Lost my husband a week ago. He has terminal cancer but died from acute shock after a GI bleed . He was only 51 and my world, it was always the two of us together. He left me so suddenly that I feel unprepared for life on my own. We knew his time was limited and both of us assumed he would pass from the cancer which was ravishing his body.
I’m struggling to cope alone, out home feels cold without him and I feel like I am drowning in a sea of grief with no support from his family who are closer than mine. I sat alone today and wept for everything we had and everything I lost. I know he would be mad at me for letting it consume me. I have ptsd, depression and anxiety from
an incident which occurred last year where he collapsed and almost died.
But you are consumed with grief and your husband would have been if he was in your place. Grieve and get the understanding and support of all the other people on here who are, or have been, just where you are now. I lost my beloved husband 8 days ago. He had dementia and was being destroyed by it, but he died after a week in hospital with heart failure. Totally numbing.
@Chemus so sorry Hun I lost my Sue 15 Jan . on here we are all going through it now so we know what its like be true to yourself and just talk we are all listening and understand. you are not alone look around and share. Dave
@Chemus and @BigL I’m so sorry for your losses. I lost my wife of 47 years in October and the grief and pain was overwhelming and something I could never have imagined. Everyone here understands this and will empathise with you when you post. We all grieve in our own way and have different levels of support but we all know the pain. Post when you need and you will find support here. Love and hugs xx
@Chemus the shock you sustained is going to take time to settle and the disbelief which comes with it will be debilitating.
Anyone going through this, losing the love of their life, would react in a similar way so please don’t berate yourself.
I personally would never have anticipated the depth of shock and grief on losing my darling husband suddenly last April. I thought the grief of losing my Dad many years ago was as bad a is got but how wrong I was.
You need to listen to your own mind and body and do what feels right. There is no pathway to follow on this terrible journey we travel together but you will find that you are certainly not alone in your reaction.
Sending you love and hugs
Karen xxx
So sorry for your loss@Chemus. I know what your going through, it is tough when it goes from 2 to 1,just take each day as it comes and remember the happy times together.Our love of our life would want us to keep going, see help outside the family. Take care
Thank you everyone for your kind words. Last week was horrendous, I struggled to be alone so went to stay with family for support and the distraction helped me not focus on his death so much.
I miss him terribly but I talk to him about things and my day and I find that helps me. He passed away abroad 3weeks ago today. He was finally repatriated on Friday and I am waiting for the funeral director to reach out to make arrangements. I feel that will help me process him no longer being here. I am so sorry for all your losses. Living with it is numbing and confusing. Feel guilty for laughing at something or for continuing with life. Though technically I am functioning not living.
@ Chemus Everything you describe will be recognised here. Post as you feel you need, the coming weeks may be overwhelming. Love and support xx
Chemus, so very sorry my love. I lost my darling Gareth at 65 nearly 8 months ago. I feel like I’m in a nightmare, like I’m staring at a huge desert which I have to cross, I just don’t know how far it is. Sometimes I am acutely aware of my loss and other times I have to remind myself that he’s gone. It was always the two of us like you, I feel so alone. Your husband wouldn’t be cross with you, he is with you and wanting to take care of you still. You have to grieve, you will only make things worse if you don’t. I have little support from family and few friends, and those I do have are busy, they have their own lives to lead and i get that, but it doesn’t help. Take care, sending love and hugs xx
@Chemus @Susie3021 I have always been the joker in our family the one with all the jokes how may times they have said you are off your head dave, and when my little Sue had bad days I always made her laugh she used to hug me and say stop it dave it hurts but she was smiling. then after we went to bed she would say thanks for looking after me i’m sorry for being so ill so I would cuddle her and say go to sleep Pain. when my family come now I act the clown again its expected of me, and when they go I cry alone and think of a very old song by Norman Wisdom " Don’t laugh at me cause I’m a clown. Its just a mask.
Dave13
So sorry for your loss my husband had COPD ,and had a cardiac arrest while driving,I managed to stop the car ,he passed away 2 hours later in hospital,
Everyone copes with Grief different ,and I’m sure your
Family like to see you joking around ,
But I know how hard it must be for you when everyone goes back home ,
I visit my husband grave at least twice a week ,play his favorite music to him,it’s only been 5 Months but it seems to be getting more of a struggle ,
So glad for this forum to talk ,
Take care
I am so sorry for your loss, life isn’t the same is it?
I know i won’t ever forget him I also know the pain and loss remain, my dad passed last may and miss him terribly.
I struggle because I cared for my husband for 2.5years since he was diagnosed, I feel that loss too. I went shopping today and forgot I was buying for 1 not two and that upset me when I realised.
It’s silly things I find upsetting.
I have family who support via calls but they live 300 miles away from me so i know how you feel. Are there support groups near you that you could attend?
My heart breaks for you, the last words my husband said to me were I love you so much. He was in acute shock by the next day and passed 18hrs later without talking again.
I try hard not to cry because others don’t know how to deal with it. But sometimes I think it’s good to let them know how unbearable the loss is and how deeply affected we are by it.
I am going with the grief when it hits not fighting it. Waiting to hear from funeral home about organising his funeral the delays in getting him repatriated were awful. He’s home albeit in the chapel of rest.
Miss him so much. I talk to him and that brings me comfort, I hate the loneliness I feel from his loss.
Thank you so much, being able to share grief and the feeling of loss helps come to terms with things. I cry at his name being said, I will just take my time in dealing with things. Life stopped for me when he passed away. I am functioning not living.
I am meating a councilor tomorrow to talk about letting a Ukrainian mother and daughter move into my and my Sues home Its about time we had some laughter in this large empty house and I need someone to help and look after. Appointment at 12.30
Dave13
Good Luck, hope it works out well for you all,
Very kind of you to do that
Take care
@Susie3021 thank you we will see what happens I really hope you can find peace soon keep in touch Dave
@Susie3021 i will hun I still adore my Sue but I also need to help and look after someone its what I am used to maybe its what I Need I dont know but I need them talk soon Dave