Feel like I'm drowning in grief

Hi I’m new here, on 12 March 17 my world came to an end when my soul mate and partner died very suddenly. She was absolutely fine in the morning, doing jobs and bustling round looking after me as I’d broken my ankle. She sat down with me and looked at the paper deciding what we were going to watch on tv later. Then she had a drink all normal, said she wa going to mop the floor next. Then she said she felt hot, took her jumper off and said she thought she was dying, I told her don’t be daft your fine just get your breath, then she grabbed my hand and said I’m going,and fell into my arms. One minute she was looking panic at me the next gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get here then drove past, I was trying to do chest compressions but didn’t know what I was doing as only seen it on tv. I still can’t Belive she’s gone, I’m totally alone except for our dog and cat, I met her when I was 16, iv never looked at anyone else.

I just need help to carry on, if wasn’t for our pets I wouldn’t bother but they have no one else.

My life’s over, I can’t eat or sleep.

How do you carry on after this

Jackie

1 Like

Hello Jac
I’m so sorry for your loss I really feel the pain you are going through but just take one step at a time
I lost my partner on March 17th having spent 3 days in hospital he had bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had it was a total shock as he was fine 4days earlier I too find it hard to believe he is gone and feel like my life is not worth living anymore I v cried everyday since he passed and I will tell you it doesn’t feel like it’s getting easier I hardly eat and my sleep pattern is terrible have you considered counselling it’s something I was reluctant to do but I have agreed to it I’m not sure if it will help as I’m still waiting for my first session
Just remember to be kind to yourself
And take one step hour day at a time
Take care
Linsey

1 Like

Hi Lynsey, thanks for replying, this is a living hell. We were together all the time, lived and worked together, been together 36 years. I feel so alone, people say it gets better but how can it. Your in shock like I am, one minute we were in our normal mundane beautiful lives and the next everything ended, I feel like I died the second she did. I hate having to go out but hate being here alone, there is no peace anywhere now, I’ll never feel safe again. I have asked the dr about councilling just to have someone to talk to, but the only place that offers it has a 3 months waiting list.

I don’t know if I’ll get through this but hope talking on here will help

Take care

Jac

Hi jac
So sorry for your loss, hope by speaking on here you will get some help. Have you tried a bereavement charity for councelling just a thought as the waiting lists are often shorter or even a bereavement help line until the councelling kicks in. Take care

Thanks weave, I now on anti depressants, didn’t want to go there but just need help sleeping and eating. My life has fallen apart, shirls daughter has completely turned on me, she was always jealous of us,and bullied her mum because of our relationship, because she registered death and we weren’t legally married she is counted as next if kin. Her final punishment to me and Shirl is to say I can’t be buried in the grave Shirl paid for for both of us. I trying to ignore this, I know Shirl not in the grave and I know she would say it doesn’t matter. I also know that daughter will rot in hell and never have any peace. I just got to rise above it x

I have considered them myself no shame in them to just have a level of functioning, that must be very hard for you but you no the truth of your relationship and that’s what matters no one can take away what you had x

I lost my mum on the 20th of April I be been told it gets easier I miss my mum so much as I lived with my mum all of my life I wish my mum was here one last time how do you get on with grieving im fine one day and then I just start crying like it comes in waves when my mum died I didn’t know where to start it was like ive got to live my life now I thought to myself I don’t want to be here now my mum as gone I don’t know why I said that as ive got a amazing family and friends here

Hi. This is also my fist time on here. I’ve always considered myself very tuff. But on the 20th of April this year that all changed when my partner my soalmate passed away through complications of pancreatic cancer.

We were on holiday in Sri Lanka and it became clear he was taking a turn for the worse we got back on the Sunday and on the Thursday at 05:27 he died.

Because we were not married etc I only got the minimum 3 days off work.

The pain I have been through is indescribable screaming at night not sleeping etc is like being tortured from the inside of my head .

He was expecting to live another year so we were shocked when he went down in just 3 days really.

I at least had some warning that it might happen I can only imagine your added pain and feel for you.

I loved my dogs when I had them take comfort in them.
Loved them and try as much as is possible to transfer some of that live you have lost.

All the best
Roy

Hi Roy, I’m so sorry for your loss, it is absolute hell, and doesn’t seem to get any better, in fact I feel I’m getting worse. How you coped with only 3 days off work, that’s just cruel, I wake up everyday in complete panic and the thought of the next 20, 30 years like this scares me to death. Our lives were not supposed to be like,this. I hope you have some support off friends or family. Take care xx

Hi Jac, I can completely identify with your pain. I lost my soulmate a year ago and the pain is still unbearable. She was my world, my reason for living. Went to work as normal and dropped dead. We also were unmarried and sadly had no wills in place. Her family, who hadn’t spoken to us for 15 years, waded in and took all the money she had saved toward our retirement. They also wanted half the value of the house but fortunately we had provision for that. I didn’t think I was capable of hate, but I hate them for belittling what we had. So, I wrote them a letter. No holds barred, telling them exactly what I think of them. It is sealed, and I have instructed my family to send it upon my passing. If I can find my way to forgiving their behaviour before then I will destroy it. I can’t tell you how liberating it was to write down my feelings.
Hang on in there. Each day that passes is a day closer to being reunited.

Hi Jac
I am so sorry for your loss of your partner / Soulmate. I really do know how you are feeling. I also lost my partner/ Soulmate on 7th May so suddenly he was just 58. We had been at the football match during the day, then out with friends in the evening. We had just returned from a lovely week break in Spain. I found him on the floor in the morning and tried desperately to give him chest compression s, but it was too late. Like you say your world stops you can’t see anything worth living for. When you love some one so deeply. The pain is so much harder to bear. We ran a business together, lived and socialised done everything together. This is the most heartbreaking painful time we are going through. I’m sure like me you can see no light out of this awful darkness. How do we even begin to cope. From a happy couple to be completely alone. We just have to try and take one day at a time. Take care Jac x