Feeling alone

Having lost my husband in June 2016 I find that in the situation we find ourselves in at the moment I am as bad (if not worse) than when he passed away. It doesn’t get any easier as the years go by but you find your own way of coping. Since this lockdown started I am finding it more difficult to cope. Even though I have a lovely supportive family and good friends some days I feel so alone. Try to keep myself busy and go for my daily walk but still comes back to the empty home syndrome. When sharing your thoughts and worries with your husband is no longer an option. Would be interested to hear how others are coping with this different world we are living in and tips on feeling less isolated

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Hello Deedee 1524. I lost my lovely husband exactly the same time as you so your words are just what I say. This lockdown is like being back to that horrible time. As the same as you I have a wonderful family and friends but still feel so alone especially when coming in from my daily walk. When Ron passed I made some good friends who have also lost their husbands and of course we were always keeping busy as everyone says when you loose someone. As you say it doesn"t get any easier as time goes on. You just learn to live with it and I keep saying to myself keep going Carol because that is what he would want me to do but Oh Boy it is difficult. We were married over 50 years and I am so thankful for the wonderful marriage we had and the lovely family we have… Keep posting it does help to read these messages and know we are among friends who are all the same as us. Love and hugs to you. xxx Carol xxxx

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Thank you so much for your reply Carol it means such a lot. As you say we are fortunate to have wonderful families and friends but in these unprecedented times we still feel lonely. As with you Allen was the love of my life and we would have been celebrating our Golden Wedding on 1st August this year. I hold tight to all the wonderful memories we made during our years together and know that for a lot of people they do not have the many years that we had. Thank you again for your lovely words. Stay safe big hugs xxx Denise xx

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Hi, yes I think the lockdown is affecting us all even when we say we are fine with it. Keeping busy only last for so long and going for a walk doesn’t seem to tick the right box. My only sensible comment is to say ‘ it’s not for ever’ and to keep smiling. I do hope you both have excellent neighbours and friends who you can talk to you over the hedge. it’s definitely a crazy time but it will come to an end, we just have to hold on. Take care, blessings S

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Thank you Susie, yes it is taking its toll on a lot of people and a lot worse of than me which I keep telling myself. I do have good neighbours and an excellent circle of friends for which I am truly grateful. I try to keep myself busy and loo forward to my daily walk. Thank you for your reply it is much appreciated. Stay safe Dee Dee

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Thank you for your lovely message Sheila and yes I relate to all the things you have mentioned. I feel fortunate to have had such a good and happy marriage (will be 50 years in August) and a family who I love so much. This lock down has certainly made me feel my age and not being able to get out there doing my bit for those less fortunate than myself. I signed up with the NHS as a responder to chat to people if they felt isolated and have had a few conversations with people who have nobody in their lives and this has made me realise that having family and friends around us is a huge bonus. As you say there is only so many times you can do things. I have a huge collection of photos and spend many an evening reminiscing the wonderful times we had together. Thank you once again and look after yourself. Love Denise xx

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this lockdown is terrible but necessary, I’m lucky that I can message my widow groups Way Up and JDs for women and keep in touch by phone calls and messages as don’t have any close family hardly any at all that keep in contact, I’m slightly lucky as have my son live with me due to my head injury from years back, hope this ends soon, I knit, watch movies and do all the jobs that need doing in the house like cleaning out the cupboards and do what I can in the garden. Take care x

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Bless you Sheila I really understand where you are coming from. Yes we do get used to a different way of life but having the love and support of our much loved husbands is still very real and feel that this has been emphasised even more during lock down. Thank you for messaging me it means a lot and to find out that I am not by myself in to some extent living in the past. I too have been finding jobs to keep me occupied including painting my gates and plenty of gardening. Stay safe Sheila and I know you will (as I do) keep those wonderful memories to the forefront of your mind. Love Denise xxx

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Hi Sue thank you for your kind response to my message. I do realise that I am more fortunate than most with being surrounded by a supportive family and friends but find that having no one to discuss my feelings, concerns with at home is taking its toll. I am pleased that you have the company of your son to share your worries with and understand that with having a medical issues this must be a plus for you. Yes I have been spending my time outdoors with the lovely weather we have had and find this helps the days pass that little quicker. Stay safe and thank you once again for taking the time to message me. x

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Hello Deedee,
This lockdown is no different for myself, I am housebound in any event. I have multiple medical conditions which stops me from going out of our bungalow, I always include Stan in any posts which I make.
I have become so used to it, it doesn’t bother me

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Hi Susie. I noticed that a few days ago you made a comment about going for a walk didn’t tick the right box. Sorry but I beg to differ, as it is now being proven that walking and being out with nature is proving very therapeutic in such troubled times and being openly encouraged by Doctors for obvious health reasons, exercise, mental health and Vitamin D. I am a keen walker and enjoy being out in the countryside and found that it has saved me both through grief and with the lockdown and there is still no reason why you can’t remain isolated. I understand if walking is not something that really interests a person but it might be worth giving it a try.
I cannot see neighbours over my fences but I do meet with other dog walkers when out and by keeping the required safe distance it can be pleasant having a chat.

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I agree, Pat, I used to walk miles until I damaged my spine, now it takes me ages to walk down our drive and it is very short.
I hope that everyone is well. x x

I do feel for you, Sheila, I am sorry
Love, Mary x x

hi Pat
well said yes a good walk will be good for us all,if we are mobile that is.
if not maybe sit in the garden for a while,at least youll get the vitamins your body needs from sun light.if sitting in the sun please use a good sun block dont want be getting sunburnt.pity the online volunteers against long walks but sensible about staying safe at least.
regards
ian

I can’t even sit outside because of an inherited blood condition which I have called porphyria, one of the symptoms which I have is an allergy to solar light and the sun, These cause me to come out in very painful water blisters. it is incurable but it is kept under control by my having a pint of blood removed every so often, there are other nasties too, with which I won’t bore you.
I was aged 56 when this dratted condition manifested it’s self, thank fully, our children, who are in their 50’s do not have the gene
I am concerned for our grandson and our great grandson.

Love, Mary.

Hi Ian
Yes I do understand that some people just can’t go out for walks because of health reasons but for those that can then I don’t agree with them being put off.
Don’t worry I manage to keep myself safe when I am out, no problem there. I love the open spaces with no one around, it makes life seem normal again!!! And nature has no idea that we are all being isolated, it still goes on and things grow and there is such lovely things to look at and the bird songs are a delight.
We are actually being encouraged to go out and get exercise now.
Take care
Pat

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Hi Pat,
You must go out if you are able, I tell all my family and friends, do not put off doing anything if you can afford it and walking costs nothing. I used to walk for miles until I injured my spine, I used to love gardening too, all that has gone. I can’t even sit outside now because of my having porphyria, the darned thing.
I SAY TO ALL OF YOU, DO WHAT YOU CAN WHILST YOU CAN, YOU NEVER KNOW WHAT IS GOING TO HIT YOU.
Stay safe now that people can go out ( limited freedom) I bet some of them will be out in droves.
Mary x

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Hi Mary,
You are right, we sit and moan but to be able to go out and walk costs nothing.
Sending love xx

Love back to you Steph and to all my friends here. I wasn’t shouting in my earlier post, I just wanted to get the message across. Stan and I always wanted to go to Russia
so to Russia we went, it was a short break and we wanted to celebrate our Golden Wedding. it was a wonderful 4 days, but we were ill for ages after we returned. It will be 10 years in September. :cry:

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I’m glad you got to go to Russia, if you can do it , do it we’ve all learned life is too short to umm and arr about things, now you have lovely memories of your trip , apart from the days after, xx

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