It’s a beautiful day here and I’ve been busy this morning. Took my daughter to work, went for a run with the dog, cut the grass ( which is a major effort ) and am meeting a friend this afternoon for a walk / coffee.
But it all seems so pointless.
I’m keeping busy but not enjoying anything.
I try not to think of the future but know I need to plan in the short term.
Can’t focus, can’t finish anything, need to be here 24/7 for my kids and feel like nobody really cares how I am - although I know that isn’t true.
But people are getting on with their daily lives as normal - and I wish I was too.
I feel a complete mess and overwhelmed most of the time. And hugely lonely without my husband.
I hope there are others having a better day than me and if you are having a good day just skip by this post and keep going.
Just needed to get that off my chest. Now to get back to the chore of life !
We all need a release somewhere we feel free to say how we feel.
I was thinking there is no enjoyment just a couple of days ago. We have had years of enjoying things worth our partners.
That was our norm. We are still in that mode.
It will take a while to adjust to what gives ‘ME’ enjoyment.
I think the last time I thought of that as a person not as a couple, or part of a couple was when I was a teenager.
Plus that is in addition to everything else we are trying to deal with.
I’m sorry to hear you’re feeling blue, it can come in awful waves cant it. Its ok to feel down, lost and alone, because its the grieving process. Its not a nice process, but its a process. There are definitely better processes in life…
I admire you getting up and doing things, i know you have kidlets and you have to, but there are others who cant/dont/wont. Sometimes you have to take the small things as progress.
I have never lost a partner, so my feelings of loss will be on a different level to yours, but I have a listening ear and am always happy to help others, like ive been helped and continue to be helped.
I find texting in this group a good source of comfort for me.
I hope your day gets better x
Yeh so have i - been to walk on canal … i feel so alone too but then again i am ;( helps a bit dunnit but my god i wish i wasnt here ! Ive had enough ;( i love my dog lucy but as you say we are just existing now … its not a life…
Im 17 months into this and everything i try to get out of this just goes wrong … nothing is worth living for anymore ;( apart from my dog !!
Thanks all for the messages of support. It really helps knowing it’s not just me feeling this way. I’m back home now after also getting some ice cream and am now feeling so worried about my future and how I’ll manage to make a life for myself going forward.
I know I need to be here for my kids at the moment, but in a couple of years when my youngest goes off to uni ( if she still wants to) then I will be all alone without my husband here oto do all the things we had planned.
This wasn’t how we thought life would end up and it’s really not what I want.
But we all have to keep trying and so I’ll have a cry, put back on the game face and try something else.
2 kids back home now so need to get back into solo parent mode.
Love and hugs to you all - hope your Saturday night is peaceful for you all xx❤️
Well just had one of those horrible sobbing turns when you want yr partner so badly to be by yr side. Sometimes this awful longing for yr soul mate is unrelenting and exhausting .
Thinking of everyone on here at 2.03a.m. and feeling that enormous loss.
I hope you managed to get some sleep.
It’s so hard sometimes to sit with the pain isn’t it.
Look after yourself and keep checking in here for support. Xx
I totally understand, the sobbing turns are so very painful.
I hate them so much!
Thinking about them now I suppose they are a release of our emotions and pain.
So as much as we truly hate them, perhaps they help us? I don’t really know just a thought.
I hope you were able to get some sleep.
This bereavement and grief journey is truly gut wrenching and unbelievably hard.
Thanks Roni52 and RoseGarden,
It really means so much to know others truly understand the depths of this emotional turmoil and loss.
Hoping you and our other friends on here have a pleasant Sunday ( which is always a tough day).
Weekends are always more difficult aren’t they. For me it’s when we wouldnt be working so could do things, or do nothing much.
I miss that just pottering about but knowing he is there.
But - The sun is shining here, I’m sitting in the garden with a cup of tea and am going to get off my bum and do a bit gardening.
Funny I used to hate gardening but now I find it strangely therapeutic.
I know doing something will help me if not feel better, at least stop the sadness from spiralling down.
Love and strength to all on this lovely Sunday morning
13 weeks ago it was a sunny Sunday and I sat with my husband enjoying a mug of tea by the water.
Neither of us knew that within the hour only one of us would be returning home that day.
As you can imagine I am crying and in my mind I can see us together and feel how it was to be a couple and then the traumatic scene that followed. My heart is breaking.
I miss him so much.
Thank you for letting me share this with people who understand.
It’s been nearly a year. I thought I was doing ok. It’s been weeks since I cried. But today I am in despair and can’t stop crying. I feel like I have been pretending for 11 months. Pretending to be ok, when in reality I have just been being patient, waiting for him to come back and for my life to get back to normal. Now I am sobbing. I really don’t know what to do. I miss him so much. I just need him back with me for my life to restart.
x