But it feels like forever doesn’t it?
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Seven months for me, but strangely the time has gone very quickly but seems like he left me only last week.
Today, my mind won’t stop thinking about when we first saw each other. I think this dramatic time in our lives is too much for our brains to deal with, mine is crazy.
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Our first meeting was at an interview for our first jobs after leaving school. We both got employed but in different parts of the company…
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Good Afternoon All,
I started this chat on a bit of a hope and prayer that i would get some advice on what to do next.
It has been heartwarming to see that not only have many of you given me some great advice but others are joining and becoming involved as well.
The past few weeks have been a blur and now i am just starting to understand that this is normal. Thanks to everyone`s help i know that what i feel is normal.
For me it is very early and raw but reading all the comments not only to me but others helping others it has given me some hope.
I cry each time i write on this site but i also cry when i wake up and go to sleep but knowing that this is normal makes thing easier.
Thank you, you have helped me to understand and hopefully start on my road to some sort of normal feelings.
xxxxxx
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Sorry everyone is on this journey none of us wanted to be on.
10 weeks into my journey people say early days. I have been kept busy after funeral sorting out finances garden maintenance not very good at practical things my husband did all that. Think maybe need a handyman /woman to help out but dont know were to start.
Guess over time i will be able to deal with things but like you cry when i wake go to sleep and when sending texts.
Tomorrow i am going to stay at my friends who stays 2hrs train journey away for a few days. This will be the first time away from our home not sure how i will cope but i can only try. Take care
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Is it the accessibility feature on your BT box?
See this, does this help?
Hi all, its 4 and a half months since my lovely husband died of a cardiac arrest. Unexpected , not overweight and didn’t smoke. He was 67. I dealt with all the finances and tech stuff, but he loved to shop and cook. He also did the DIY. Today i have sanded down some new plaster, put an undercoat on the skirting board and shopped for paint. I will get someone in to do the gloss paint but hoping i can do the emulsion. New flat pack dining room furniture to navigate. Never too old to learn! Its also given me some focus. Well done , to all of us learning new skills!
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Freefaller - I’m very impressed with your developing skills. My husband dealt with all the finances but since he’s been gone I’ve been on a steep learning curve. Everything I do I do it because I want to make him proud. I feel like he is guiding me all the way.
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Thank you very much @pgw69, so kind of you to send me the information. I bumped into a neighbour this afternoon and he has fixed it for me, Thanks again.
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Hi, 5 months for me also unexpected. He was 59 and also loved to shop and cook. I really miss eating his food! He could throw anything together and make it taste fantastic. I also have been doing alot of DIY too as we had bought a run down bungalow. I have surprised myself how much I have been able to do and how much I must of picked up from him. Even though I have told him off a few times out loud for leaving me with this place to sort out, I think it has been like you say a focus. Good luck with your flat pack furniture!
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@Lou33 @Jax2 everything is so new isnt it? Im not sure how to navigate these new waters. I too have told my husband off for leaving me in this pickle! We were both retiring next month and doing these things together. Having been with him since i was 15 - over 50 years its hard to find my way, but ill keep trying. Good luck to everyone - keep on learning .
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My wife knew how to fix the internet if it went wrong. She just turned it off for a minute, then turned it back on! More than 90% of the time she was right!
My advice after that was find an 8 year old child and ask them to fix it.
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Sound advice on both accounts!
I also advised her ,“if you cant mend anything with a hammer, buy a new one”
Turning something off and in is often the fix. When I was on IT support it was often the first port of call. Along with is it plugged in.
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Have you tried turning it off and on again?
T shirts should be handed to anyone who works in IT. It would save so much time 
Its just occurred to me that our brains are computers, and during our grieving they start doing things we dont want, such as creating emotional thoughts which really upset us.
So if we switch them off , then restart them with a happy thought, they work much better. I realise I do that a lot, but didnt know I did, until now. When Im upset, I very often tell myself to “STOP THINKING!!”
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I’ve just said exactly that to my friend in a message just now. I want to stop thinking so much.
I keep going over the passing of my beloved partner. It’s just over 7 weeks ago. He had COPD and kept saying he had an ache in his chest. He eventually went to the Doctors but too late. A week later he died of a heart attack in his sleep. I keep telling myself that I failed him. He didn’t like discussing his health so I never quizzed him but he kept saying this ache in his chest was just anxiety. I just said please go to the Doctors. He was a lifelong smoker although he did give up when he was diagnosed about 12 years ago. He was 71 when he died and started smoking very early, around age 10. Smoking a lot every day. Maybe the damage was already done. He was starting to struggle with his breathing more and more and was exhausted by late afternoon. He never stopped and liked to be active. He was cutting hedges the day before and that’s a very physical task. I said I think you should take it easy. I wish I could have saved him. I know deep down it’s irrational but this wave of guilt keeps washing over me.
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Hi @frances425 . Really sorry to read your story, but its only 7 weeks, which is VERY early.
I found therapy, in my case hypnotherapy, was brilliant at stopping me thinking about things in the past (we all have them!) Regurgitating them again and again, and that just puts the thoughts into our future, to regurgitate some more.
I also learnt that most of my thoughts about the past were misinterpreted, or just plain wrong. We all seem to be good at beating ourselves up, dont we.
I kept working at it, and after a few weeks, I realised the truth about these past memories was VERY different, nearly all my memories are now happy ones and life is pretty good again.
The first step was realizing that I was doing this, as the saying goes in battle “know your enemy”, then we can win. Well done for being self aware.
Good luck, if I can help in any way, I will!
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Frances425 you didnt let him down. I feel the same way sometimes after loosing my gorgeous fantastic beautiful wife sue to pancreatic cancer which had spread to her lungs and liver on the first of February this year. Days when i,m really down i hear sue saying come on you can do this I am here for you as I know you are for me.its 7 months next month for me
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