Feel like I'm drowning in grief

Hi I’m new here, on 12 March 17 my world came to an end when my soul mate and partner died very suddenly. She was absolutely fine in the morning, doing jobs and bustling round looking after me as I’d broken my ankle. She sat down with me and looked at the paper deciding what we were going to watch on tv later. Then she had a drink all normal, said she wa going to mop the floor next. Then she said she felt hot, took her jumper off and said she thought she was dying, I told her don’t be daft your fine just get your breath, then she grabbed my hand and said I’m going,and fell into my arms. One minute she was looking panic at me the next gone. The ambulance took 40 mins to get here then drove past, I was trying to do chest compressions but didn’t know what I was doing as only seen it on tv. I still can’t Belive she’s gone, I’m totally alone except for our dog and cat, I met her when I was 16, iv never looked at anyone else.

I just need help to carry on, if wasn’t for our pets I wouldn’t bother but they have no one else.

My life’s over, I can’t eat or sleep.

How do you carry on after this

Jackie

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Hello Jac
I’m so sorry for your loss I really feel the pain you are going through but just take one step at a time
I lost my partner on March 17th having spent 3 days in hospital he had bacterial meningitis caused by an ear infection he had it was a total shock as he was fine 4days earlier I too find it hard to believe he is gone and feel like my life is not worth living anymore I v cried everyday since he passed and I will tell you it doesn’t feel like it’s getting easier I hardly eat and my sleep pattern is terrible have you considered counselling it’s something I was reluctant to do but I have agreed to it I’m not sure if it will help as I’m still waiting for my first session
Just remember to be kind to yourself
And take one step hour day at a time
Take care
Linsey

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Hi Lynsey, thanks for replying, this is a living hell. We were together all the time, lived and worked together, been together 36 years. I feel so alone, people say it gets better but how can it. Your in shock like I am, one minute we were in our normal mundane beautiful lives and the next everything ended, I feel like I died the second she did. I hate having to go out but hate being here alone, there is no peace anywhere now, I’ll never feel safe again. I have asked the dr about councilling just to have someone to talk to, but the only place that offers it has a 3 months waiting list.

I don’t know if I’ll get through this but hope talking on here will help

Take care

Jac

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Hi jac
So sorry for your loss, hope by speaking on here you will get some help. Have you tried a bereavement charity for councelling just a thought as the waiting lists are often shorter or even a bereavement help line until the councelling kicks in. Take care

Thanks weave, I now on anti depressants, didn’t want to go there but just need help sleeping and eating. My life has fallen apart, shirls daughter has completely turned on me, she was always jealous of us,and bullied her mum because of our relationship, because she registered death and we weren’t legally married she is counted as next if kin. Her final punishment to me and Shirl is to say I can’t be buried in the grave Shirl paid for for both of us. I trying to ignore this, I know Shirl not in the grave and I know she would say it doesn’t matter. I also know that daughter will rot in hell and never have any peace. I just got to rise above it x

I have considered them myself no shame in them to just have a level of functioning, that must be very hard for you but you no the truth of your relationship and that’s what matters no one can take away what you had x

I lost my mum on the 20th of April I be been told it gets easier I miss my mum so much as I lived with my mum all of my life I wish my mum was here one last time how do you get on with grieving im fine one day and then I just start crying like it comes in waves when my mum died I didn’t know where to start it was like ive got to live my life now I thought to myself I don’t want to be here now my mum as gone I don’t know why I said that as ive got a amazing family and friends here

Hi. This is also my fist time on here. I’ve always considered myself very tuff. But on the 20th of April this year that all changed when my partner my soalmate passed away through complications of pancreatic cancer.

We were on holiday in Sri Lanka and it became clear he was taking a turn for the worse we got back on the Sunday and on the Thursday at 05:27 he died.

Because we were not married etc I only got the minimum 3 days off work.

The pain I have been through is indescribable screaming at night not sleeping etc is like being tortured from the inside of my head .

He was expecting to live another year so we were shocked when he went down in just 3 days really.

I at least had some warning that it might happen I can only imagine your added pain and feel for you.

I loved my dogs when I had them take comfort in them.
Loved them and try as much as is possible to transfer some of that live you have lost.

All the best
Roy

Hi Roy, I’m so sorry for your loss, it is absolute hell, and doesn’t seem to get any better, in fact I feel I’m getting worse. How you coped with only 3 days off work, that’s just cruel, I wake up everyday in complete panic and the thought of the next 20, 30 years like this scares me to death. Our lives were not supposed to be like,this. I hope you have some support off friends or family. Take care xx

Hi Jac, I can completely identify with your pain. I lost my soulmate a year ago and the pain is still unbearable. She was my world, my reason for living. Went to work as normal and dropped dead. We also were unmarried and sadly had no wills in place. Her family, who hadn’t spoken to us for 15 years, waded in and took all the money she had saved toward our retirement. They also wanted half the value of the house but fortunately we had provision for that. I didn’t think I was capable of hate, but I hate them for belittling what we had. So, I wrote them a letter. No holds barred, telling them exactly what I think of them. It is sealed, and I have instructed my family to send it upon my passing. If I can find my way to forgiving their behaviour before then I will destroy it. I can’t tell you how liberating it was to write down my feelings.
Hang on in there. Each day that passes is a day closer to being reunited.

Hi Jac
I am so sorry for your loss of your partner / Soulmate. I really do know how you are feeling. I also lost my partner/ Soulmate on 7th May so suddenly he was just 58. We had been at the football match during the day, then out with friends in the evening. We had just returned from a lovely week break in Spain. I found him on the floor in the morning and tried desperately to give him chest compression s, but it was too late. Like you say your world stops you can’t see anything worth living for. When you love some one so deeply. The pain is so much harder to bear. We ran a business together, lived and socialised done everything together. This is the most heartbreaking painful time we are going through. I’m sure like me you can see no light out of this awful darkness. How do we even begin to cope. From a happy couple to be completely alone. We just have to try and take one day at a time. Take care Jac x

Hi Iv only just lost my partner on 7th Dec I came downstairs & was just sat in the sofa his cuppa at the side of him & his glasses on to read his phone which was at the side of him he just looked asleep he,d bin dead for a few hours & now am Empty the sadness is overwhelming Christmas Day Boxing Day worse days ever 17 years we were together we lost our dog after 15 years in jan now him I just carnt Cole my family are amazing & around me all the time but just took myself off last nite to b on my own & cried all nite thn thy came bk as 3 of thm are staying with with me but nothing is making anything any better his funeral is in the 5th of jan carnt even Imagin how I will be just don’t no wot to do.

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Hi @Zico I am in despair myself today (like most days in this new nightmare that is now my life), my husband died 9 weeks ago suddenly so I wish I could tell you it gets better but for me so far not. I cannot accept it and I also do not know what to do with myself. I am also familiar with the feeling of being alone with people and without them. Because you only want your one person and nothing else can fill that gap.

My advice is to go and cry when you need to (I had never realised before it was possible to howl crying whilst brushing my teeth until recent months). Do whatever you feel like doing to get through the minutes, try to keep your body going as best as possible was advice I am given too (eat, rest even if you can’t sleep) . Try not to think to much into the future (this is what they mean by “one day at a time”) as we can’t think straight and it just induces total panic. I am going hour to hour, crying if I feel like it. Going to bed early and getting up late. Take care and I am very sorry you had cause to come and join our sad club.

I am so sorry for all your pain & loss.
I myself lost my wife in July to Metastatic Breast Cancer that had spread to the bones and later to the Liver age 51 & had been married 23 years.
She was not only my wife but my best friend my soul mate we have a 14 year old Daughter who should have her Mum.
We miss her every second of every day.
I feel empty & very lonely the house feels so quiet with out her.
Every day I feel my stomach like being in knots I have her ashes in a casket with special photos on I day morning & in the evening night night I talk to her all the time it is such a struggle with her not being here with us.
I feel angry with the world & I feel guilty that I could not take the awful disease Cancer away from her.
Then 12 hours later I got a call to say Dad had passed away.
I feel I must have done something terrible for this to happen to us.
Take care all & stay safe. :sleepy::broken_heart:

Thankyou fleurdelis & geoff for your reply’s I can relate to everything you are saying & the knots in my stomach are unbearable we had to write our eulogy today for the funeral on the 5th & I sat alone after my daughter sent it to me as she is dealing with everything & just Sobbed untill I couldn’t breath, which I feel most of the time now just don’t feel it’s real keep thinking he’s goner walk through the door & come in from work, but thn that wave of realisation hits me that he’s not thankyou again for your reply’s id like to say it helps but nothing seems to at the min my lovley friend & neighbour keeps saying 10mins at a time & she’s rite no 10mins feel the same just glad Christmas Day & Boxing Day are over just Gota get through the new year take care also to you both & thankyou. :cry::broken_heart:

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I am so sorry for your loss I have a mother in law who I hate when I approached her after my wife’s funeral & said to her I hope that was ok she just shot me down my wife did not really get on well with her she used to come round when my wife was ill & say things like Tanya my wife is going to go into a morphine coma.
I tried to build bridges but I gave up after she blamed me for everything I loved my wife & will continue to as I miss her so much the house is cold & very lonely with out her.:broken_heart:

Am so sorry to hear that Geoff how people family’s just turn on each other whn thy are suppose to be helpful & supportive but hay this is NOT a perfect world far from it I had my partners farther turn on me when all I’d done was cook meals for him everyday whn my partners mum died shouldn’t have bin her or my gorgeous lovley Pete & he is still alive we’re do I begin with this & him ??I just don’t no I just no the wrong person is still alive & how bad am I to think that but my Pete had so much to live for & all his dads does & has done is sit in the sofa for last 40 years & think about himself am so angry as whn I went round the day he died as it’s was I thort was the rite thing to do is go tell his dad in person that his only son had died his response was WOT about me wot do I do now !!! I just found myself laughing hysterically & had to leave the house I hate that my partner is dead & he’s still alive, how bad am I ??? & teatime is the worse time for me as I just cry & cry & cry it’s unbearable :cry::cry::broken_heart:

@Zico your reaction sounds reasonable to me. It is unfair.

@Geoffs I can’t imagine how it must be for you… it sounds unreal and I’m sorry its not…

I just had a problem come up and absentmindedly rushed to get my phone for help. Then realised I was about to call my husband and no one else will do. This is so hard being without them.

How are you doing today?

I am about normal really thanks I try to take 1 day at a time but those days are really hard emotionally.
I get better days not good days & really bad days.
It is horrible as I used to get Tanya’s option on everything & not being able to do that breaks my heart.

Take care & be safe.

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We had my petes funeral yesterday it was a lovley send off for but with Covid we’re only allowed 30 people thr but as drove up thr were people lining the paths leading up I was told as a didn’t see as I was to hysterically crying the hole time still feel really emotional today but thy say after the funeral you some sort it closure,WHEH ?? & I did the same this morning needed something to be done that only he could do just said same to my daughter in law who stayed with me last nite & my son, I said I don’t no how to do this but Pete would have done straight way, il now have to start learning things myself take care to you both… :cry::broken_heart:

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