I don’t even get an urn with his ashes, his son’s decided that one 
, but at least I’m spared that trauma. I have arranged to plant a tree in his memory and because he died from a heart attack, I am having his name engraved on the heart of steel (British Heart Foundation) that way his memory lives on long after I’m gone
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His sons dont sound very nice. Janes son said to me mums ashes are yours and whatever i decide would be ok with him.
So Jane now sits amongst our collection of skulls
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I know what you mean . Just over 5 weeks for me and sat here , heart pounding and fighting with the demons that are saying , I’m done , I can’t do this !!! I don’t want to hurt my family anymore than they are hurting already but I’m feel like I’m that close , I cannot bare it. The pain is like something I’ve never experienced. I’m 53 and just wish I go quick & naturally like Bry did , I just don’t see the point of even as much as another year . Why can’t it just be my time now
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Wow I love these
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Hang on in there. Just think of your body as a machine for now. Your heart beats, your legs move. I know exactly how you feel as I wish I could join my late partner too but would we really want anyone who cares about us to feel like this?
I try to think of people I know who have been through this nightmare and come out the other side even though they felt like us. Maybe one day we can help other people when we are the ones who survived this hell. Let’s support each other and carry on until we are chosen to go. Who knows, that may be tomorrow!
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That actually made me laugh too especially about the duvet as he was always trying to pull it back to his side of the bed. I wonder whether I should buy a smaller bed. Today I realised I didn’t need to have the electric blanket turned on on his side of the bed and that got me crying! I keep asking myself - how did this happen - this fit slim muscular man now reduced to ( a surprisingly heavy ) casket of ashes! It doesn’t make any sense - even the consultants don’t know why he didn’t survive the sepsis?
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@Malmo thanks but what use is a man who’s feels dead inside and has no one to protect love and care for its like having a car with no wheels, or a guitar with no strings. Sue loved me playing for her now I can’t even pick it up without crying. I just don’t know now bye dave
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@Dave13
You have yourself to protect, love, care for and look after and your Sue would want that for you. One day you will be able to pick up that guitar and play it full of love and not this hurt and pain x
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So understand that I can’t go anywhere xxx
I am in a similar position after losing my partner on 25/3 after a year long battle with brain cancer. I am totally lost, we were soulmates & did everything together. Rob was taken ill just as I had retired & we were supposed to have gone to Spain or 3 months. Instead the Chemotherapy started & the focus was on trying to beat the disease…we failed!
Now the house is empty along with my life . I try to keep myself busy but when you are retired that is not easy, evenings & nights are the worst. I have no single female friends either probably as I am also in my 60’s. My emotions are all over the place & hate the thought of living my life like this, I miss him so much
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I hope you don’t mind me joining in this thread. I can honestly say this community of people is holding me and my emotions together. So many of you are saying everything I’m feeling. That I’ve no future without my darling Rich who was only 54. I’m 53. I can’t image any life without him. My friends are lovely but they’re not my Rich. I’ve no desire to find someone else but I don’t want to spend whatever time I have left alone either.
I feel like my proper life has stopped and I’ve been given someone else’s life to live that’s not mine x
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I know exactly what you mean . Was trying to explain to my friend before like msn say I’m here. I’ve not just lost my Bry, I’ve lost myself too because this ‘life’ ( existence) is not the same without my gorgeous Bry & our plans for the future. Yes I’m sure ‘some days ‘ I/we will smile again on occasions but never as we did without our precious ones being beside us 
xxx
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That’s it isn’t it? Even if I can have happy times in the future they won’t be the right kind of happy because Rich will be missing.
Sending love for whatever is ahead of us xx
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@Sarlyn thank you for caring hun but music has a different meaning to me now even songs like yesterday, help, I see different meanings to the lyrics and end up crying and my Sue bought me my guitars, my fender, Gibson les paul, Gretsch its what my Sue would buy me for my birthday. My Sue even bought me my Vox and Fender amps and my foot pedal yes its called A cry baby lol. Which by the way I have become. No. music I love has become out of reach to me since my Sue. My Sue is my first love and music was my second now my first love has passed and my second love seems unimportant. Hope you recover your life soon. My best to you dave
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I just want to say that my Keith, whom I have just lost, was 61 when I met him, I was 41. He had sadly and suddenly lost his wife 3 years previously, they had been married 25 years or so with 2 sons. We met, fell in love and were incredibly happy, I knew Keith for 12 years, we got married nearly 2 years ago, bought our home nearly 5 years ago, and now tragically I’m the widow now. But, we had 12 amazing happy years and totally in love. So please, don’t give up. You’re not replacing your loved one, you just fall in love with another person, the next chapter in your life. You don’t stop loving your lost one, you are just carrying on with life.
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I can relate to that. I started playing along on my guitar to Wish You Were Here, but it was too much. I’ve not played again yet. I want to though as Keith was the only person I would play in front of, as I’m shy. He liked my playing, although the cats don’t! I’m sure I will when I’m ready. I find it very relaxing and almost trance like, so I think it may help with grieving and relaxing. I hope you do play again
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@Dave13
I do hope in time your music will become important to you once again. I’m sure your lovely Sue buying you all those guitars would want you to play them because she knew what they meant to you.
I can so feel your pain through your words, so sending you a big hug 
Lyn
X
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