I am finding things difficult at the moment,particularly when it comes to meeting people I haven’t met for a while.They offer their condolences and I’m finding it difficult to control my emotions,I’m worried when I go to a wedding in May that I may break down when I am offered condolences there. My sister in law I sense is getting a bit irritated with me and says I should confront it and if I feel overwhelmed I should just tap her arm and she will take me to one side.I get the feeling that people think I should be doing more than I am at the moment.Is what I am feeling normal or am I paranoid.I don’t want to embarrass myself at a wedding of all places.I don’t want anyone to lose patience with me,but I have to do what is best for me at the moment.I think I will swerve a 70th birthday party because it will difficult for me to get there and the thought of making small talk to people I barely know is stressing me out.
Sweetie,
I can relate! I’ve got a 60th birthday in May and I know my family want me to celebrate, but I don’t feel up to it, Martin (my late husband of 6 months) obviously won’t be there, so it feels pointless to me to “pretend” to be happy. Despite knowing Martin would want me to carry on, but at the moment it feels so raw! I’m taking it one day at a time at the moment, some days I feel I can cope, others I don’t.
I hope my family and friends understand if I cancel plans because it’s difficult to know how I’ll feel on any given day. I’m doing the best I can!
Hi Chizzy,I lost my dear husband Kevin in November last year and it is still incredibly raw for me too so I understand only too well how you feel.Yesterday I was very tearful,today I’m not too bad,as you say you don’t know how you are going to feel from one day to the next.You echo all my feelings about attending family events.I am going to see how I feel as the wedding gets nearer and make a decsion on the day but I’m not going to the other celebration for my own peace of mind and I’m afraid my family will have to put up with it.
Hi Sweetie. At things with other people I usually manage to hold it together until someone comes up and cuddles me then the tears come.
Hi peterj,that is it exactly,I’m ok until someone offers their condolences then I’m gone. It’s very difficult to recover your composure once the tears start,so I either change the subject or tell them not to comfort me because I really will lose control.
Thanks for posting, every word is, The whole truth, and nothing but the truth, it explains every part of losing your partner in the exact detail as it is for all of us, the last paragraph especially, but people who haven’t experienced losing there partner would understand it, they may think they do, but we all know that they wouldn’t, but to me it describes how I am feeling exactly to a Tee. Thanks again,
I wonder if anyone on here has had counselling,does it help? several people have suggested it.I can’t really see how it may help me because you can’t change what has happened and only I can move forward to any sort of life.I know some people have found comfort in their faith but I am not religous.At the moment home is my safe space,is that wrong?I am not a recluse or anything like that,I am functioning but I keep feeling I am not meeting the expectations of other people who feel I should be pushing myself more to do or join things.My state of mind is still very fragile as I only lost my darling husband in November,am I making excuses for myself? but I find every day a battle at the moment.
Hi there
I had a couple of counselling sessions as my son was getting married just four months after my husband died suddenly. I wanted to park my grief for just one day and make it his day and not a day for me to spoil. The couple of sessions I had was really good. The counsellor helped me with coping mechanisms like seeing the speeches before hand and how to react to people’s condolences. I personally found the sessions really helpful and although I sobbed through most of them she confirmed what I was feeling was perfectly normal at four months following John’s death. I don’t think it’s for everyone but I can only say it helped speaking with someone completely outside my circle of family and friends. Why not try it ? If it’s not for you don’t go again but to be fair you can’t feel any worse than you do now can you ?
Take your time with this grief. It never goes away but it does become more manageable.
Much love
Georgina
Hi, I’m sorry for you loss, I too lost my soulmate in November and I can relate to everything you have said, especially the bit about homebeing your safe place.
My family and friends keep asking me to go places and to go out socially, they say it will do me good but I have no interest, I just want to be at home surrounded by Petes things. They don’t seem to understand that there is no joy in anything for me.
I have had 2 counselling sessions so far, I don’t know if the are doing me any good, I guess it’s too early to know.
Trouble is nothing can ever make this right, I am 61 on Monday and feel like I’ve had the best part of my life and its so difficult to carry on without my darling.
As you say everyday feels like a battle.
Sending love
Muldool