I know it’s a cliché, but Darren loved you and wouldn’t want you to be unhappy on what happened when he passed.
We all have the memories of how our partners died, how we reacted and - I imagine I am typical - how we should have done more, told them that we loved them more often, been nicer . It is very hard, but we did what we did. I am certain none of our loved ones would want us to be unhappy after they had passed. They would want us to be as happy as we can be
I have had a rotten couple of days and so do not feel well at all. Does anyone else when they feel under the weather feel a 100% more physically drained than normal and more depressed? I find my grief even harder to bear when I am like this. Anyway going to the doctors tomorrow may get somewhere with that. I hope so feeling so very isolated and low. No one around now to to give a bit of comfort to make me get up and go. Losing the love of our lives is just so unbearable at times.
I have been unwell for 10 of the 12 weeks, since I lost R. The sadness and grief are consuming me. I just start to cry all the time. This isn’t living
@alice13 , everything is so much harder when you’re poorly. I felt incredibly lonely when I was sick. No one to care for me which was a dreadful feeling 
.
Hope you get to feel better soon.
Xx
Yes Mbg I know what you mean. I have been the same never away from the doctors now. I am just tired and drained all the time. The grief is just so crippling and I am sure is causing my health to suffer.
Thankyou Swantaff
Yes I feel very lonely too. Its this constant feeling of being drained I am just so exhausted and have been since my husband died. Hope you have a good a day as possible. x
Alice you sound like me. It will be two years on Nov 5th since Roger Died and it still feels bad. It has suddenly come to me that he really will not be coming back from hospital and if there is not a heaven I shall never see him again which is unbearable…I have our six year old wonderful dog to keep me company and to look after which helps in a way as I have to put him first as he is grieving too wondering where his “dad” is because the last time he saw him Roger was going off in the ambulance and Darcy crying. If it was not for Darcy and my sons’ grief I would not be here I am sure. After 63 years together Roger and I were a unit of one. Did absolutely everything together never apart so now I am only half a person with a now foggy brain and no energy.
Susie, you have summed up how I completely. After 55 years together I feel I have nothing else left. If it wasn’t for my son and my cats I don’t think I would still be here xx
Hello SusieQ2 It is coming up seven months now since my John died. I cannot believe where that time has gone. Maybe its the constant grief and thinking of the whole horror of him dyeing that replays over and over again and the events after that passes the time quicker than I think. John and I were a unit of one too so I can relate to how you feel you are only half a person. I do not have the same confidence and find some things challenging. We were over fifty years together. I have our little dog which is my constant friend beside me and gets stressed now if I leave him. Its like he worries about me I love him to bits. I also have my cats too and they have all helped me get through so far. I too watched John go off to hospital. Our lives will never be the same.
Nala and Susie our lives are changed forever. The immense grief we suffer and trying to come to terms with this unwanted new way of living is draining and it saps the whole of my strength trying to cope. Learning to live with grief is the most challenging thing I am having to do in my whole life. I do wonder how we get through but somehow we do. xx
I am also feeling emotionally drained at present. Darren passed away 8 months ago. I dont know if anybody has felt what i am feeling. Just lately i have been thinking and remembering thr bad times and it is crippling me. With tears rolling down my face. I just don’t know why this is happening. We had much more good times but for some reason my mind keeps returning to the not so good times in the 32 years together. Has any one else gone through this and if so what did you do. My heart is broken regardless
Yes. There were not so good times and those memories come back. Anyone who has been married for any length of time knows that life was not all sunshine and daisies. There were bad times. However, the good times outnumber the bad which is why we stayed married and worked through the hard parts, right?
I don’t know why the bad times keep coming into focus but they do. And, I feel guilty for remembering those times. All so useless as none of it mattered then and it doesn’t matter now.
Much love.
Thank you for replying as I can’t seem to shift the bad memories, reality is that the turbulent time was when we were children. We have been together since we were 14 and the times that keep returning are between 14 and 21. So the very start of the relationship. We had our 1st child at 16. So pushed through the difficulties as young parents. By 23 we had 3 youngsters and this was when life started to improve. We were a family unit and with strength and determination life has been good. Our 3 children have been through uni and this year was the year i was giving up working for Darren and I start living our life and that is now no longer something to look forward to.
Life can be so cruel can’t it.
To spend all those years building your family and then to be at a place where you were planning the future with time for just the two of you. It just seems so unfair.
I am in a similar situation - 1 child through uni and working, 2 still at uni and one heading there in a couple of years.
We had planned for us to properly retire in 2 years time - early as my husbands brother died aged 52, 2 years ago, so we were aware how precarious life could be.
Never expected to be in the same situation.
The future is just so unclear now and something that feels like a penance rather than something to enjoy.
Thank you i thought that i was the only one feeling and remembering the bad times and sidnt know why as you said there were many more happy times. It must be the grieving process.
That is a very powerful last line.
So true xx
I have the same problem with continuously remembering the bad times, not the good , which are far far more numerous.
I’ve mentioned it on other threads, I decided this MUST change. So I recently started a proper therapy course where I’m learning to do mindfulness in a proper fashion.
In it, I’m rapidly learning to quickly recognise I’m doing it, and gently and kindly file them away in a “bin,”. This allows me to replace them either with happy thoughts, or no thoughts, being content and calm.
After only a couple of weeks, it’s shown great improvement.
Tykey where did you find a proper therapy mindfulness course and is it expensive? Hope you dont mind me asking but primary mental health cbt once a week is not helping me at all.
Me, too. I lost both my parents, but losing my husband has been worse than any other grief for me personally put together.