think very far ahead.
Just getting through the days.
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Lilyboost,
Brilliant that you have such an amusing photo to brighten your mantle. When Elaine passed I printed off dozens of her photos and they are dotted all around the house, most of them without a proper frame but she is still there smiling at me and in a couple with the thumbs up reassuring me that she is happy where she is and also that I am doing ok by her by getting on with my life. Elaine would always insist that our tree was down by twelfth night but after she passed it was the only bright thing in my life so it stayed up until the day after her birthday. On her birthday I bought a small cake from the local bakers and put in a couple of candles, sang or croaked Happy Birthday and cut two slices and poured two cups of tea. Yea I know I’m nuts, but it was good to celebrate her birthday and have a really good cry. Don’t know how I’ll be on Christmas Day but I’ve been invited to my brother’s and hope that I can get through the day. I’m sure Elaine will be with me in the car on both journeys there and back so the carols will be belting out loud and clear.
Have a laugh and a cry without feeling guilty or soppy. I do both, sometimes at the same time.
Stay safe. Gordon
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Lorraine,
Back from my walk in the park. So good to hear dogs barking, children laughing and playing and fresh air all around. Trees are dropping their leaves and it’s looking like a magic carpet all over the paths.
Get help from your grandsons, I’m sure they would love to help while you tell them stories of how both of you decorated the tree in the past. You must have favourite baubles to hang and a tale or two of where and when you bought them.
Yes it will be hard, especially if they are teenagers but a least one of them will have the same feelings you have and I’m sure he will help.
Sorry not preaching just trying to let you know what I am doing as have a teenage grandson and an 11 year old grand-daughter who don’t know it yet but they will be helping their old papa because he can’t climb up the loft to bring down the tree and decorations.
Stay safe and glad your walk is a highlight of your day so keep it up and enjoy. Gordon
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I’ve just had a walk around the park too, where Sunny and I used to go. I sat on the bench we used to sit on and spoke to him out loud as usual. It’s a lovely day here in the Midlands and a bit of exercise with the sun on my face does definitely lift my mood a little. It doesn’t change the situation or how much I desperately miss him and ache for him, but at least I know I’ve got my heart pumping a bit. Ive also made myself go in the shed and get the hyacinth and daff bulbs out- he loved my flower planting so Ive now planted them and it’ll be something bright and fragrant for the spring.
Love to all x
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Good for you Sophie. Bet Sunny is smiling down at you and your bravery. Takes a lot to do yourself what both of you were used to doing. Walking in the park and talking with Elaine has helped me. When I pass people while talking to Elaine they probably think I’ve got one of those microphones connected to my phone but I don’t really care if they think I’m nuts. I’ts an hour of escape from an empty house and I usually do a mini shop just to spend more time among people. Love the sound of human voices, not quite the same when on the radio or telly.
We all miss our other half but the little things that bring some relief are to be enjoyed. Sunshine and fresh air are great comfort to me as well.
Stay safe. Gordon
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We adopted a Spanish rescue dog in March, had been thinking about it for a while, we saw this particular 10 month old and we agreed to apply. He arrived on the 7th March 2021, I lost my husband on 5 September 2021 and I am absolutely broken but my fur baby forced me to go out and when I do, I enjoy it. I also love the feeling of his presence sleeping on my bed. He is the last big decision we made together but I have developed a totally irrational fear of something happening to the dog. Most of the time I know I’m being stupid but other days I cry all day wondering what I’d do without him. I’ve started to cry writing this
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Hi Vicky,
Crying is good, fear not so good. I still cry but not as much as before. We had dogs in the past but in the recent years we decided not to take on another dog as we were getting older and health not so good. However since Elaine passed last year I have been thinking of adopting a retired greyhound for company. This is still an ongoing argument in my head, vet costs and general dog responsibilities, my health issues, going shopping and leaving the dog alone in a strange environment. All of these issues are holding me back. Don’t let any of these kind of fears get to you. You were brave enough to save a rescue dog and you will have a loyal devoted supporter. Enjoy your dog and forget what might happen we luckily can’t forsee what the future holds for us. Tomorrow I will make my request for a rescue greyhound and be brave like you guys were.
Take care. Gordon
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