Ali21
I lost my husband so quickly as well, unfortunately we were unable to have much wanted children so I have for the most part tried to cope on my own.Family and friends have been wonderful in helping me but at the end of the day they have their own lives to lead.I have tried not to be a burden to them and they say not to worry about that but I do.I am trying to sort through all sorts of things my husband has left behind but it gets very emotional when I do.I will try to go to the wedding because I know I must not cut myself off,itās just so hard .
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Hi Sweetie
Iām glad youāre thinking of going to the wedding. We all know it wonāt be easy for you. Iām currently living with relatives. My days are spent with them with other things to think about. Joās never far from my mind but as I say Iāve other things to occupy my thoughts. Itās 7pm now. In a couple of hours Iāll be going to bed. Iāll be alone then and my mind will be totally on her. Not a bad thing but then the tears will come again.
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I have heard some sad news recently about people I know loosing loved ones.All the posts here are very strong reminders that a lot of the world is grieving .When you are the connection is stronger to those who are also.I think it may help me & hopefully them if I try to connect with them in a one to one way although theyāre not close friends,just a sense of what Can I do to give some support.I will make contact ,I might not be able to be much help but I think connectedness is important.
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Sweetie, I understand what youāre going through, I went to a family gathering recently and found it so difficult, I didnāt really feel up to beforehand, but told myself to make the effort because, āsupposedlyā it will be good for me!! I felt a crushing feeling of anxiety while there, but put on an act of enjoying myself, and smiled when I was suppose to etc, I found the small talk excruciating and spent the whole time waiting for what seemed an appropriate time to leave. Iāve now decided not to do that again, and as hard as it sounds if other people donāt understand, then so be it!
I donāt really expect others who havenāt experienced this type of lose to understand how I feel, but I have to prioritize myself for now, that is until I able to face the world again.
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Hallo Chrizzy, I have decided to go to the wedding,I am anxious as I donāt know how I am going to feel one day to the next and I have to be away for 3 days.I am not looking forward to it but as you say I shall put on a brave face and I will get through it but it will be a struggle.Iām getting upset now just thinking about it,I know people think they are helping but they really arenāt.My sister in law is organising a surprise birthday party for my brother in June and I donāt think I can go to it as I too donāt want to be making small talk with people I have nothing in common with.I donāt want to become a recluse but i just want to find some peace without being organised by anyone.I think my family are starting to understand what is going on in my head and my life but until they have experienced anything like this they cannot understand how this has changed everything in my life.
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Hi Chrissy
I am so pleased you have decided to go to the wedding and yes itās gonna be tough but who knows there might be part of the day when you feel a little better. I had my sons wedding to deal with 4 months after I lost my husband and although sad in parts I did enjoy myself. No one understands how we feel and one thing I agree with is that you live your life on your terms. Do what you want when you want - there no hard and fast rules to deal with this grief. But please do not become a recluse. However painful it is there are people out there who care about you and no, they wonāt know your pain until it happens to them. But we wouldnāt wish this on anyone would we ? I had a couple of counselling sessions before my sons wedding just to prepare me and they really helped. Itāll be a year in a couple of weeks since that awful day I lost my John and each day has been a struggle but I made a decision to live my life the best way I could. Iāll never be the same person I was before but hope to get close to it.
Chin up darling
Georgina x
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Hi @Sweetie Iām sorry for your loss. Sometimes itās easier to put your feelings on FB and it can help. You still need help and support after the funeral. Some people donāt understand that and think you can resume life as it was before but you canāt. It can take a long time or forever. If you find people donāt understand how youāre feeling then write on FB what itās doing to you to help them understand your feelings. Good luck Karen x
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Sweetie so sorry I got the names muddled. Of course my message was meant for you and not Chrissy.
Best regards
Georgina
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My grief seems to be getting worse,a feeling of panic keeps taking over and I seem to be in tears more often now.Is this an abnormal reaction and will it reach a high point where it will be easier to bear.Everything is upsetting me now,it has been 4 months now and I am struggling to control my emotions when I go out.I went to the dentist yesterday and broke down when the dentist gave me his condolences.How am I supposed to get to any semblance of normality when Iām like this,can anyone give me any tips on how to cope as I feel I am not coping well.
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Hi Sweetie
What you experiencing is total normal, there is no time scale everyone is different.
The first six months were awful for me especially after the funeral. There is no rhyme or reason to the triggers that can upset you.
Year on, I still cry on occasions.
Be kind to yourself and take one day at a time.
Debbie X X
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Debbie57,thank you for your response,sometimes I think I am going out of my mind.My brother thinks that I need more contact with people,but Iāve told him that it doesnāt matter who Iām with or what Iām doing this great sadness just takes over and I canāt control the feeling.I think I may be trying to fix myself too quickly and I need to find some peace of mind without worrying anyone who would like to fix this for me.
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Hi sweetie
Itās coming up 6 months since my husband died and I have felt worse lately. Went to the doctors on Thursday and he said itās a very long hard journey but at the end of the dark tunnel we will still feel sad at times but will reach acceptance. I just want the old me back but not going to happen quickly. Iām on medication and going to get some grief counselling.
Have to be patient Iām afraid but itās awful isnāt it
Wishing you well xx
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Hi Barbara61,
Iām sorry for your loss as I am for everyone using this forum.I am in such deep and profound grief I am just about coping but lately it seems to be getting worse.It is so hard trying to make people understand how much this has affected me.This loss of my husband has taken me to a whole new level,maybe itās because it was a very intense relationship because he was in the military and we spent time apart so it was special when we had time together.We shared so much together and simply put I just miss him and his little habits,I would give anything to have him back again.
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Get off FB all your information is stored,all your feelings will be manipulated, delete your account, sending you lots of 
and 
Martin
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You describe the way I feel perfectly but I not been able to put it into words, Iām 18 weeks in now and have noticed that a lot of people seem to think I should be getting back to normal! I will never have a normal life again and itās amazing how many people donāt seem to understand just how badly we are affected.
Muldool
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This describes exactly how I feel. I am new to this,
21 days and counting since I unexpectedly lost my husband, in his sleep. I know that everyone will be there and supportive on Wednesday. They will all say that they are here for me. But no-one will call or visit.
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Dear @ValerieT
I am so sorry that you have lost your dear husband, you will be in a state of disbelief and your world, your life suddenly all seems so difficult now. I once said it was like running full pelt down the stairs and suddenly the last stairs are missing.
You are at the beginning of a very difficult journey I think i understand how you feel. I hope you have family and friends who will understand and help you.
At 14 months since I lost half of my heart, I can honestly say Iām not getting though it or over it, I donāt think I ever will. He was just too much to lose.
Doesnāt get easier just gets different.
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Hi Maigret
Iāve just read your post on here and I can honestly say,you have summed it up perfectly,Iām sorry for the loss of your Husband 13 Months ago to Covid-19,since my Beautiful Lucy 
passed away,I am existing Not living,I donāt want to be here, sending you lots of and Martin xx
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Devonguy1966,
I am so sorry for your loss,it is impossible I believe for people who havenāt suffered a loss like this to understand how much it affects every part of your life.The members on this site have put into words so well what it means to lose someone whatever the circumstances.I am only four months into my grief and at the moment it seems to be getting worse,I canāt see the point of me,I donāt want to be here anymore.I am only looking backwards not forwards,he is constantly in my thoughts I donāt have much room for anything else in my head.I have never known such grief and despair which I know I will experience for some time to come.Time will not heal for me I know,I hope I may be able to live with it but how long that will be I donāt know.My only comfort is that it is me that is left and not him because I have had family support but I suspect he would not have had the same from his family and that would upset me.
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Grief is so painful but please everyone be kind to yourself & try to find things that help to reduce your suffering if only for a short while.Our partners would want us to find ways of navigating the future so that we can find some comfort & enjoyment in life even though this may seem impossible right now.We will always carry sadness without them but eventually with small steps we will come to a more peaceful place in our lives.Iām not there yet & it will take a long time but I believe it will happen.
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