Hi Debbie, it is awful. Everything and I mean everything reminds me of my husband. I miss him so much and it seems to be getting worse. I haven’t even got up today but I am going to make myself do things tomorrow because I know it will make me feel a bit better. It is lonely but at least we can chat on here. It keeps me sort of sane. Sending you hugs. Xxx
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@Debbie25 it so close for me and you I lost my Andrew 22/5 /23 ! I am lost without my beautiful man . He protected me so much . I am trying to cope . It’s too much at times . I guess many feel the same
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My husband had a long term disability so he was never going to make old bones but even if you have that knowledge it doesnt stop death being a total shock. You always hope youve got longer together. X
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My husband had never been ill until his seizure in March 22 and even when we were told he had glioblastoma stage 4 I didn’t think I would lose him. I think I convinced myself that if I stayed positive and made sure he got treatment and he ate properly that somehow he would be the exception. How we delude ourselves.
I have done things today but feel really sad this evening. I seem to be filled with dread. It is so strange how your mood can change in seconds. Take care all. Xx
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We never give up hope for a miracle do we, I’m so sad for you x
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The evenings are usually the worst. Its when you stop being busy and you sit down and your negative thoughts bombard you. I try to watch imersive tv programmes and nibble on comfort food. Sometimes it works for a while but not tonight. I struggled to make myself do all the jobs i hate today but when i finished i was even more depressed so had to resort to tranquillisers and alcohol. I havent felt i needed a drink since my awful binge two weeks ago but i lost it tonight. Love to everyone x
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It is difficult. Don’t beat yourself up just get some sleep and take care of yourself. Some days are worse than others. Sending you hugs. Xx
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Thankyou Billie x
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I’m really struggling a year on. Shortly after my partner passed, my father’s cancer returned with a vengeance and my mother was diagnosed as terminal just before Christmas out of the blue.
I moved in with them to keep them out of hospice and they died at home with me by their sides 35 days apart in March & April. I can’t seem to pick myself up anymore, I’m 42 years old and I feel like life has come to an end. I see no joy in anything and I can’t see forward. I feel like I can’t be around people as they seem so awkward because they just don’t know what to say.
I have lost nearly 9 stone in weight over the last 18 months and I’m a bag of bones. I was overweight for most of my adult life, and although I’m much lighter, I seem to feel heavier than ever. I know that makes no sense, I just feel angry all the time. I’m racked with guilt that my lovely Dad was so fearful in his last days, worried that I was going to be alone to deal with everything. He should have passed peacefully and I don’t think he did. He was so afraid and so sad without my mum.
Everything is overwhelming, there is so much still to sort out and deal with and I can barely get dressed and get through the day.
My step son is flying the nest and going travelling around the world, I can’t wait for him to leave so he can be free of this miserable existence with me and start enjoying his life after losing his father so suddenly.
I’m partly and selfishly angry that my partner died and left me to deal with this life, yet I’m glad he doesn’t have to deal with it in another breath. When I read that back, it looks and sounds awful! I’m just so angry at the world for continuing to turn, then the next, I’m glad of the normality of others lives to distract me. Nothing seems to make sense.
I’m absolutely devastated, I just don’t know how to move forward.
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Oh Amy I am so sorry that you are going through so much. Life is so unfair and cruel. It’s makes you wonder why so many bereavements in such a short time and you have people out there who are so horrible and don’t deserve a life. The only thing I can say is that neither of your parents had to go through the pain of many months without each other like we are. I expect losing your parents have brought all the pain back from losing your partner though I know that we never do lose that pain of losing a love one. Big hugs and one step at a time. Xx
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Dear Amy I am just coming up to the anniversary of my husband’s death on 4th September and so many of you feelings that you write about strike a cord with me. My heart goes out to you because I understand completely what you are going through because I felt exactly the same for many months. But please know that you are NOT ALONE. All of us on this forum have experienced grief, the loss , the pain and the devastation of it all. You are still young though and have a lot of love to give and life to live. Please don’t give up because although you never lose the pain of losing your loved ones, life does get brighter. I found friends an enormous support but often I felt too proud to ask for their help. I began to cut myself off as I felt they were awkward and didnt know what to say to me when they met me. I just became isolated and lonely. Then i realised that friends actually want to help so don’t be afraid to ask them. It is so difficult to do anything especially when you are at your lowest. My horses were a huge support as I HAD to get up in the morning. I HAD to get dressed to go out and feed them otherwise I think I might have stayed in bed all day. I also have a strong faith and ask God every day for help. Without His help I don’t think I could have got through this past year. Try and join groups where you meet others and make friends and slowly sowly you will begin to greet each day with enthusiasm again. I send you a BIG HUG.
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