Hey Rose.
You have made a decision and that is good.
You are not letting your husband down and there is no need to feel guilty - or that this person has won - whatever they are doing is not a reflection of you, but of them.
Good for you for calling them out before - but if they haven’t changed their ways then they are probably a person that you don’t need in your life just now , if ever.
You can always have another get together in the future. You’ll have an idea by now probably of who those supportive people are, so you can make it a bespoke more personal celebration with those who really appreciate you both as a couple.
Try not dwell on the negative today - is there something you could do to celebrate his life in your own way ? Something that would mean something to you both ?
I’m having a really tough few days ( not that any are easy as you know ) but I’m going to have a coffee, get my daughter organised, dust off my lazy ass and head off to paddle board for a little while.
I’m hoping it will distract me and if not then I’ll jump in the Loch - the coldness of the water is always good to shock you into a different state of mind.
I’m not suggesting you do the same, ( or you can do if you want ) but perhaps just trying to accept that this is how things are at the moment is all we have to try to do.
I struggle with that a lot and I’m sure you do too.
We are all doing the best we can every day and that is all that our loved ones would want us to do - keep trying.
I never knew such pain and heartache before my husband died. I now wonder how people keep going after such a loss - and have done for millions of years.
Let’s try to believe it will get easier.
Sending love and strength and a huge hug for you today. And an understanding ear if you need to talk more. Xxx♥️
Thank you.
Yes, I am very disappointed.
I feel so guilty but I truly believe I was left with no choice.
I am now getting messages about progress of what I organised.
This was from someone I thought understood.
So I have repeated I am in a bad place and cannot deal with the details.
Will they never get it?
Rose xx
I will try.
Thank you.
I have turned off my phone as I am now getting messages of how things are proceeding.
I don’t want to know!
Talk about rubbing salt in the wound.
Have the best day you can
Love and hugs xx
@RoseGarden my heart goes out to you, well done for doing what is right for you and calling that person out. It’s such early days - I too had an occasion when someone said something and I felt really upset. I’ve found that most people are trying very hard to find the right words and want to offer comfort. I tried to explain how a comment made me feel and the person was horrified in realising how it came across. We both got upset and ended up discussing it more and we’ve become close as a result. Some aren’t worth the effort but most people are looking for the right words and just don’t know what to say. Unless you’ve been through it you can’t begin to know how it feels
Thank you @Anastasia .
I am going to think carefully about what has happened.
As if grief isn’t enough, there’s been and still is a lot of other pressures and issues, illness, birthday, get together and relatives.
So this morning I am able to step back a little rather than yesterday when emotional was an understatement!
It feels a bit like the day after the funeral. My focus was on yesterday’s get together and doing him proud whilst missing him so much and wishing he was here.
As with the day after the funeral, I am exhausted and lost. I am still highly emotional. I have that ‘what now’ feeling and realisation that he is still not coming back.
I somehow need to get the medicine one of our cats must have twice a day. It is nearly gone. The vet practice is easily 5 miles away.
I don’t know if I am up to driving today and previous requests for help on Friday got no response. So that needs to be addressed
One positive constant is the support from people on here.
I can’t thank you enough.
Love and hugs everyone,
Rose xx
We are always here for you Rose 
xx
Thank you,
that is really is a comfort to me.
Rose xx
Hi Rose,
There are many expletives I could and have used for people who have treated us so badly,
If I lived close I would happily collect your cats medication.
Lots of hugs Ron
Oh. So sorry you are not feeling well.
I lost my husband just after Christmas and it was his 85th last Saturday. These milestones have to be overcome. I haven’t been well and just can’t be bothered, but I know that is not going to do me any good. Today I was wondering who I am , as I’m not now. ‘Wife of’, so I think I need to be reinvented? As. Who, or what I don’t know.
Like the saying ROCK BOTTOM HAS A BASEMENT
love. Joan.xx
Thank you.
That means so much
Rose xx
I am so sorry .
I expect like for me, the birthday was very difficult to bear.
We had talked about having a small party at home to celebrate and he was so so looking forward to it.
Sending you a big hug.
Rose xx
I want to thank all of you so much xx
On Saturday I phoned the Samaritans and was talking to someone for quite a while.
You know you are bad when they phone you back!!
Well they did yesterday and I was on the phone for about an hour.
The person was very nice.
We talked about not isolating yourself and reaching out to people.
So I did that this morning to several people. Just suggesting tea and a chat.
Everyone said they will be busy.
Sorry, feeling totally battered.
Rose xx
Oh I’m so sorry rose.
I’m sure it wasn’t meant and that they truly were tied up. Could you suggest another day ? Try some different people ?
Is there a local group which you could join ? - church ? - something that you could attend regularly which would help with making some connections ?
I know that doesn’t help in the moment.
It’s so hard when you feel alone but you are not alone - we are all here for you and understand how you feel.
I feel so alone today as well - I just don’t know what to do and feel completely lost, even though my daughters with me.
The future looks bleak and the pain is so much so I’m going back to just taking things an hour at a time and am going to get some breakfast and then have a shower.
Maybe try and distract yourself with a task at the moment and see if the moment passes.
Sending some love and strength xx❤️
Yes, I think those I contacted will be genuinely busy this week. They are the ones who have been there for me and have been so good and reliable. I suppose I have become very dependent on them
The only people really left to contact are either ones who said they would be there and drifted away or people we knew from a place we regularly visited which is right next to where he died. We had just left there when he died driving away.
I have tried looking for a church group but one is very evangelical and the other just seems to have a service alternate Sundays.
I went to that church on my husband’s birthday to sit quietly inside and hopefully light a candle but it was locked. The only info was about the time and date of the next service.
I have looked at U3A but nothing appealed.
I am so very sorry you are feeling so alone as well. It is so very difficult isn’t it.
I never realised grief would be so bad as it is.
Like you I am taking it hour by hour.
It is so kind of you to contact me when you are struggling.
I hope you can find peace and comfort.
Sending you a big hug.
Love Rose xx
Like you Rose, I never thought it would be this bad.
Why don’t you try some of those people who said they would be there?
If you get nothing back then at least you know, but maybe someone will feel strong enough to take the leap. I think it’s hard being around people like us who are hurting so much.
I do hope we can find some sense of peace
as time goes on.
Take care today. Xx
Oh @RoseGarden i’m so sorry that you feel like this. I wish there was something I could say to take away your pain. If you lived closer i would just give you a big hug (((hug))).
As another thought for places to look for supportive groups, have you looked at your local library? They often have a list of local groups like WI, knit and natter, and groups for the over 60s. It might be worth a look.
Take care of yourself and if you need to go back to doing an hour at a time, then just do that.
Sending love.
Oh Rose I am so sorry you are having such a difficult time. You’ve had so much going on with his birthday and memorial ,alongside your existing grief.
It may be worth contacting the ‘if ever you need anything’ group. I have found people have been willing to catch up but were very nervous about contacting me for fear of upsetting me more. And they were glad when I contacted them. If they don’t appear interested then you know it was just words.
I’m sure your current supporters will gladly arrange something soon. I’ve forgotten how busy people are ( I used to be one of them!) whereas we now have a completely free diary sadly.
Do hope you managed to pick up the medicine from the vets. Rose you are not on your own 🩷xx
@Allbut I understand what you say about having to reinvent yourself. It was something my husband said not long before he passed away. He said ‘now you will have to figure out who you are’. Very prophetic, and 7 months on i still haven’t got a clue!
Hello again,
I don’t know if you have tried this.
I phoned CRUSE for the first time.
I had looked at the website a couple of times before looking for a local support group. Sadly there isn’t one where I live. However, I found what I suppose is a national number and the lady on the phone gave me a phone number for the nearest support group . It is actually nearly 50 miles away but apparently they provide counselling on Zoom.
I don’t know if this is available in Scotland or is something you would be interested in. I just wondered if it is available whether it could be useful for you.
Love,
Rose xx
Coincidentally my GP suggested that organisation in the very early days of my partner’s passing. He seemed to think they were very good.