Hello Dotclark I have been in therapy in the past before my husband died and found I did not fit in with their offer of courses CBT in particular I found to be of no help at all. I asked them the question of the reason I am here is because of life changing events that are real and no amount putting my concerns away for a later time to deal with would help. I found t is hard to find the right kind of help. When my husband died and I thought I was going mad I rang my doctors and just started to cry over the phone saying I could not cope the receptionist said we have someone that helps with that, I now have a therapist that wants to help me and listen should I want to talk. I feel lucky that I have this sort of back up?
I have also started to bring up bad times of our relationship but have wondered why? I think my reason is I want a reason to stop feeling so full of grief so use it as a battering ram to try and help me move on. Grief is I think is the most dreadful pollacking of our emotions in life and one you can only in my opinion learn to live with.
Thank you, i need to do something as they are the worst feelings i have had to endure, causing me to have meltdowns at any point in the day
Nancy I say this all the time I have lost many people that I love but yes losing your husband, wife or partner is the most grief anyone can endure. To me it wrecks you physically and mentally and not everyone can see how emotionally challenged each day can be.
Yes! Itās hard to put it into words. I thought I had prepared myself, too, for the eventuality, but thereā s no preparing. Like the one book I read, grief is like a journey in the wilderness, finding your way is hard.
Littlewitch I feel for you and hope you can find some help to ease how you feeling. xx
Nancy those words are so true and I have to say I have not found my way yet. Its so hard!
Its weird last night I had dreams John was still here and we were carrying on with day to day life it all seemed so real. Then when I started my day to the shock no he has gone he is not here. People I met during today made me feel really invisible because no one even asked if I was ok when I really looked like I had been through the wringer. Greif for us is everlasting to those around us minutes, hours daysā¦
Iām so sorry for your loss. I canāt imagine the pain you must be feeling after a lifetime together. Please know you are not alone. Keep putting one foot in front of the other, staying in the present not drifting too far back or forward.
Thankyou Katie. Its just so horrible learning to live this solitary life. Tonight sadly I have had to take my soulmate my little dog to the vets with heart failure. He has been my rock since I lost John I am an emotional wreck tonight as it has brought back very bad events and do not know how I would have got through without him. The humans drifted away whereas my little boy has always been there for me. I am praying for him overnight.
@alice13
I had to reply to you as I have been where you are and my heart goes out to you. I lost my husband last year, sudden death, heart attack out of the blue and just 5mths later my soulmate Sam my 15yr old dog was diagnosed with heart failure and for his sake, I had to put him to sleep. It broke my heart and 15mths later I am still grieving him. It killed me letting him go but heart failure in a dog is awful and I couldnāt let him suffer and I put him first as itās the last act of love we can give them. Thinking of you as itās a painful journey xxx I meant to add if you need someone to talk to, message me
@Steve123
I am 20 mths on this journey and there is no timescale on grief. My husband died from a massive heart attack, out of the blue, on the sofa next to me. I never thought it would get easier but it does, as in you learn to adapt, adjust and live with it. There is no choice other than being stuck in pain and misery for the rest of your life. Grief softens over time, it never goes away but then why would anyone want it to? Itās there to remind us of the great love we had. Unfortunately memories fade over time and grief will send you a reminder, in the early days itās awful memories but over time the happy memories do start to filter through. Our loved oneās are now at peace and so should we be when the time is ready which is different for everyone but it does require great effort to move forwards with our own life. The best advice I was given was to live in the present moment whatever that brings. The hardest part for me is the awful loneliness and that doesnāt go away, it just gets more bearable if that makes sense. Lyn
I go to work day in day out Monday to Friday as Friday gets closer i know that the weekend is coming. With nothing to do i sit and cry. Life is not great i grit my teeth when I am asked how i am the answer is yes but i dont mean it i just dont want to full to pieces. I am dreading the run up to Christmas. The thought of trying to be happy around family especially as we are going to a restaurant for Christmas dinner. What do i do if I do get upset. Its on my mind everyday.
There is too much pressure from society to put on a brave face and get on with it. Thatās not the answer, grief has to be processed and understood by the bereaved, not the rest of the world, you have to feel your emotions and express them and if you fall apart in a restaurant so what? If people ask how I am I tell them the truth, I donāt burden anyone but I donāt live up to what other people want me to be. This is your loss so grieve it how you choose too, itās appropriate to you not them. Life does go on and we have to face it but what we donāt have to do is apologise or feel guilty for grieving and important person to us. Take a box of tissues and put it in the middle of the table that should get the message home that you could burst into tears at any moment. Anyone with an ounce of compassion would accept that
Nana
You are not being over sensitive . I am so sorry that those friends were insensitive
The ācount your blessingsā " he wouldnāt want you mopping about" and other things similar was said to me by a āfriendā of 40 years,she was like a sister but i now feel she has no idea & i question her friendship.
I actually found her comments hurtful and cruel.
@LynT Agree completely! What I find particularly distressing is the gratuitous remarks along the lines of āYou look a lot happierā āHave you got over it yet?ā and similar comments. I havenāt had my pet hamster die, but the woman I shared everything with for ten years
The winter months are always hard I find without the loss of your life partner. Itās only been 8 weeks since my husband passed away. I am dreading Christmas without him. I used to love Christmas and the lead up to it but now I canāt bear the thought.