It is good to see your positive comments.
I am only 10 weeks into the journey and finding it hard to acceptvit will get better in time. I am trying to get on with my life as my husband woukd not want me to be sad and unhappy butvat this time i just cant move forward.
I know time will move on quickly and i must go with how u am feekingvgood and bad days but it gives me hope in your post that we will learn to adapt to our new lives
Tykey. I found that post hopeful. I am just five weeks in. Making some plans to do things on my own but finding it difficult to get motivated even to just get out of bed in the mornings.
Our life together was full of plans. We travelled. Visited all 7 continents. We bought a house in Spain. We had it renovated so it could be our retirement holiday place. The renovations have only just been finished. He never got much time to sit, with a book, on his terrace. He never got to walk to town along the beach road. The cancer, and chemotherapy, made him too weak and breathless. He made me promise to enjoy the house when he was gone. To live the life we planned together. But I canāt see the point - not yet. I am planning to go with friends and I hope that I will feel like doing that when the dates come. But for now I just feel like I am in limbo.
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Hi @Galaxy75 @Louise1951 . Im really delighted to see the seeds of positivity in what you both posted.
I always tried to remember that old question: How do you eat an elephant?
Answer: one bit at a time.
Lovely dogs @Martyn2 . My two are brilliant at chatting up strangers and starting chats, here they are Crumpet and Rosie
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Iām very much still adapting, still hurting, still crying, still anxious. Much like @tykey I tried to make plans, take little steps and , most importantly give my self patience and recognition. Something I started doing at the start was looking back on the day and identifying the things Iād managed to do that, day, this could be a simple as having a shower, cooking good food. As time moved on these small things have snowballed towards a much greater understanding of my ability to go on, to find the resilience I so desperately need. Itās worked for me, so far, not as far along as tykes, 9 months for me, But it encourages me and pushes me on through the set backs. I moved to where I live now a couple of months before my wife received her diagnosis, we moved to the country with plans for long walks and being more in the landscape. It has been difficult at first to go out and walk this place, seeing things that my never did, never will. At first it hurt, lonely, unfair but as Iāve moved through things itās become a source of comfort, being able to do these things that my Wife wanted to do, I feel now that I do it along with her. That Iām living with and for her, but importantly living for myself as well. Itās taken time and effort but it feels like the right way to go.
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Itās so great to hear words of comfort from people that are further down the line than me. I think itās great advice saying just think of one positive thing that day! Iāve done many things since I lost my husband that I never thought Iād do just because now I have to. I didnāt even know how to put the grass box on the lawn mower! Iāve even put a flat packed magazine rack together using his electric screw drive! He would be amazed and I hope very proud!
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Guarding dads bikes lol
Well done @Jax2, what an achievement to have put together your magazine rack and sorted the mower out.
I changed the filter on the vacuum and sorted out a printer jam! I have done other smaller things my husband did.
We will get there, just taking a day at a time. I always feel my husband is with me which helps,
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Can I dare to mention that us men have huge problems when we have to cope on our own 
What size trousers do I need, how do I make Yorkshire puddings like she made, what washing powder do I buy? The list is endless!!
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My husband did all those things (except the trouser size). Donāt just assume it is men. I canāt cook and if I did anything like the washing or load the dishwasher he would take over as it wasnāt how he did it. (Not in a nasty way) so in the end I left it to him. Xx
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We only realise what we do for each other when itās all left to just one of us! I have said to my friends and their partners to just take note of what they each do in their relationship! As a couple we each have our own roles and itās not that we take each other for granted but we are a team! I feel like Iāve wanted to speak to my husband more since heās gone to ask him about the things he did! Thank god for Google!!
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@Jax2
Everything you have said is absolutely true, we each got on with what we needed to do.
I used You Tube to find out how to change the vacuum filter and Googled for other things,
I am stuck with tv problem. I have this woman telling me when I turn the sound down/up and other annoying instructions. I have obviously touch a wrong button, have read the handbook and tried so many times to fix it. Will have to call BT. My husband always managed the tv.
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Rome 18 I absolutely dread something going wrong with the internet as Iām hopeless with anything like that as yes my husband did it!
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How lovely to hear your thoughts and advice and to realise how many of us are struggling along this hard road. Iām 5 months in and whilst I did well at first,now Iām very emotional at unexpected times. I have kind friends and the few who are widowed say you do eventually get used to a new way of life but no one likes living alone really.I try to keep busy and hope that Iāll look back and be able to help others when they start this awful journey. Thanks again everyone.
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My brothers wife has terminal ovarian cancer. She is teaching him how to cook, how the washing machine works etc and he is writing manuals for himself to follow. I didnāt have that much notice with my husband or we would have done the same. Didnāt even have time for us to organise my care together. I had to try and do this on my own over a bank holiday. In fact I had to manage without care until after the bank holiday. Adult social care were a complete waste of time. Pity we canāt tell everyone to make sure you know how to do what your partner does before it is too late. Xx
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If something does go wrong ring your providers technical support. They are used to speaking to people with limited skills. I used to work in an IT support role and it is a skill you have to acquire.
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On a cheery note, early in this lovely thread, I said I was going to have good day by watching the Lionesses beat the Aussies.
AND THEY DID!!!
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They did indeed. Well done ladies. Now they need to beat Spain.
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Eight weeks yesterday.
Ah ā¦ early days then ā¦ at this point i would say a lot of self care 
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