Yes I understand what you mean about how you feel going back to your house. It sounds like you feel you’re kind of starting the process again because you’ve been away. And now youre dealing with all the reminders.
I think you getting somewhere nice at the cemetery will really help. It will be so lovely to have a special place to go and visit your dad. I can’t wait for the better weather so i can stay a bir longer at my visits. Also you meet so many people who want to chat about it all and it is so nice.
I have actually been a bit wary of some of the comments on this site as I feel they are not helpful and could be very detrimental to vulnerable and recently bereaved people. Although I deeply sympathise, I know this will get better and want you to believe that too. Our dads would want us to get on and live our lives.
That’s how I feel. I lost my mum 8 days ago and I just want my old life back. Where I’d call round for a brew and a biscuit every other day and listen to them putting the world to rights. Now everything has changed forever and I’m just in limbo and despair right now. I don’t know what the future holds anymore
I wanted this for years last parent died 2016. took me to 2023 to push the sentiments aside and really move on so it is a long process and like life, better to go with its demands than fight back.
Nature has its ways? These are greatest losses we naturally endure and they are owed their time.
I lost my dad in Dec 2022, and mum 5 weeks 2 days later.
I completely understand wanting your old life back.
I feel that i haven’t grieved for my dad at all, the weeks between him passing and the funeral was a blur of organising and trying to keep mum going. they were both very elderly 91 and 87, he had parkinsons so his death was not unexpected, we laid him to rest 22nd December, then it was Christmas, new year, then mum died. Mums death was a total shock. No one saw it coming.
I almost feel like i haven’t actually been breathing the last 2 months.
I feel awful for dad’s grief being over looked almost…
We are also now knee deep in clearing a house so something else is filling my breathing space.
Some days I’m okay, no tears and life is just life, these last 3 days have been terrible. Relentlessly weepy (every word makes me feel on the edge of crying) headaches and restless. Nothing seems to sooth me.
My lifestyle before was reasonably healthy, i worked out, slept well and barely drank.
Now i drink way too much and too often, havent worked out sine 1st December and sleep is something other people do. I’ve gained weight and feel like utter crap.
I am so sad for you to hear the loss of both parents basically at the same time. Cannot imagine the pain and shock of this. I hope you have a good support network. Although no one else can take the pain away. It is something we have to navigate ourselves and somehow find a way.
It sounds like you have lost your way with doing ‘life’ at the moment. This is perfectly normal at this stage and what you are going through. Please don’t be too hard on yourself. You are allowed to lose your way for a while as life has been turned upside down. Allow yourself to feel utterly crap, cry it out, be angry. I’m letting the emotions flow when I can as I feel it has to come out. You are grieving your dad but you also have your mum to grieve for so, what was exclusively about your dad is now your mum too. It’s a combined grief but your dad is certainly a massive part of this.
You must be overwhelmed with everything that’s happened and all the practical things you need to sort out. I’ve found it easier to do one task or category per week. The first week was solely allowing myself to give in to the grief and pain. The next week was just about eating healthier so just bought good food. Last week was sorting out the finances with dad and the coming week I’m going to start on the garden ready for mums memorial gathering in summer. It’s not easy but I’m forcing myself to do these things. Even if I just manage an hour each day. I’ve also made myself go swimming every morning whilst I’m off work. I have my bag ready so I just literally get up, dressed, grab my bag and go. I don’t even have a wash, just go. It makes me get out of bed.
Yesterday we had mums cremation but as it’s direct we couldn’t attend. I’d planned my day to go up in the hills for a hike. I was thinking of mum the whole time but felt like I was free of the gut wrenching grief that I have got used to. I think being away from my usual environment really helped.
Maybe try a goal for each week. If you used to go to the gym maybe try and do that and just allow yourself that hour to absorb yourself in your workout. The main thing is not to put pressure on yourself I find. Setting small goals has helped my mind be a bit more forward thinking. It was surprisingly not too bad yesterday. I still cried as I do everyday, but it wasn’t as painful as some days have been. I have woken up today feeling more positive although still devastated and thinking of nothing but mum. I know it will come out though, later today. It’s like I can only go a short time without the pain becoming agonising and I end up wailing, being horrible to my husband and just ready to curl up and die myself. I give in to it, am like that for an hour or two and then feel better afterwards. I suppose we get used to our own grieving process.
Stay in touch on here as this forum has really helped me as you are definitely not alone. We are going through this process together. Take care of yourself. Helen xx
I said to my husband on friday i just want one day to be totally alone, with nothing to to do except grieve, cry, scream and wallow. I havent had a single day to myself since dad died and now I’m back at work (I had minimal time off after dad, but 3 weeks after mum)
I’m the baby of 7 siblings, my oldest brother shut down and didn’t even attend either funeral, and most of the sorting has fallen to 4 of us. There was a big age gap between me and the next one up, so by the time is was about 4 everyone has left home and i was raised almost as an only child. As i was so heavily involved with my parents medical care and live so close i was the one that had the news dad had died (he was in hospital) and had to tell my mum and both times i had to tell all my brothers and sisters the awful news.
They lived in a rented house so literally 2 days after mum passed we had started sorting the house. We have until 23rd March to hand it back.
Yesterday we did their wardrobes and clothing, there is so much i can’t bare to part with.
I’m dreading handing the house back as its then final.
I managed to meal prep for my lunches last week, but evening was out of control.
I’ll set that as my goal this week, but i think i might book a days annual leave to just be alone.
These forums have become my lifeline to be honest.
I feel that i dont need to be guarded about how i feel and its nice (wrong word) to know that all this we are going through is ‘normal’
x
I totally understand how you feel, even a year on from losing Mum, I feel like you, just wanting to be alone for a time when you don’t have to put on a “brave face”. It’s hard to explain why but a days holiday from work sounds like a solution for you.
