I am trying to deal with losing my wonderful partner and husband of fifty years. Its always been the two of us. Since me being a teenager I just have loved him so much now all of a sudden this huge character and comedian that he was has left me. Fighting for his health and well being has destroyed my mental health and because we always came across as being copers people think that I am OK now. Far from the truth. I am a crumbling mess. Being a strong couple that devoted our later life to helping others everyone thinks I am ok .No I am not and feel now so isolated that no one sees that I am drowning in grief. Its like well that event has now passed so everything is back to normal. People are engaging with me in conversations about sad events but no one is seeing that I am also still so much suffering with my loss. I lost my wonderful husband in April and still cannot get my head round it. Never will I personally experience grief like this. I feel invisible because the people around me cannot see how much I am suffering
Alice I could have written this. I was with my partner nearly 40 years. We were the couple that helped everyone. I was the competent, confident one, who solved peoples problems. As a couple we always gave and never ask for anything in return. Since his loss I am not that strong person. I miss him so much. This sadness is breaking me apart. No one wants to listen to me, they still think thats my role. I don’t want to deal with my own problems, I don’t want to with theirs either. Sending you a hug and understanding
So sorry Alice. You aren’t invisible, and it’s clear how much you are suffering. Perhaps you should tell them - they might assume you don’t want to talk about him. But everyone here hears you. Take care of yourself. Sending hugs.
This is just how I described myself a few weeks ago. Invisible.
It’s over 6 months since my husband passed and it was strange that almost to the day people started getting back in touch to see if I wanted to catch up - as if I’d be over it now. And why would I want to see them when they haven’t had any interest in supporting me or my kids over the hardest time in our lives.
People just want to know that we are ok - which isn’t a bad thing - but then if we say we are not, then I find they panic and distance themselves again.
A widowed friend I have met just says he is fine - but I feel that is me just pandering to what they need ( which is that it’s all ok ) rather than what i need ( which is to honest about how things are. )
And I feel it’s really disrespectful to say I’m fine after being together for all my adult life.
We shouldn’t be fine - and that is crap but it’s also ok.
It was mine and my daughter’s birthdays the last 2 days and we all tried hard to make them good, but it will never be the same.
My youngest is struggling so much now and at 16 she is already dreading Xmas and the sadness that will bring.
But no one wants to see that pain or heartache - so we continue to be invisible in our grief.
Except here, where we are all able and willing to share the pain. And that is worth being glad about.