Thanks rose. I hope you have a restful night
Take care. Xx
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Hello retired
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Hello retired I would really love you first name
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Hello retired It would
Be marvellous to meet up however I live in
Northumberland seems a million miles away.
Love to chat though.Hope your birthday lunch out goes well .
Best wishes x
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Hello rose
I know how you feel our lives do feel empty
and nothing will ever fill that gap
Sending you the love and support we all need.
It is so very sad to know how many people just like us are out there in this dreadful loop of
Longing and hurt.
Xx
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Hi@Dol1,
There are so many of us and so very hard.
Thinking of all our friends on this horrendous journey.
Xx
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Yes thatās a bit far isnāt it?
Iām Margaret by the way. I drop into this site now and then when feeling down and needing some support from others going through the same emotions.
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Thanks very much for your post.
As I said I dread weekends I know they are absolutely going to turn up with more agony to endure.
How we looked forward to our weekends especially when we worked and then when we retired from stressful jobs husband a police officer.
Now of course all of us have this.
I do put the Tv on and I usually go to bed.
I donāt even remember what I have been watching I cover the clock drink some wine all by myself take a sleeping pill.
This is not really living a life is it
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Hello Margaret I am Doreen
How are you today have you had your birthday
Lunch yet.
Northumberland is lovely and I live quite near the sea. We used to go to the beach often have fish and chips and take our cocker spaniel for a run round.Hard to know I wonāt do that again.
Sending you much comfort x
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No Doreen
Weāre not really living. Just surviving.
Itās still very early days for you and eventually you will find you are learning to cope.
Iām 24 weeks now and I donāt struggle so much. Although Iām afraid Iāve hit a bit of a dip at the moment.
Just grief jumping up and slapping me to remind me itās still there.
I will get back up. Iāve got too. I know Roger wouldnāt have wanted me to be like this.
So I have to do it for him, and for me.
You will get to a place where you start to cope l canāt say how long, we are all different. But just be sure that what youāre going through is normal.
Youāre not alone. We are all here for you
Love and hugs
Liz x xpp
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Hello peony
I can really get what youāre saying.
Especially the bit about his relatives .
My husbandās daughter and granddaughter cut him him off over money
Our money.
They havenāt spoken to him for over two and a half years
I havenāt informed them he has passed away his
daughter moved house two years ago and she did not tell us where she lives now.
Suits me.
Two weeks ago I believe they must have got wind of something.He passed away in April !!!
They have sent strangers to my door in the evening to ask questions.
I did not open the door and sent them away
The granddaughter rang his phone early morning.
He couldnāt answer.
Not content she came to my house an hour later and nearly knocked the door in she looked in my windows and she had the little boy with her he is now 2 and a half.
We last saw him at six moths.
I didnāt answer the door.
She has been looking on face book and asking
My relatives to befriend her.Obviously to pump information from them.
They have not
To my mind this is harrasment and a form of stalking and I will call the police .
Too late now for them.
He was a very generous dad and granddad.
I would love to know how you summoned up
the courage to go on holiday on your own.
How was it and where did go if you donāt mind
Me asking
I can just see and almost taste your wonderful
Veg you must have worked very hard on your own for such a wonderful harvest.
Sorry to go on about my problems but it is a relief to share this.Who would believe it.?
Sending comfort.
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Hi @Dol1 iām so sorry to hear all problems you are having with your relatives. I actually agree with you that their behaviour is a kind of stalking. They cant realise just how soul destroying that can be. Well done to you for not answering the phone and the door to them.
You asked about my holiday. Well it was booked a good while before Jim died. We had a cottage at St Brides bay, near Haverford West (South Wales) and a place we had been to before so I kind of knew where i was going. I hadnt reckoned with the long drive, which was about 5 1/2 hours, but i did it and survived!
Before he passed away Jim had told me to make a new life for myself. As i saw it I could cancel the holiday (and probably regret it later), or i could give it a try. Afterall it was a UK holiday and if i hated it i could admit defeat and cone home.
As it turned out it was OK. Obviously the nights were a bit grim, being a self catering holiday there was no one to share the days activities with. I took my crochet to keep me company 
During the day, i made a list of places I wanted to visit. Each day i chose something off my list and went exploring. I met plenty of people to talk to and I had a reasonably decent time. Iām going to do it again, and with the lessons i learnt would hope to have a better time. (For instance, for days with only small things, iād find somewhere else close to make it a whole day out)
I hope this gives you some inspriation to go away on your own. Maybe try a short break in the UK. Iām sure youāll meet lots of people to chat with.
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Thanks for sharing your experience @paeony
It gives me hope that I too can adapt to a new life and manage to get used to doing things on my own.
I think it doesnāt help as I feel in limbo at the moment. I have to be here for my kids and canāt really just do what I want as school term starts tomorrow up here.
It is returning to an old routine which is no longer happy when really I want to sell up, move away and start afresh.
Anyway I am going on about myself again. Need to stop that
You should be so proud of yourself and itās good to keep moving forward and plan for the future. Itās what he would have wanted as you say. Xx
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@roni52 thanks for that.
I do understand what you say about āliving in limboā. Itās hard isnāt it. There are so many things around that i wish i could change, but just cant bring myself to.
We were never blessed with kids, so i dont know what routines you have but I wonder if there are small things you could change to make things feel a little-known different? Maybe even as
simple as not having Cottage Pie for tea on Wednesdays because you always did. Even tiny changes could make a difference.
Stay strong you can do this.
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Paeony, well done for taking a break. I did that last month just 10 months on from my husbandās death. I stayed at my sonās house using it as my base and did things each day. Like you I found interesting people to chat to, having a dog helps break the ice!
Iām looking for a break in the autumn somewhere else as my 4 walls become monotonous these days.
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Hello Doreen. No thatās tomorrow. Iām laying here in bed completely unable to sleep tonight. Itās now 5am. Iāve tried a cuppa, a shower, a fan but still canāt get off to sleep. Iāve not really slept a full night since he died 11 months ago.
You should try to get out with your dog to the beach when you are ready. It really is a comfort. I went for a walk in the field/woods with my Labrador today, found myself in tears but happy memories though.
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Hello Margaret
It seems like we are in the no sleep club.
I am also awake most of the night up having tea then milk biscuits crisps.
The house is cold so empty.
No one else despite their sympathy can have the remotest idea of the ache and the feeling of emptiness worse I think at night. Meal times and sitting down together to watch t v having a glass or two of wine all gone for good.
When you realise that bargaining which I have done doesnāt work you kind of cave in.
I have a wonderful friend I chat to on the phone every night for hours.
She is also on her own and divorced.
She has stepped up is not judgey I have known her for over 40 years.
She makes my long evenings bearable.
She was my bridesmaid.
I take my cocker spaniel lavender out for a walk everyday.
I probably wouldnāt go out otherwise.
You can talk to other people without looking
Odd if you have a dog canāt you?
I wish you a better sleep tonight.
I wonder if face time would work?
Hope birthday went ok
Love and rest xx
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Thank you - yes itās tough. My first birthday without him and I ended up blubbing as I listened to some tunes we enjoyed together. I sobbed so hard my dog came and licked my face, then fetched a tennis ball, because thatās what makes him happy so he wanted me to be happy! However, I did feel better for it though. My friends all rallied round and my grandson, whose birthday is also today, video called me from his holiday in Holland. After I took the dog for his walk I went to my neighbours for a glass of wine and stayed 3 hours! So yes I can say it was a good day overall. My son rang me just now too and we planned another visit to his next month, something to look forward to.
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