Hi, Since losing my beloved wife of 41yrs on the 4th Sept 2021, since then I have lost all interest in everything. I keep asking myself how can I continue living without her. She was my world and without her life is meaningless to me. I keep being told that “I have to be strong for them”, but they are grown up with a family of their own, my world ended the day my wife passed.
I have lots of kind friends and family who are always keeping in touch, making sure I am OK and although I am very grateful for their concern for me, I keep getting invited round to have a chat and I feel like I am pulled in all directions, I feel totally overwhelmed and feel that I am an ungrateful pr*#k which just intensifies my hatred for myself.
My depression has gotten worse, I just don’t want to go on feeling like this. Every night I go to sleep I hope I never wake up, so that I can be with the woman I met 45yrs ago and fell madly in love with
You are not alone, many of us posting here are going through a similar experience, intense, frightening & so very very difficult. There is no right or wrong way to get through the days ahead. Aren’t we lucky to have found such big love, to have been in love & to be loved in return, some of us for most of our adult lives. It’s such a different landscape now, this ‘alone’ thing thrust upon us, our other half gone leaving us feeling our world has ended.
It’s horrible and it’s early days for you. We have all felt like we don’t want to wake up. Sleep is the only time we get some sort of respite and times passes more quickly that when awake. What I have realised more over the months that have gone by (7 months for me) is that my children, although adult, would be devastated to loose anyone else and that if there was one thing that my husband would want me to do, it’s make sure that they are alright. It’s about the only thing I can do for him now. Keep taking it one breath at a time and keep posting, people here will be supportive and will understand without judgement.
The only reason I keep going is for our three boys, they would be devastated to lose their Mum too, I couldn’t do that to them, I can see in their faces the pain they are in losing their Dad. At times I’ve had very dark thoughts and have to telephone the Samaritans as I selfishly really couldn’t go on with life without my Marti. It’s the most unbearable, painful thing to go through losing our loved one.
Hello Chris, I know that nothing you are going to hear will lessen your pain… I’m so sorry. It’s been a little more than a year since my bereavement and life still seems pretty dull and it still breaks my heart thinking about my loss. You can only take one day a time and build up a new routine gradually.
I am too old to build a new routine,I am 76 and quite set in my ways,I used to have a dear wife to guide along the way but now she is gone and I am so alone and unhappy.Cancer destroyed her and me.It is such an evil thing,it eats people away and then destroys them and all around them.Why do all the nice people get taken,she never smoked,hardly drank,ate well ,loved walking and messing around in the garden,not over weight either and very fit.I know we are not alone on this forum and it is nice to receive comforting messages but it still remains we are all in this terrible ordeal of losing the one we loved most in the world.Michael.
Hi Chris. I feel exactly the same. My world ended when my husband died on the 11th of August. We were everything to each other. True soulmates. People don’t get it. They say things like “ you’ve got your children and grandchildren to live for” . Of course I love my kids and grandchildren but they have their lives and their lives carry on. Mine has ended. He was my best friend. I don’t want to live without him. Please know that on here we all understand and feel the same. It’s a good place to rant. Xxx
Hi Jen, I know how you feel, it’s like living in a nightmare doesn’t it. People say think of the good times, the happy times you had or did together, but every time I do, it just brings it back home, I won’t be able to do those things with her again and so I fall deeper into my dark mind. I honestly don’t know how long I can hold out. I feel guilty if I laugh or smile or if I’m enjoying something. This webpage does help as we all are or have experienced this feeling of a part of me died the day that my darling wife was so cruelly from that b@st@rd cancer.
We all understand completely Chris. It’s nearly 9 months since my heart was completely ripped out of my chest (or that’s how it felt) when my darling husband died. I go through the motions of daily life, I talk to people, smile, and yes, even laugh, but I feel like I’m looking down on myself from somewhere else and I feel like it isn’t actually happening to me. I talk to Ian all the time in my head. I don’t feel quite as bad now as I did, but it’s so hard.
All we can do is take an hour at a time and be thankful that we have known them and have known true love
Jenw oh gosh I feel your pain, I lost my son ,he was my reason for living ,he was a lovely kind soul and I only ever wanted to see him happy but he struggled so often with poor mental health as I do. I don’t see any point for going on either. We have to though , suicide just leaves the people we love behind with even more pain than we are in. I know we feel the Pain could not be any worse than what we are in now and that everyone would get on just fine without us but that is not the case. Please if you are really feeling that bad call the Samaritans or a family member, just get through another hour another day it will get better , I am hanging on by my finger nails too, believe me. Xx
Whatever anyone says it likely may not change the
Pain you are feeling rjght now but by talking to somone it may change what you do about it and help get you to tommorrow and that may bring a different view. I can tell you I have taken advice like Jss suggests and it has got me through. A few times when i had really really bad panic attacks I went to A and E and just sat that until daylight. Njght times are so much worse. I could have got more help there and then if i had wanted but it was enough until morning when I could access other things. You and I are similar age. Please message me if it would help. X
@JenW, we have just contacted you by email. It sounds like things are feeling all too much for you at the moment, but there is support out there so please reach out. Call 999 immediately if you are thinking of, or have, hurt yourself.
Mine was taken too by that evil thing ,because of Covid she was missed ad could not get treatment until it was stage 4 bladder cancer,2 major operations then chemo then 8 weeks in hospital and never came home again.I am broken,life in ruins,nothing left for me now ,hope to just fade away Michael.
Dear JenW , how are you today? I hope you managed to get some sleep and have been able to talk to someone today . Lying awake at night on your own , not being able to sleep with your thoughts dragging you down is so draining . Your world fell apart in August , mine did in May , by September for me it had all got even worse, I could not believe it possible . I think it just started to dawn on me then he wasn’t coming home and every new month was yet another month without him. Also the guilt , me blaming myself for everything , My brain would scream at me it’s all your fault , he would still be alive if You had done this /not done that or that . That makes it even worse, everyone else seems to be moving on but I have that extra burden to carry that I can’t shake off. It’s a bit better this month than it was last month but it is literally day to day, hoping tomorrow will be a better day. As I said I am holding on by my fingernails even tho I just want to let go. It does get better, I am told, even if we can’t see it or even want it to , we have to try and hope . I am just trying to hang on to that thought and not expecting anything of myself, just doing what I want , when I want ,breathing and trying to survive. Sending love and concern jss xxx
Hi Jess. Thank you for messaging me. It does feel like it’s getting harder as time goes on because reality sets in. My husband and I were so close. It’s like we were 2 parts of the same person. My brain is screaming all the time too. If only I did this or that. If only the nhs didn’t make an error in updating his medical records. If only he was informed about the information they were learning about his medication. He shouldn’t have died. I know they say Covid is unpredictable and they are still learning but Covid or no Covid my husband was let down by incompetence, by medical records not being updated correctly, by new information not being relayed to him, by not be told how vulnerable he was. I can never forgive this negligence. If people did their job right my husband would still be alive and I would still have my soulmate. Sounds like we are both trying our best. Please private message me if / when you want. I think we understand each other. Lots of love JenW
I went round and round doing the what ifs in the first few months after I lost my soulmate. The one who I was meant to retire with and the one who was half of me for 34 years. Ultimately it got me nowhere. As a friend put it - it’s a Cul-de-sac. When my dad died 10 years ago, we got letter after letter apologising for the things they did wrong and assuring us it wouldn’t happen again. In both cases, it doesn’t get you anywhere good. It torments - I know - but it doesn’t alter the present reality. Eventually I had to accept this. I knew my husband would not want me to torment myself. I spent all the first few weeks saying sorry to him because I didn’t keep him safe but I did the best I could and would have protected him in any way possible. Ultimately fate took him away from me and that is the reality I have to live with.