Feeling Lost

I lost my wife just over 2 years ago, we did everything together and even now I am so alone, I feel lost because I’m on my own, my wife died suddenly with a massive heart attack no warning or anything, I tried so hard to keep her alive using CPR until the paramedics arrived but obviously I didn’t do enough, but life is so lonely without her and even going out shopping alone is hard, if I’m honest I am struggling to move forward but I want to but how💔

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Hi @Chris1972, I’m so sorry for you loss. It doesn’t matter how long ago our loss is, it’s still hard when your soul mate dies.
My husband has been gone 14 months, some days it just feels like yesterday. I thought I was turning a corner but then you come crashing back down to the first few weeks. I often think back to the day he died and the what if’s, what if I had done this or that. The reality is it probably wouldn’t have made any difference. You did everything you possibly could for your wife on that day.
Living alone is hard to adjust to when you used to being us. The evenings are the worst, the house is quiet, no one to watch TV with and just sit and do nothing , cooking for one is no fun.
Moving forward I try to keep busy, I still work, not enjoying it like I used to but it keeps my mind occupied. I go to and volunteer at my local church, just got involved with messy church being with young people certainly helps. I’m lucky I have good friends and we are a very close family and support each other with our grief.
I’m always out and about meeting friends for coffee or lunch, go to my local community centre for coffee afternoon every two weeks. I am always going out to the cinema, garden centre, shopping or just for dinner with my family. If nothing else is going on I just go for a walk and I love gardening, I do that for my husband as it was his favourite place.
The key is keep your mind occupied, you are always going to have sad tearful days when you don’t want to be bothered with anyone or anything, and not waking up with the person you love is never going to stop you feeling sad. Just hold onto those happy memories and keep them close in your heart. :heart:
Keeping reaching out on this forum, the support on here is wonderful.
Sending love, Debbie X

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Awww thanks Debbie, I keep trying but unfortunately we had just moved to a new area and don’t really have friends here and my family is to far away, but I will keep reaching out on here, your message was a beautiful read and made a lot of sense thank you so much and you keep safe and all the very best, Chris xx

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Moving to a new area away from family support must have been very difficult for you. I hope in time you do find new friends, ones that genuinely there for you. It will get easier, one step at a time. Debbie X

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I’m so very sorry for your sad loss Chris. I think Debbie has said it all in her wonderful reply really hasn’t she?!

We understand how you feel and the crashing loneliness that the death of a soul mate brings. It doesn’t matter how long has passed since we lost them.

I find mornings the worst, I more often than not still have that empty, sad feeling when I wake, even now after 15 months.

I keep myself busy in the garden and I like having walks on my own sometimes too, it helps to clear my head. I hope you can perhaps get out for some fresh air…I understand shopping alone being hard. At first I used to get choked up seeing things Ian would have enjoyed. It’s so hard!!!

I’m sorry you aren’t near family or friends Chris. I don’t know if you would look for perhaps bereavement groups in your area? I know it’s not for everyone though.

Take care of yourself, be gentle with yourself and keep on writing your feelings down. We all understand how you feel.

With love
Janey xx

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Thank so much Janet, I go out for little walks a couple of times a week for fresh air and while I’m out I feel better, I am considering bereavement counselling to be honest as I’m 49 years old I really want to be able to move on and one day hopefully meet someone to share my life with, your words mean so much thanks for everything Janet, take care xx

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I Chris I really feel your pain I lost my husband last year it was his heart and I nearly had to do CPR but luckily the paramedics got here quick but he passed away hours later , it’s so hard to feel happy and it’s very lonely even though I have wonderful kids everything seems pointless without him but we must stay strong I do meditation puzzles and long walks hopefully I won’t be doing that forever but it helps a little now x take care Yvonne

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I’m sure bereavement counselling will help Chris.
49 is still young, I’m sure you’ll be able to find what you’re looking for too.
I’m 62 and loved my husband for 40 years & would never want anyone else, but I understand you wanting to share your life with someone else eventually.
I wish you love & luck x

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Janey is right, I’m 64 and was married 44yrs, with a daughter in her forties, and a son slightly younger.
Doug was my one true love and at my age there won’t be any one else, but you are still young.
I hope you find peace and contentment, Debbie X

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Hi Yvonne, yes the walks do help, the cpr moment s were awful when I think back it’s something that always comes in my head when I’m thinking of my late wife, I will move on at sometime hopefully but I’m not exactly in a rush, thanks for getting in touch and you take care always xx

Thanks Janet I’m not in no rush to find someone else just more of a companion really xx

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Hi Debbie, I’m just looking for a female companion really, I don’t think I could ever love anyone in that way again xx

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I can totally understand that.x

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Hi Chris I alway remember the night it happened I couldn’t sleep in the bedroom for months had a mattress downstairs it’s all so sad and when I get bad days I still sleep downstairs , I can’t believe he was happy before he went to bed that night and an hour later it all happened it is such a shock you can’t get your head around it he was only 55 never Ill , time is a healer and not much we can do but carry on I’m here if ever you want a chat , keep on with the walking take care x

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Day by day & trying to keep occupied is sound advice.
There are lots of groups out there , you just need to find what’s right for you - I didn’t think counselling was for me - but we are all different -
Only you can decide what you think is best - but tread carefully, things are still raw.
Loneliness & grief really messes with your head.
I hope I haven’t offended you by offering my thots. :thinking:
Take care. G.

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Hi @Chris1972 there is something I like to share. I’m reading a book on Sue Ryder recommended list. The Language of Loss by Sasha Bates.

She describes grief as a path but with no destination. It never leaves you, does not go away and you do not get through it. You learn to manage it better and hope it intrudes less or at least you might be able to wrestle back some control over it.

The words just spoke out to me, I hope they will help you too.
I’ve read several books on grief and they do help.
Sending love, Debbie X

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Hi Debbie, thank you very much for the recommendation I will have a look for it and buy it, has it helped you to understand loss and just live with it without actually accepting it, Chris xx

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Hi Debbie I have read a few books on grief and also listened to talks on loss and grieving I find all that helps , also i do meditation the breathing one’s it really calms me I feel quite relaxed after xx

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Hi Poppy, I find music helps, I listen to alot of Graham Kendrick music especially at work, I find it very calming and gets me through the day. I work in an office on my own so it’s okay for me to do that. X X

That’s nice my brother put some calming music on my iPod I listen to it when walking the dog I listen to sleep meditation at bedtime to help me sleep I do colouring some evenings to stop me thinking to much enjoy doing puzzle it all helps for now so that’s good hopefully it won’t be forever , how you coping x x

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