Hi Murphy, our last dog was a border collie and was so smart and loveable. Been twenty years since Ben passed but still think lovingly of him and his fun times. Take care, Gordon.
Hi Maigret, so as not to repeat myself I will post an update on Dennis and our progress on a general page, take care and thanks for your thoughts. Gordon
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I too didn’t get to say goodbye to my husband. It was a weds and we’d had a normal day, Alan went to work (we both worked in a sports centre) he collapsed and died. When we got the phone call raced there but were too late. Later found after pm was a heart attack. I haven’t gone back to work as family deemed it unhealthy memories for me, worked there 26 years.
Hi all, apparently I exceeded the number of replies in a session so I will just stick this up and ramble on at length about Dennis and our progress. It has been a short week for a change, days flying in, nights even shorter than before and either good or bad I have had very little time to grieve. At first I felt guilty that I was mostly thinking of Elaine at the end of the day when I said my prayers and was telling her all about what Dennis and I had been up to each day. Then I felt that she would be ok with that as it was helping me get on with my life.
Dennis is kennel name and I should call him that but Denny is what he has been used to but sometime I forget and give him his proper name. He doesn’t seem to mind as he doesn’t answer to either but just stays by my side when we are out, lies by my side on the sofa or lies in his bed in the kitchen when I am cooking, eating or doing the crossword.
We have an arrangement whereby I am treating his insecurity and he is treating my lonelyness. We have been to a couple of different parks and in a secure fenced exercise area I thought that he would have a good run off the lead but he just amble around the perimeter and only broke into a run when I went to the gate to check the slip-bolt. That was when I saw him in all his majesty with his long striding and powerful long legs covering the distance to me in the blink of and eye. Had to overdoes the cuddles at the gate to reassure him I was not leaving him and we were soon best pals again. In the other park it is so spacious that I thought he would want to walk at pace but no he is still a leg hugger and although the lead is about 8 feet long he is never at that distance from me. Loves the car and although a bit cramped he does his best to turn round numerous times before settling and is then disappeared behind the back seat until I reverse into my space at home then he knows where he is and is impatient to get back in the house.
I have shed a few tears with him on the sofa as I don’t know what kind of life he has had before I adopted him but I know that he needs love a lot more than I do. I tend to ramble when I write both on here and on facebook. It helps me to express myself.
When Elaine passed I was devastated and family and relatives advised me to get counselling. However I am a stubborn determined person who always thinks he knows best and did not want someone “messing with my head”. I was only happy writing to anonymous people who had pages on facebook until I found this site. You guys on here are just amazing , everyone with a broken heart and an empty life just like me but trying everything, anything to get through the next day and night. I hope that my inane ramblings amuse and don’t offend anyone. If they do just ignore my next update of Dennis and his adopted dad.
PS Animal lovers please don’t be appalled at my actions with Dennis, it’s twenty years since my last dog passed and it is a whole new experience. Must be like having a very late child born to aging parents, so much out of the habit but have to get up to speed quickly.
Take care and stay safe from this latest form of covid. Gordon
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I resonate with those feelings about the former life Dennis had, I do the same when I touch the massive lump in his tail from a break untreated when he was a baby on the streets of Spain. I get sad and then I hug him and tell him he will always have a full belly, a soft bed, a warm home and more love than he could ever understand. It’s a dark thought but totally honest when I say he is the only reason, him and my rescue parrots, that I’m still here three months into the journey that none of us wanted to make
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Ah Gordon. What can I say. You truly understand. What you did for your lovely Elaine was beautiful. My son and his partner took me to Edinburgh the other week. Although it was lovely and kind of them I felt the loss of Derek even more, he should have been there. We had a meal at The Ivy (not a cheap treat, especially as my son is a nurse) and we asked them to set a place for four, not three, for our beloved husband and father. It is Derek’s birthday on 13th April and we are going to plant a tree. The grief for everyone is still so raw. My eldest granddaughter who is 23 is going to make cushions from his tee shirts (he was very much a tee shirt and jeans man). Your Elaine sounds like she was a wonderful, wonderful woman. Your love for her shines through in everything you write. Take care and stay safe. With lots of (socially distanced) hugs. Jacquie x
Vicky you sound much stronger than you think you are. Looking after yourself takes a lot of courage but add in a rescue dog and a parrot and you have a full hands on family to take care of. Your talking to Zape is just what I am doing with Denny and the love you are telling Zape that you have is so special that the bond and trust must be wonderful. Take care and don’y underestimate yourself, you will get through the tough patches and although there is no magic wand, Zape and the parrot will be a great comfort. I presume you have not taught Zape to talk yet but I imaging the parrot talks for both of them. LOL
Stay safe . Gordon
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Hi Jacquie, Just like your Derek I am a Tshirt and Jeans man now after 56 years tied in a suit and tie. Love the fact you asked for a fourth setting and so pleased that The Ivy agreed with that simple but important gesture. The world is a cruel hard place just now and all the little things you are doing will make it feel a bit better. Planting a tree is wonderful and watching it grow year on year will let you know that Derek is still in your life in memory if not in body. Thank you for your kind words about Elaine. Yes she was a wonderful caring lady and miss her every day. in 2018 Elaine bought a Ginko Biloba tree and it was the weirdest tree I had ever seen but she loved it. It is supposedly one of the oldest type of trees on the planet and it is growing in a large container pot as we have all decking around the back garden. Don’t know what I will do with it when it finally gets too large and roots need more room. Anyway that’s a problem for the future.
Stay safe in this new virus world. Gordon
Hi Sheila,
Just catching up with this thread and your post reminded me of a saying which an old friend of ours used to say (sadly gone now 
).
If you can count your friends on one end then you’re a lucky man. If you can count them on two hands, then you’re a bloody fool.
Hang on to those few friends on your one hand; they’re few and far between.
xx
Good morning Gordon,
I have enjoyed reading about Dennis; thank you so much for sharing. Dogs give us tremendous joy and unconditional love. Greyhounds are the most beautiful and graceful creatures and when they run it really is rather majestic, as you describe it.
I’m so pleased you have him in your life. x
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I’m so sorry to hear what happened to your husband. The same thing happened to mine. He went out for his evening run, collapsed and died. Me and my son went to look for him when he was late returning- we were too late. He was only 50. It happened just up the road - somewhere that I have to walk or drive most days. It was deemed to be sudden death after two PMs. I still can’t comprehend how what started as an ordinary day can become a nightmare that never ends. Sending hugs
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Dear Crazy_Kate
Your/your friend’s words are so spot on. I have shrunk my world for that reason.
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Yes Sheila me too- my world has been shrunk for me without me even trying to be honest. It’s such a cliché but my goodness you really DO find out who your friends are don’t you? Some people just back away hoping you won’t notice, whereas a couple of diamonds 
have shown me their true sparkling value.
I sit in my house alone every night in this city I was only still in for my sweet darling Sunny, who wasv57 and died 6 months ago… So I take myself off for a swim two evenings a week and try to read, watch a bit of TV etc, but good god it’s hard. Does anyone have any tips for how to get through these long dark evenings? Something that fills a good chunk of time? I’m sure I’m not the only one whose mood dips at times. Thank you and love to all
Sophie x
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Completely understand my dog is also the only reason I’m still here she was my husband’s dog when he passed she lost so much weight and was so sad it took her 6 months to start picking up again she still won’t come into our bedroom where she used to sleep in her bed on the floor my husband’s side she goes upstairs just not in our bedroom she deserves all the love I can give her she was only 1 when he passed x
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Dear Sophie, what fills a good chunk of my evenings is phone calls. I don’t like going out at night, only to return to an empty dark house. My husband died in an accident on 29th November last year and I’ve built up a list of people from near and far and call them regularly, or they call me. Thank God for the Internet and Whattsap, Skype, emails and phone. I’ve joined a leisure centre and, like you, go swimming a few times a week. Also reading and listening to/watching stimulating programmes/films/audio books. My husband was an avid reader and the house is full of books. But staying in touch with friends and acquaintances is my preferred activity. So many people live alone, are lonely or housebound and welcome a chat. Maybe you could reconnect with people from your past? They may just be waiting for you to call. Take care xx
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Thanks Rita
Yes its people who matter the most isn’t it and you’re so right that many have their own, sometimes hidden problems, and they need a friend too. I have reconnected properly with a dear friend- we’ve known each other for 37 years and Ive told her how very glad I am that she’s in my life, and she’s said the same about me, which has been lovely to hear when I’ve felt so lacking in worth and purpose at times, since he died.
Love to you
Sophie x
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I’m glad you’ve got a good friend who hopefully will support you. It’s still early days for you and I can well believe you cry a lot. I’m one year in and still cry most days, albeit less than the first six months. It’s such a roller-coaster. It seems like yesterday when Steve I found Steve’s clothes near the sea wall and no trace of him. Swimming in the sea was his great passion. Suddenly I was on my own, no children and all my family abroad. I couldn’t grasp that he wasn’t coming back and felt utter despair, loneliness and anxiety. I had to have a routine to help me through the day. Paperwork and admin in the mornings; walks with friends or alone in the afternoon and phone calls in the evenings. I’m still looking for meaning and a new purpose to my life. Volunteering helps as does being there for others if they need me. But I’m still looking. The pain and the sadness will always be there but l want to live my life to the best of my ability. It’s what Steve would want. He so enjoyed life and would want the same for me. I hope it will get easier for you. Look after yourself! Rita xx
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Dear Sophie26
Apologies for late reply. Meant to have had youngest grandson stay overnight last night only for him to have a medical emergency and have to rush him to A&E.
But you are so right, so many people who I thought I could rely on - family and friends - have just disappeared and only occasionally send token texts which I have come to give sharp responses to. I don’t want to be someone to ‘tick off their list’. And like yourself now only have 2/3 people I can truly rely on outside of our kids.
I have no answer to filling the dark, lonely nights. I tend to sit and read or post on this forum, stare at the space where my husband would be sitting and try to understand how my life has come to this. Our eldest grandson was 2 at the weekend - I remember me and husband going out to the pub to meet our son and have a drink to celebrate never knowing that less than a year later my husband would be gone and I would be living this lonely, miserable, painful existence but for our kids and grandsons who are the only things that keep me afloat.
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i know how you feel i lost my husband only 5 weeks ago after nearly 54 years married and being toger for 56 years but thanks to looby the rescue greyhound we adopted nearly 4 years ago ifeel as if i still had a friend to help me through and get me out she came to his funeral and stayed by my side a great comfort night and day we go out 3 times a day and some one always speaks to you when you have a dog i have friends from the trust we havd her from who come and pick us up as i dont drive to take us on walks i took her to visit my husbands grave yesterday and having her with me never feel alone she is a special lady and is very much my sole mate now feel as if she looks after me all the way dont know what i would without her
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I only adopted Denny on 3rd December and feel the difference he has made to my life. As you say, someone always speaks to you when you have a dog. I was a solo walker all 2021 and now people who couldn’t talk or look at me now go out of their way to say good morning , afternoon or just plain old hi. It makes a big difference when your dog has a rescue history as they want to know the details. Yesterday was my late wife’s 1st anniversary and I was dreading that fateful day. I was up and out early with Denny and kept myself busy until it would have been time for me to start preparing the Christmas dinner. I had been invited to go to my brother’s for dinner and spend the day with his family. I had to phone him and ask if it was alright if I came over early as the emotions were starting to get to me. I loaded up the car with Denny’s bits and bobs and set off. I stopped off halfway to let Denny have a bit of exercise and a toilet break. We had a short walk and our talk as we always do as we walk along. We then had a cuddle and set off again to my brother’s house. The day went well and we finally were home sitting on the sofa listening to Christmas carols until midnight. I sat and stroked Denny’s ears and neck the way I used to relax Elaine and Denny fell asleep just as she did. All was well in the world as the tears rolled down my cheeks. Christmas day was no different from any other day, I miss Elaine 24/7/365 but Denny has helped fill some of the void in my life that I thought no one or nothing ever could…
Take care and enjoy Looby as I am sure she gives you as much love as Denny gives to me. Gordon
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