I am so fed up with people, well meaning of course, telling me what I should be doing. Apparently I should be going out meeting people, making new friends, joining clubs etc . The list is endless.
Apparently they worry I’m becoming a hermit, cutting myself off from the world.
I should be moving on, making a new life for myself.
Apparently it’s what he would have wanted, so they say.
Does nobody understand? I don’t want a life without him. I want to be in the home I shared with him. I can’t be bothered with other people. I don’t want new friends.
Am I being selfish or stupid?
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Hi @Wifey1,
No they don’t understand. Most have absolutely no idea. That’s why this forum has been so helpful to me.
I get really angry when folk say “move on”, “make new friends”, “put yourself out there” etc etc.
Not selfish and not stupid.
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Youre certainly not selfish or stupid. I think people find it easier to say things they believe will be helpful and try and move us out of our grief before we are ready. Rather than truly listen, understand , accept whatever your feelings and mood are and just be beside you.
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No youre not ! I was exactly the same ! And people said all same things ti me ! Join a group, do this or that ! How can you join a group when you are bursting into tears all the time ! I do bit of volunteering which i done for a long time only a couple of hours every month ! Thank god ! So last week went and for first time i burst into tears! It was cos i had seen the guy in his van, on my way out , who used to deliver my husbands prescriptions to us 
flipping heck upset me that did. Brought it all back … xxx
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Yeh its just a cop out if you ask me so they don’t have to do anything ! X
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Join clubs and go see the GP screw my brain up big style and it’s already pretty well screwed up. lol.
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I am with you on this one, the same week I lost my partner people were telling me I’m young and will meet someone else! I just stare at them in disbelief if they felt how we feel, how each breath feels like a struggle maybe they would understand a little. I am starting to hate these people, I have always been so outgoing but my life was around us and without him I’m a shell of the person I once was so how are we meant to step out and do all those things. I try and simply smile and say nothing but inside my language is rather choice 
. Good job we have this wonderful place with those who simply listen and give experienced advice x
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The same week ! Wow ! How tactless !!! No understanding that’s what it is ! As if you thinking about that when you just lost person you love xxx
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@Wifey1 You’re not being either of those things. Ppl should mind their own business. You grieve in your own way in your own time & certainly not to someone else’s schedule. Grief is a trauma & it takes as long as it takes to adapt.
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I feel exactly the same I don’t want to go on without my husband
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Are you having a bad day xx
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Yes I got the same ,join this ,join that ,I did not want to ,just wanted to be alone.It is what he or she wanted ,how on earth do they know that.I agree with everything you have written. Michael x
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Every day is a bad day now.Are we supposed to be thrilled to bits living on our own.We soldier on ,put on a front,smile when we do not mean it.Nobody prepares you for this but then how could they ,it is not until it happens to you that realise how lonely it can be. Michael x
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Yeh theyre all bloody idiots ! How can you join stuff when youre in such a state ? Ignore em all i say and do what you want !!! X
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Oh yeh apparently we are ! We supposed to be thrilled now we havent got our soulmate with us every bloody day !!! Next month in 16th december it will be 362 days without my love … i cant belirve i have coped without him all that time x
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I hate seeing couples holding hands and laughing,I get so jealous of them.I just want my wife back so that I can hold her again. Michael x
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I feel exactly the same. I lost my husband in September and, like all of you, im lost without him. People keep telling me they’re worried about me, but I don’t know what they expect me to do about that. I really hope time does heal.
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I understand people want to help. I wish people would ask me about my husband, that’s all I really want to talk about for now.
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Yes i am missing my cuddles from my husband ! He gave lovely cuddles … xx
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Yep its as if some people are so afraid to talk about them ? What the hell is that all about ? I love yo talk snout him ! He was real, he was my husband for 35 years ! Not gonna forget them are you !!! Xx
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