Comforting to know it’s not just me I don’t want anyone else but miss the companionship someone to go on holiday with sit and drink coffee in comfortable silence. Days out/holidays are a double edged sword old places remind me of when he was alive new places remind me he won’t ever see them. We were in middle of moving when he was diagnosed with brain cancer 5 months later he passed everytime I achieve something in new house I cry because he isn’t here to see it
I was trying to explain that to my mum, how can i go on holiday because i will want to go to the same places as me and Jane did. I dont want another relationship not now not ever so how do i do all those coupled type of things like going to movies, holidays and days out with out being in a full blown relationship, i dont want to end up with what my mum would call a lady friend but everyone i know is with someone and id feel like a spare wheel or it would just end up being a lads holiday when all i want to do is relax and chill out at the beach. Would feel even more isolated and lonely if i went alone
Can’t win can we
To me the obvious answer to that situation is find someone in the same position, it seems there are a lot of people who just want the company at the moment and nothing more. Without creating a ‘dating’ site, you never know, could be people here happy to meet up when ready,
I lost my husband 18 days ago. I have 2 daughters aged 8 and 10 and Im so lost. I dont think I will ever feel normal again. Its like the light inside me has died with my husband. I cant stand being around people. I have to go back to work in a week and Im dreading it. I tried taking my girls out for a meal and it felt so wrong.
18 days is incredibly early days and to have two young girls, I’m so sorry for your loss.
You will feel lost for a while yet. Can’t you go to GP and get signed off work?
Take small steps, I’m 3 months in and it does get easier .
That’s not along bereavement leave , I feel mines early and it’s 3 months xx look after you first hun , contact gp get a sick paper , I’m not going to function at work yet I know so you will definitely not xxx take care xx
I wish I could, I Feel I need longer, but worried my kids go without. but I dont get paid if I dont work. Sick pay wont cover our bills.Its aweful isnt it. I did get the Widows bereavement payment but that has to top up my salary till Ive sorted out our finances. Its a nightmare I just cant seem to Wake up from
If you’re paying a mortgage, you could look into freezing it for a few months, until you can get things sorted.
That’s exactly how I have felt. Numb but occupied in the weeks leading up to the funeral with all the ‘admin’. Worse since the funeral, worse since I collected his ashes. I don’t know what to get up for except the dog. Thank goodness for the dog. The evenings are hard because we usually sat down and found a film or a box set to follow back to back. I can’t find anything and can’t settle or get into anything. Last night I found a film which was actually really good, but all I could do was feel guilty that I had just enjoyed it and he’d missed out on it. He’ll never enjoy anything again and he loved life, had hobbies and was a well loved person. It feels like so much has been lost.
Im not 100 % but im sure if you need longer of work then the gp will sign you off, most bill companys will help you with your bills. Have you looked at whether you can claim employment support allowance to help top up your sick pay. Sorry i couldnt be more definite x
If it’s any consolation I don’t want another relationship like the one I had with my Rich but I would like to hope that in the distant future, when my heart stops aching for my lovely husband,I could possibly consider a male companion to do those comfortable ‘couples things’ like meals out, cinema walks. You’re definitely not alone in your thoughts xx
Im in the same boat, im so glad ive got the dog as he gets me out three times a day, unless its raining then its a quick pee and back indoors
Ive found i haven’t watched hardly any tv as i just zone out and not really sure on what i just watched. Most of the time im on my phone or tablet doing mundane things whilst listening to complete silence or the world carrying on outside.
I think thats the predicament we all face on this grief road, wanting to not feel alone for the next 20 odd years but also trying to repair a heart shattered into thousands of pieces before even thinking of a female companion. im 12 weeks in and i cant ever see a time when my heart will stop aching for Jane, just when i think im beginning to cope a bit better something really stupid will remind me of her and then im dragged back into the depths if despair
My heart breaks for us all. We’re all so broken aren’t we. I’m the same, I’m not living now, just existing with the awful realisation that nothing will be the same again because Rich isn’t part of it. I started to get far too inside my head today thinking about why humans make these bonds for life only to have our world and future shattered when our soulmates are snatched too soon from us. It’s a horrible price to pay for simply loving someone.
That’s a good question, but I think the answer is, it was worth it. I am enduring the suffering now, it’s been 3 months. Instinctively know it will go on for a long time. But we had 45 years together that were worth all this suffering and I’m happy it’s my burden and not his. I will bear it.
I only had 4 1/2 years with Jane and if i had the choice again knowing it wouldn’t have been for long then i would definitely do it all over again. Took me 3 failed relationships to find my soulmate and im so glad i did even if it was only for a short period
Absolutely agree 100%
Had my first counselling session yesterday she wants me to write down what I want in my life in the future ( something like that anyway tbh my head is that mashed I cannot remember )
Do I lie and write things down anyway, do I tell her , I do not have a future without Bry or do I write it down so if I physically see it in paper it might help ??
@PollyjaneW its been two years for me and I still couldnt write what I want for my future. To be honest after such a short time I don’t think you could even stab at it. Don’t lie just put what you feel.
When I had counselling I found they all asked “what would your husband think” would your husband want you to feel this way”. I think they all have trained with the same clap trap. It’s hard to find a good counsellor that you find a connection with. I asked my counsellor had she any idea what it was like to lose a husband. No because she still had hers and no amount of training without experience of loss could give her any idea of what I was feeling. Sending hugs x
Oh I absolutely would not change a thing from the past. I had 29 amazing years with a lovely, funny loving husband and dad to our 2. I would do it all again in a heartbeat.
I’ve just had plenty of time to sit and consider our past and life in general and have concluded that I have spent my life being remarkably naive about the pain of loss.